The last post shows poise. Remember they will try to get a reaction out of you, some will do some crazy stuff so don’t get baited. Remain cool. Do try to run different scenarios to prepare yourself for the conversation so you won’t be shocked. This is what throws a lot of people off, initial shock. Don’t let it overwhelm you and if it does, take a breather.
Stay in control, you got this brother.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Seeing a Doc today, so hopefully that will help me.
W has shown *some* concern towards me—she asked me last night if I need to take a day off. I also wonder if she’s showing concern so she can gauge my willingness / ability to have a follow-up conversation.
For me, the victories have come in not getting ‘baited’ by a whole lot, which I consider an improvement.
I don’t feel like I’m in control of this, though—I go back and forth on ‘I don’t want this’ to ‘imagining what a life D’ed looks like.’ Not sure how I feel about what I want for us.
What’s surreal to me is that last night, as she was feeding YS and I was finishing dinner, W talked about how OS wants to go to Big Bear, and that if a group of people go it will be cheaper—her words were basically ‘oh yeah we get a group of families to go together and blah blah blah....’
At first I was all WTF mentally, but trying to detach and let it go. Believe nothing they say.
My only response to your response is that ALL WAWs are all for D at first. Some are more sure of themselves than others, but outwardly they all give the front that they are. The ones that follow through and file are those that are really sure its what they want. Until you see that activity I always question, despite how outwardly they insist, just how sure it is what they want.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
My only response to your response is that ALL WAWs are all for D at first. Some are more sure of themselves than others, but outwardly they all give the front that they are. The ones that follow through and file are those that are really sure its what they want. Until you see that activity I always question, despite how outwardly they insist, just how sure it is what they want.
Is it possible they file and are still "unsure"? Have you seen that situation at all? My wife filed, never told me, and then about a week later I told her that I noticed she filed (we are both attorneys, so I was able to log in to the court system to see that it was filed that day she did it) about a week later and she said that she "prayed about whether or not to go through with filing before beforehand and then figured 'what's the point.'" She then tried to turn it around on me and said she figured since I signed the certificate of service that that meant I wanted her to file. This is patently false since I have a text message that I sent to her stating that if this is what she wants, I won't stand in the way anymore. I don't know if she is truly off her rocker and thought that or if that is just her trying to manipulate me. I would guess the latter. Maybe she thought she was going to call my bluff or prove to me that "she means business"? I don't know.
In the meantime, I told her I want to see a draft of a proposed property settlement and child custody agreement. She obliged and of course did a 180 on everything we sort of agreed to verbally months ago. We then exchanged 3 emails back and forth on some of the particulars. The last email was a response from me to her about some of the things we weren't seeing eye to eye on. I haven't heard anything more from her 3 weeks or so. I am very curious if her non response is a sign of some hesitation or not? I'm not going to bring it up until I hear something back from her. It's up to her at this point to continue the process.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
They all start out that way and are high on emotion, so they will swing from one to the other. They'll want you non-existant and then the next worry about how they felt and want to see you okay and feel guilty and then try to justify how they felt in the first place but now are unsure how to feel and you are on the side tryin got help them sort through this mess? no way... even if you think you are helping by saying something you think they will pick up and say "oh yeah why didn't I think of that." It wont help.
Whether she has the gusto to do it, try not to do anything to push her into that. No pressure. The counter-intuitive approach.
Threats are about control. if you know what you are standing for is right and she is trying to make you buckle, then don't.
You don't have to be in control of the situation. let that part of your thinking go. I know its hard. be in control of yourself. time changes, you must change with the time. Today there are 5,454, 879,367 words for you to choose from that could help you ease your mind. Do you know which ones those are? "I am in control." Once you pick something that resonates with you, you will start to believe it, feel it, then you can practice living it.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Is it possible they file and are still "unsure"? Have you seen that situation at all?
Yes, we have seen that happened before. Gordie in MLC comes to mind.
Originally Posted by Wanted1
She then tried to turn it around on me and said she figured since I signed the certificate of service that that meant I wanted her to file.
Yep, I knew you wouldn't get the reaction you were looking for when you signed it. She was probably thinking YES, now I can tell people it was a mutual agreement or worse that it was your idea.
Originally Posted by Wanted1
I am very curious if her non response is a sign of some hesitation or not?
Probably not. You have taken away the pressure so she is in no hurry.
Originally Posted by Wanted1
I'm not going to bring it up until I hear something back from her. It's up to her at this point to continue the process.
Is it possible they file and are still "unsure"? Have you seen that situation at all?
W has told me that this is her initial gambit. To file, get the paperwork in motion, and then we figure out where we are at in 6-9 months and go from there—continue with process, or rescind it / let it pend or expire. I know: BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY.
The more I think about this, the less it makes sense. Goes back to what my L consulted me on: “There’s something else she’s not telling you.”
If W really wants a trial S, then we can do that without the paperwork and expense.
W has told me that this is her initial gambit. To file, get the paperwork in motion, and then we figure out where we are at in 6-9 months and go from there—continue with process, or rescind it / let it pend or expire. I know: BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY.
Bo, I have seen you quote the same thing at least three times. She is manipulating you to get what she wants. Your lawyer even understands what is going on. She is trying to expedite separation because she is more than likely having an affair.
Sorry to be so blunt but you keep spinning in regards to her statement.
She then tried to turn it around on me and said she figured since I signed the certificate of service that that meant I wanted her to file.
Yep, I knew you wouldn't get the reaction you were looking for when you signed it. She was probably thinking YES, now I can tell people it was a mutual agreement or worse that it was your idea.
I'm not sure I was looking for a reaction. My thought process was essentially to what I was telling her that I would do, which was not stand in her way. She was apparently eagle eyeing that paperwork and the minute it was signed she filed it. In hindsight, I guess what I should have done was not sign it and let her either have me served or wait until she asked me when I was going to sign it. She didn't necessarily need me to sign the certificate of service in order to file the summons and complaint. Oh well, can't dwell on the past.....
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
