Wow. That is a great response. And very insightful and profound. It gives me some great things to look at and to work on. You're right about all of this. No question about it.
I am a naturally untrusting guy. And if you burn me once it's even harder. Twice I usually write the person off. Forever. The fact I didn't do that proves to me that I deeply love her. She has even commented on that. But you're right, for dinner reason I hope back. Pride? Stubbornness? Selfishness? Some or all of those?
Thank you, as always for your insight. And your candidness.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am a naturally untrusting guy. And if you burn me once it's even harder. Twice I usually write the person off. Forever. The fact I didn't do that proves to me that I deeply love her. She has even commented on that. But you're right, for dinner reason I hope back. Pride? Stubbornness? Selfishness? Some or all of those?
I think its a combination of all of those things...
Pride has certainly doomed a relationship or 5 million before. It certainly could be a part of this one...
Stubborness ?
Yea, I mean it could be confused for being steadfast, or ironclad in your morals and convictions...
Selfishness ??
You certainly seem to be a generous and giving person here...
However...
You aren't the person that you are here, at home..
The anonymity is gone at home, and you are left with a stripped down Steve
My guess is, and the reason I asked the questions...
WHY are you prideful ??
WHY are you stubborn ??
WHY are you selfish ???
My best guess would be fear...
Fear of being divorced
Fear of being embarrassed
Fear of failing
And to maybe an even greater degree ??
Fear of succeeding....
What are you so afraid of ???
Think about these buddy, along with with re-reading my questions from the last thread...
Because until you can answer those and be totally honest with yourself...
How much do you really know about you, so that you can give yourself to her ???
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
My guess is, and the reason I asked the questions...
WHY are you prideful ??
WHY are you stubborn ??
WHY are you selfish ???
My best guess would be fear...
Fear of being divorced
Fear of being embarrassed
Fear of failing
And to maybe an even greater degree ??
Fear of succeeding....
Wow .... this ^^^^ really hit me hard. One of the questions that replay a lot is what is stopping my H from coming home. I know that he wants to come home (he is always here), I know that he loves me and still feels connected to us but he just can't take that step ... and then I read this, and it just, well, it just sounds like truth to me.
All relationships are a leap of faith. A willingness to put yourself out there and fail. But, sometimes the past is too heavy and it weighs us down.
I feel for you Steve. For the R to work you have to both be willing to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable to it failing. Leap of faith, right?. I can appreciate, after what you've been through that you feel the need to protect your heart. I can't offer much advice - proceed with caution, consider whether you are willing to forgive, and if you are, then commit to forgiving her and put the past behind you, and if not, then what's the point ...
I also wanted to say thank you for all your input to my sitch. It is much appreciated.
I just got caught up on your sitch and see that you have hit a rough patch in the last little while. Having seen you responses to the others I feel you are in good control of your emotions and actions. You come here to help others freely and share your wisdom openly. I feel that you are definitely a man of substance and will be able to navigate these difficult times. My prayers are always with you! Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I can't save every marriage, but if anything I do helps save at least one, I believe the effort is worth it.
You haven't helped save my marriage, R2C. That's TBD.
More importantly, you are a part of the many here on this board who have helped me save my LIFE.
*Insert double crying emoji*
H:39 W:30 M:4 T:9
05/2018: H says "ILYBNILWY", BD 07/2018: Discovered A, confronted 09/2018: PA + other details emerge; H moved out 12/2018: I filed 03/2019: Divorce finalized
