Dealing with a WW and finding my happiness pt. 5

[ovrrnbw]

ST,

just keep getting better and stronger! She may have done these negative things to you, but don't let that pattern repeat itself in the next R, no matter who it's with.

Make those 180s and choose to be positive and helpful instead of critical and mean. I really like your progress, you've started to take control of yourself. Awesome!

[SoTorn]

Thanks everyone. You all helped me wake up more than you know. I feel 100% better. Every day I wake up and check my feelings on whether or not I want to still be done and I am still confident that I am done. I can't live like that.

[Adam04]

ST,

yeah buddy, good for you. I too read your comments to others and I'm happy that you're in a better place.

If it does anything, I feel like standing til you cant stand no more is the way to go. Only you know when you've had enough. Its good to know you listened to your wife and it took you all that time to get here. I'm sure you looked at that. I'm sure you looked at her asking you to get help and you did for hundreds of hours. If you were to predict how you would be now back then, could you see this person back then when you were doing the right things? I just wonder as you've gone down this path, if you are willing to stand a little longer? What if it takes your W hundred of hours of therapy, and countless people such as here to make her see the light? You said you were just like her so don't you think she could change too? Just wondering, unless you got other plans for something and the D is going to help you to get there.

I see you are a stronger person so no matter what W is doing, or if the D papers are signed or NOT, you keep doing you. It shows.

[ballast]

ST...

I'm sorry to read of all that you are going through in your sitch. For me I found the more my W went wayward, the more it pushed me forward in my detachment. Simple thoughts to myself of "I don't deserve/need this crap!" were immensely helpful in moving me along my path. For sure you have a ton of fuel from your W to do the same as well. The biggest impediment right now is your own mind simply because while you can recite the whole "I'm moving on" and be basically cool with it, you have no idea where moving on is going to take you. Not having the sense of control over what's ahead of you will keep you looking back to what you think you still might be able to control.

Keep your focus on YOU and how you expect to be loved and treated and with time you will get to where you were meant to get to with this chapter in your life.

-B

[SoTorn]

Oh I'm doing great ballast. I appreciate your concern. I have a solid financial plan that will help me move out by March. I'm done.

We buried grandma yesterday. WW ended up going. She wanted to go and I cleared it with my mom. My family absolutely loved her and treated her with nothing but respect. So WW got to see everyone one more time. I'm sure she will miss that. My mom was very nice to her.

WW ended up crying with my mom. My mom was very sad over the loss of her mom. I drove separately from my WW. I'm doing great in school with an A in my first class.

I have visited my younger female friend out of state twice. I really like her. She is all about the slow slow slow and steady.

I am hitting the gym three times per week and I look and feel great.

I wore a very nice suit to the funeral. WW actually told me I looked very nice lol. My entire family was floored on how I look.

Life will be great for me. I will make it that way.

[Adam04]

ST, Sorry to hear about your loss.

It really sounds like you are moving on.

Grats on the A and looking and feeling good.

Life will be great for me. I will make it that way.

This is really awesome.

[SoTorn]

Thanks Adam. I owe a lot to this board I really do.

[SoTorn]

So WW was digging through my room yet again. WW went in my room and our dogs followed her. I no longer let the animals in my room. So I followed and got them out.

This in turn triggered WW to try and be combative. WW said "following me to make sure I dont find anything?"

I just said no. Then she went on to again accuse me of hiding things from her. I again asked her to please stop with the assumptions and trying to find whatever leverage shes trying to find.

WW said she wasnt trying to find leverage. I didn't respond.

Then out of the blue WW said "its obvious that you are f**king someone now"

I didn't ask why she thought that. I just responded by saying "what I do on my own time is none of your business or worry"

Again I am done. I want nothing to do with this hateful person who betrayed me. No way in hell I would give this woman another chance to hurt me as badly as she did.

Counting down the days until my plan takes effect and I'm out. Again I cant believe I put up with this constant flow of hate for the years that I did.

I feel so much better not caring about what she does or worrying about what she thinks. WW has zero impact on my emotions. She can spin in circles and talk crap all she wants, I will not waiver.

[Adam04]

This shows a good difference in the level of maturity ST. She is still in that infancy stage where although she is in the wrong she is looking to blame you. Please be careful around her. Play it smart and still be kind. You are right. She does not deserve you and she is gone. Protect yourself. Stay strong.

[SoTorn]

This shows a good difference in the level of maturity ST. She is still in that infancy stage where although she is in the wrong she is looking to blame you. Please be careful around her. Play it smart and still be kind. You are right. She does not deserve you and she is gone. Protect yourself. Stay strong.

Still recording every interaction. Cameras in my room. I agree, shes still desperately blaming me for her actions.