Feeling a bit of an emotional train wreck right now. Sitting at home by myself, W is at work. She's normally home on Fridays. All this sudden resentment this past week has been extremely difficult when I have done nothing but back away from her. I'm thinking that me backing away and giving her space is causing all this anger that she has towards me to come out and be free. I've been handling the torment well when around her, and not "feeding the fire" but using the validation techniques. It does seem like it's helping as she almost instantly has a mood change, even if just temporary. But it really hits hard when she's not around and my mind wonders. About to go to sleep and hit the reset button for tomorrow, hit up the gym, and possibly go help a friend work on his car and just hang out. Maybe do some fishing if I feel up to it.
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
Feeling a bit of an emotional train wreck right now. Sitting at home by myself, W is at work. She's normally home on Fridays. All this sudden resentment this past week has been extremely difficult when I have done nothing but back away from her. I'm thinking that me backing away and giving her space is causing all this anger that she has towards me to come out and be free. I've been handling the torment well when around her, and not "feeding the fire" but using the validation techniques. It does seem like it's helping as she almost instantly has a mood change, even if just temporary. But it really hits hard when she's not around and my mind wonders. About to go to sleep and hit the reset button for tomorrow, hit up the gym, and possibly go help a friend work on his car and just hang out. Maybe do some fishing if I feel up to it.
This is normal. We all question detachment. We all think it works against us. Here is the thing. What's the alternative? Pursuit? Pressure? Yeah most of us tried that too and managed to push our spouses further away.
Look she's angry at you most likely because the further you back away and give her space, the more she questions her resolve to leave. That angers her. It would be much easier if you pushed her away. Read the pursuit and distance thread. It's a real dynamic. Pursue and watch her flee. Flee and watch her chase.
Feel free to to say to her, a when she's being angry and mean, 'Sorry but I refuse to talk to you if your going to be disrespectful." And then walk away
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just hit another depressing moment. One of my 180 goals is to get myself better organized, I've been very disorganized for a while. So I decided to go out to the shed and clean it out and get it organized, it was mess. While cleaning it out I found one of our wedding invitations. Hit me pretty hard.... Currently sitting here outside trying to get my emotions straight
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
So I finished the shed and then went to the gym for about 2 hours, I came back home to watch the Lightning & New York Rangers hockey game and make something to eat. She comes out asks me where I was, so I told her I went to the gym and she's like "When did you start going to the gym, you never had interest in it before" so I simply said "I do now", the she starts to tell me "So I told the landlord whats going on. Are you looking for a place, cuz she said I can get a roommate." I said how it's going to be months before I can move, there is no money saved right now. She said ok, I just didn't know. Then she started to say she's going to sell the boat. I paid for the boat but it's in her name. I said no. And she said I'm selling it, I need to pay my taxes and there's not a [EXPLETIVE] thing you can do about it. She then proceeded to get even more nasty. I looked at her and said, I have done nothing to you this past week to deserve this attitude. And you can come talk to me when your calm. She then got angrier and sad "You keep doing stupid stuff and that's what makes me angry". Again,I have barely spoken to her or been around her. So this stupid stuff she's talking about is imaginary. She then went to the filing back and took the title to the boat and went back into the guest room.
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
Remember, emotions come and go like the tides. When you realize that it will pass or that something will bring those emotions back you may start to manage them better. And time. Time will certainly help.
If she comes dropping bombs on you about things like moving people in or out, just tell you'd like to take some time to think on it.
As for the boat, talk to a lawyer. If she sells the boat, I'm sure the proceeds are marital property. You should be able to figure it out from there.
She can't figure out what you're doing. You don't have to tell everything you're doing too, it sounds like she's just going to shoot you down anyways.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Wow, so it's currently 5:30 am and she came into the MBR were I was asleep, and proceeds to try and wake me up being all nice and asking me to make her breakfast. I said politely I'm trying to sleep. She kept pursueing but I kept going with it's early and I'd like to sleep. She then asked if I'm going to make dinner tonight (because Friday I didn't, was at work late and yesterday I was at the gym) she even said "you give, give, give and now you take it all away" then got up and proceeded to walk away.
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
Her mom has been helping us better manage our finances, I am going to meet with her today. She knows the situation going on at home. But I have a few things to discuss with her about the budget. Such as setting money aside for me in the event I do have to move, I found some cheaper car insurance, and am thinking about separating our food budget. This way if the W chooses to feed her friend and her kids she will be doing so with her own money and not mine. Currently the way we are set up is I get $150 in my account every 2 weeks, primarily for gas (100 miles a day) and she gets $300 in hers to cover her gas (30 miles a day) plus our groceries/misc. The rest is in another account for the household bills, and savings. May try to go $300 to my account and $150 to hers. Allowing $100 each for groceries/misc items every 2 weeks. Then whatever she chooses to do with her money is her business
I say $300 to mine and I'll start driving my truck since she seems to hate that I drive her car to work
Thoughts?? if i did this it wouldn't come into effect for another 2 weeks
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
