typical WW on my hands

[SteveLW]

Argh. Nothing like being sick and in bed at one of your lowest points in life, is there?

No real status change. I am wondering if I should be asking her to move out? Although even though we currently aren't speaking in the house together, we are normal around the kids and so far besides my 6yr old asking "Why doesn't Mom want to be around us" now several times they seem unaffected.

Last year in the thick of my sitch I got sicker than I ever have in my life. I might get a cold every couple of years. But last year, first I got the flu. Then it turned into an upper-respiratory infections with lung inflammation. Then it turned into bronchitis with lung inflammation. That was over the course of 3 months. The cough lasted into May! When you are stressed, and not eating the way you should, not sleeping the way you should, your immune system slows to a crawl.

[svdad]

Last year in the thick of my sitch I got sicker than I ever have in my life. I might get a cold every couple of years. But last year, first I got the flu. Then it turned into an upper-respiratory infections with lung inflammation. Then it turned into bronchitis with lung inflammation. That was over the course of 3 months. The cough lasted into May! When you are stressed, and not eating the way you should, not sleeping the way you should, your immune system slows to a crawl.

I tend to get sick in the winter every year it seems, but this was in-bed-cant-move for 3-4 days straight. I am hoping it isnt turning into anything else.

[svdad]

Question: Who here used a mediator and who here used a Divorce Attorney? Would anyone care to share any experiences, good and bad? I am trying to learn more about this procedure (and knowing WW wants mediator route).

thanks.

[SteveLW]

I didn't get D'd, but I contacted an attorney. D is a legal proceeding. Going through that without a lawyer is not advisable. WASs/WSs want the path of least resistance, which is a mediator in their mind. Note, if she is wayward she probably will eventually give up on mediation. A lot of mediators advise to try to R. Waywards don't like to hear that.

[MoveFrwd]

I think it is best to contact an attorney to at least understand your rights.
Then I think the answer depends a lot on your situation. How much do you agree on with respect to custody? splitting of assets? child support? alimony? etc.

If you basically agree on the major points, then you dont really NEED a lawyer. But it certainly isnt a bad thing having someone who is looking over the deal to make sure you arent getting screwed.

[Ready2Change]

First, Get legal advise to know what your rights are.

Second, get financial advise. Understand the tax implications of splitting assets. Understand the "real value" of different assets.

Third always have "time to think" before agreeing to things.



I was involved in a highly contested custody battle with two divorce attorneys. Financially and emotionally devastating for the family.

H atterny $400/hr
W atterny $300/hr (Guessing)

Paying $700/hour to argue is crazy. But I had to lawyer up to play the game.


After D, we had a mediation session WITH THE LAWYERS. This was also crazy. Only reason I settled during this was "Pro se" was written into the agreement. IE No more lawyers. I pay a bit more in child support.


Going into mediation prepared is good. What are you disagreeing about?

[svdad]

Thanks Steve. Do you still get a L if you are using a mediator? I really am confused here obviously... is that what you are saying?

[svdad]

I think it is best to contact an attorney to at least understand your rights.
Then I think the answer depends a lot on your situation. How much do you agree on with respect to custody? splitting of assets? child support? alimony? etc.

If you basically agree on the major points, then you dont really NEED a lawyer. But it certainly isnt a bad thing having someone who is looking over the deal to make sure you arent getting screwed.

We have not even begun the talk yet.. but she stresses mediator and amicable ... joint custody. have not talked about child support... would love to hear opinions / thoughts on this though!

[SteveLW]

Thanks Steve. Do you still get a L if you are using a mediator? I really am confused here obviously... is that what you are saying?

I would at a minimum have a free consultation with a lawyer. That is what I did. If my sitch had continued in that direction then I would have secured his services.

[Ready2Change]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2835549#Post2835549

Separate the divorce into different buckets.


1) Emotional-detach-set her free- no R talk
2) Parenting plan / parenting arrangement 50/50 no more no less.
3) Financial - Current assets
4) Financial - Child support (there are standard formulas)
5) other buckets as needed



Two lawyers in an adversarial fight will be very expensive and financially devistating for the family. This should be your last resort for things you can't agree on.
One lawyer to help mediate is better. If needed, ask W to recommend 3 and you will pick one.
Before that, You should do mediation. Same thing, have W recommend 3 and you pick one.
Before that, get written agreements on things you do agree on.

There is a thing called a balance sheet. Your stuff/ her stuff with the values. Some place on it you equalize.

Simple example: You only have two cars. W drives one. you drive one.

Option 1)
You keep one she keeps one. You both agree. Financial done.
Both agree to this in divorce paperwork. All done.

Option 2)
Someone thinks one car is 2X more valuable than the other. You both agree. You keep one she keeps one. The person keeping the more valuable car gets 50% of the difference in cash from the other to "equalize".

Both agree to this in divorce paperwork. One person writes the other a check. Check clears. All done.

Option 3)
There is a disagreement about the values of the cars.
One person assigns the value. The other picks if they want the car or the value.

Option 4) mediation.

Option 5) 1 lawyer

Option 6) 2 lawyers

Option 7) Ordered by a judge at hearing.





You both can have lawyers available for legal advise during this process, Just be aware they are in the game for your money.