Didn't know what the reaction would be when I got home yesterday. W looked at me and said she understood why I reacted the way I did last night to request to see phone. She did not acknowledge who it was or anything else but I realize if things are going to get better I have to let this play it's course and not push or make demands.
I'm in a good place and want to stay there, only looking up, she is the one who is struggling and I will make sure she does not take me with her.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
lost, this stuff is tough. No question navigating these waters is difficult and challenging. I learned a lot about controlling my emotions during my sitch. In fact, controlling my emotions is one of the best outcomes to come out of my sitch. I am much less reactive than I was before.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Agree with what you say neffer, just from the contact I saw though it looks like she is trying to detach from OM on her own. I am taking all advice with a grain of salt and like I have heard here keep doing what is working, so I am doing me unless there is a reason to do us.
Although I will not call this R, I do see W moving closer to it through her actions. The GGW activities have ceased which if you have followed my sitch from months ago was GGW x10. I am continuing DBing and the important thing for me is the 180 and controlling my emotions like Steve said. I acknowledge I took a step back the other night but we learn from our mistakes.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I have followed your sitch, yes, Lost. But some things are black or white. Contact is one. Contacting OM resets the circuit. I was a ww creature some time ago. That“s why I“m saying what I“m saying.
Eyes open Lost
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Oh they are open, and although I gave up snooping, this one was right in front of me so I saw what she was texting. Things seem to be fizzling.....but no cartwheels here...I am staying the course and DBing. I understand the black and white standard and that is why by no means are we in R. That would be a requirement day 1 and as I have heard and been told it just has to play out....which it appears to be.
That's why I made the detachment statement that I am proud of....something like this used to set me back days and was a kick to the groin.....now it is her cross to bear, I am still doing me and did not lose a wink of sleep. I think her acknowledgement the next day of understanding my response was big...that would have never happened weeks ago.
I am still in not believing 100% of what she says and 50% of what she does, I just have to adhere to not giving a S*** 100% of the time until she proves herself willingly.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Hey Adam, Haven't had a whole lot of GAL activities. Weather has stunk, not doing much outside, few projects indoors, still working out daily. Have been helping parents with a local downsizing move to a condo.
Honestly...W has been asking me to spend time with her, I'm not expecting too much. She is extremely depressed, doesn't like any aspect of her life...work, past deeds, financial sitch, etc. Does not feel need to address past sexual abuse with IC anymore, sees it useless. Has not been doing anything outside of house unless with me.
A bit concerned...I'm not leaving right now nor is she...youngest is S14 is in HS and I would never abandon him until he was set. The mood in the house is civil, I do not know of contact with AP or if A is still going on...I don't ask, I don't care. W has begun contributing financially back to the household after about 6 or 7 months of $0 so I am good with that.
I have no hopes or expectations but see myself in for a long period of this until her depression is addressed. She is on meds and they help a little but she is also drinking a fair amount so I assume that counters meds. I still see IC but less and less as I have been much better at handling my emotions of anxiety, anger, etc that I experienced months ago.
Not sure where this is going, W has expressed love for me, shown affection, looked forward to future but to this point has not felt or shown the remorse or taken steps to address what was actually done to be able to move forward. W expresses that she is messed up, knows she has hurt me and is sorry. I'm still on lockdown emotionally, I like the state of our home, my S is in a good place and that is my first priority. I am in a better place and know that I am an independent man and am thriving at work and have created some new relationships with some men and women outside of my homelife.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
how's the working out? I am slowly dipping to a healthier decrease and eating more. I am feeling my body reacting to the dieting and starvation and I'm trying to fix that right now.
condo sound nice. I am thinking about that in the future if its worth it to get one or just waste money in an apt.
Regarding W, what does your IC say you can do for her without trying to fix her? Sorry to hear about your W btw, that sounds so rough. I hope she gets the right kind of help she needs. She's got a lot of things to sort out first before she can deal with what's going on between you two so it'll take some patience.
baby steps, be there for your son, be strong. Don't give up. who knows how long it might take. One day something so random might happen to your W and she wakes up from it. Keep living and enjoy life.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
