Bo, I have seen you quote the same thing at least three times. She is manipulating you to get what she wants. Your lawyer even understands what is going on. She is trying to expedite separation because she is more than likely having an affair.
Sorry to be so blunt but you keep spinning in regards to her statement.
You’re right, LH—I’ll stop. My original intent was to give an example to Wanted.
Look man it's easy for me to see things because I have been on this board for over 4 years. I joke sometimes that it's like the movie Groundhogs Day here.
I don't want you to give up. I just want you to understand that from this point forward all your decisions should be made from a place of strength and for what is best for Bo and his children.
You are so young and have your entire life ahead of you. You will bounce back from this I promise you. I know you don't believe it now but this was probably a blessing in disguise.
I don't want you to give up. I just want you to understand that from this point forward all your decisions should be made from a place of strength and for what is best for Bo and his children.
Thanks. I don’t want to give up, either....but I feel now like things are hopeless for my MR (current feelings, I know). Of course I realize that the current MR is dead—whether I have MR 2.0 with W, or someone else down the road.
I go back and forth on what I want—do I want a future with W? How seriously do I want to consider recon and piecing?
But I’ve been trying to operate from a mindset of thinking what is best for me and the boys.
Originally Posted by LH19
You are so young and have your entire life ahead of you. You will bounce back from this I promise you. I know you don't believe it now but this was probably a blessing in disguise.
Keep your chin up.
I’m repeating myself here, but....I sometimes wonder if she’s doing me a favor that this is happening when I’m 35, instead of 45 or 55.
I hope I’ll bounce back—I just get the feeling that the next few months (at least) are going to be rough. I also hope the changes that I make in myself will be permanent / long-lasting.
How would you say that this could be a blessing in disguise?
This is a blessing in disguise because you deserve better and now is your chance to break free from someone that treats you so poorly and disrespects you.
I personally consider this a get out of jail free card. With my new found perspective i can clearly see that my STBXWW is a horrible spouse because she is extremely critical, judgmental and emotionally abusive.
I dont deserve any of the trestment i get from her now or in the past. Time for me to live my life to the fullest without WW.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I’m repeating myself here, but....I sometimes wonder if she’s doing me a favor that this is happening when I’m 35, instead of 45 or 55.
You mean like me? Well at your age you could actually start another family if you wanted. For me it was a little too late for that. But hey, it's never to late to start a new chapter in your life even if that doesn't mean kids. My life is quite different now, I didn't choose this path but I made (and am still making) the best of it. If given the choice I would have stayed married. But I'm not going to lie, I am having way more fun and way better sex now. I'm living a life I used to fantasize about while married. Whatever happens to you whether it's reconciling or not reconciling it will probably be a huge improvement over your old life. I think if more LBS's could look into the crystal ball and see where they will end up they wouldn't be so worried right now.
Quote
How would you say that this could be a blessing in disguise?
It has a way of waking you up, making you question everything you thought you knew and change your views, shakes you out of your complacency, makes you value the things you used to take for granted. It's a period of huge growth and discovery. Most people who are very successful in life credit adversity for giving them the drive to get there. They don't cry about having gone through it, they talk about how it hardened them and gave them steely determination. Now there is no question it's pure misery to go through something like this. It's horrible, maybe the worst thing you'll ever go through. But you can use it to your advantage.
When the journey to healing and growing begins, you will realize what potential can be unlocked. You can grow to unimaginable dimensions, becoming better than you ever dreamed of...
This is going to get worse before its gets better for you but when you come out the other side you will be a completely different man. I'm a way better dad now, in the best shape of my life, just ran a half marathon in September, recently promoted, and the list goes on and on. Even just learned to make protein pancakes lol.
Another beauty is I'm not afraid of anything anymore. I use to be terrified of public speaking. Now everything is like $hit if I can make it through a divorce I can do anything.
All this after the day of my bomb dropped wandering around my neighborhood aimlessly wondering what I was going to to because in my mind my life was over.
I will leave you with a quote I like it goes "My scars tell a story about how life tried to break me but failed!"
Whatever happens to you whether it's reconciling or not reconciling it will probably be a huge improvement over your old life. I think if more LBS's could look into the crystal ball and see where they will end up they wouldn't be so worried right now.
Thank you, AS.
I do hope you are right about this. I am trying to make the changes in myself necessary to be strong(er) and get through this as best as I can—and for the boys.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
It has a way of waking you up, making you question everything you thought you knew and change your views, shakes you out of your complacency, makes you value the things you used to take for granted. It's a period of huge growth and discovery. Most people who are very successful in life credit adversity for giving them the drive to get there. They don't cry about having gone through it, they talk about how it hardened them and gave them steely determination. Now there is no question it's pure misery to go through something like this. It's horrible, maybe the worst thing you'll ever go through. But you can use it to your advantage.
When my parents S / D when I was 22, before my senior year of undergrad, I made a promise to myself not to let that sink me.
And I didn’t. I pulled some of the best grades of my undergrad career, spent more time with friends, set new priorities, figured out the next chapter of my life (grad school over law school), and made a focus of what I wanted to look for in a partner. Though I am sad that it doesn’t appear that that has worked out to this point (I thought I knew what I wanted and thought I chose well—but I guess I didn’t, and I’m really sad about that).
It was a really great time in my life, but it was also very difficult. I radiated confidence, and that became apparent to a young lady who I would later date my first year of grad school.
I hope I can use this to my advantage, too—especially for me and the boys. I hate that they have to go through this—and that W is telling me that our oldest notices that things aren’t right between us.
I have been noticing the smaller changes in myself recently—being more confident in myself, stating what I want more intentionally, dreaming of a future to come.
I should just take it for what it is, but earlier this week I got a couple of compliments on my dress shirts from a couple of female colleagues (one is married)—one for the color (I wear deeply-colored dress shirts because I’m so fair-complected), and another made a comment when I told her that yeah I should probably get some new dress shirts because I’ve lost 30 lbs. and she was all ‘no, it looks great.’
/journaling to hopefully get this off my conscience
Feeling in a blue mood right now.
Feeling guilty—about what this is doing / will do to our kids. I feel awful that this is at least (partly) my fault—that there may have been something I could have done to change this.
Feeling remorse—about the good times W and I had. They were there, even if it didn’t always come across in my postings. I miss the good times, and wonder if maybe I took those things for granted. That there were times where she was good to me, and to us. Where did I go wrong, and what did I do to deserve this and bring this on us?
It’s hard to not live in the past and the future—which is what I described above (one foot in the past, one in the future).
Go ahead and 2x4 if you must, but this is just where I’m at right now.
Well at your age you could actually start another family if you wanted. For me it was a little too late for that. But hey, it's never to late to start a new chapter in your life even if that doesn't mean kids. My life is quite different now, I didn't choose this path but I made (and am still making) the best of it. If given the choice I would have stayed married. But I'm not going to lie, I am having way more fun and way better sex now. I'm living a life I used to fantasize about while married. Whatever happens to you whether it's reconciling or not reconciling it will probably be a huge improvement over your old life. I think if more LBS's could look into the crystal ball and see where they will end up they wouldn't be so worried right now.