It's a 30 day challenge for me to interact with people and the goal (of the challenge) is to successfully ask someone out on a date.
In a nutshell, it's a confidence building exercise.
It's something I absolutely need because my confidence in myself has been historically low (not as low now versus three weeks ago) and contributed to my S from my WW.
It has been about two weeks (maybe more, I'm not sure) since I last posted something in regards to my dips in my sitch and my feelings of attracting my WW back.
My DB journey originally began as a plea for advice for getting my WW back. Following Cadet's welcome post, I got many posters telling me that I need to GAL and detach. Steve, ovr, AS, R2C, Maika, Juju, V all provided me an overwhelming amount of advice and there was very little about what to do in regards to getting my WW back. All have said that I needed to GAL and detach in one form or the other. They told me to stop focusing on her and her WW actions and work on myself because I had a lot of issues that have contributed to the end of my R with WW. At the time, I knew that I needed to follow their advice because they have all been there in one form or the other.
The GAL portion was what I started to work on first. Getting out, enjoying life, keeping my mind off WW were all things that were incredibly hard to do, but over time became easier as time went on. The first major GAL thing that began my transformation was ovr telling me to join a gym and work on building myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. From that moment, I set the transformation of pain18 to Phoenix9 into motion. Like lifting, I was exercising other parts of me; my confidence, my manliness, my self-worth, and detachment from WW.
It was hard to fathom even two weeks ago that I was still hoping for an R with WW. I was still not detached obviously. I felt like I still had a chance because of the changes I have been making are definitely being noticed and I hoped deep-down she would be attracted to me again. I obviously never said those words explicitly on these boards, but I'm sure it was obvious to everyone that I was still pursuing my WW.
And then two weeks ago, I went to one of my clients and spent a good 3-4 hours not only chatting with a very attractive woman, but maintaining her interest me while I worked. I am not going to assume that she wanted me to ask her out or there was a chance for a hook-up/whatever. I just knew that she was attracted to me.I left the client with a spring in my step and the thought of "Wow, did I just really do that?" I could not stop smiling all weekend. Suffice to say, it was a great birthday present for me. This was a major turning point for me.
During that week, I thought "Ok, if I can attract interest in attractive women, I could probably do the same for my WW, despite her flaws and actions."
And then I thought of what ovr said a while back about using Meetup to look for things to do. And I opened the app and saw a social event taking place that Friday. I realized that I did not need to be home since grandma was watching D4 and I had that night free. That was my perfect opportunity to go out and apply all of the things I have learned over the last six months. My goal that night was to just engage and attract. No intentions other than to exercise and build on my confidence. I put on my nice clothes and headed there.
Immediately I started to talk to anyone who was available. There were two older ladies who I started to chat to. One of the ladies got pulled aside from another group so I was alone with her.
Originally Posted by Phoenix9's brain
Great Phoenix! Keep up the socialness! Apply what you learned to what you are doing!
That was my thought while I was talking to this woman. She was older than me, but still good looking, friendly, and intelligent. We talked for a good 30 minutes before I decided I needed a drink. I went to the bar, and another very attractive woman closer to my age came up beside me and started to make small talk. She was there for the social event as well so I decided to continue to practice my teaching. That small talk led to her and I talking for almost 3 hours. We have plans to meet again.
When I left, that was when it hit me:
There are many women who like me and are attracted to me! That WW is not one of the rare ones who liked me. There are, dare I say it, BETTER women than my WW!
Since then, I have not thought about R with my WW. In fact, I kind of want her to move out already so that I can enjoy the dating scene.
Where is this leading to? Detachment.
I think what my thought process is now is indicative that I have truly detached. If I haven't detached, then I am really damn close.
Can you replace other women with something else and not want to be with W?
I picture Tarzan about to swing from branch to branch here.
Give yourself some time. It's great you are feeling the euphoria. You're on that emotional high ppl are saying that is addictive for the WAS.
I think it was R2C or maybe AS who said that the difference between a WAS and a WW is that the WW is weak and needs OM to leave. The WAS usually has had enough and is stronger so can leave without OM. With that and that the LBS usually follows behind the WAS, I want to caution you on this part. I think it's great you have found your MOJO. Just don't replace your W with another woman before moving on. (I saw Steve quote someone about being with two women , I think it was on Dids thread)
Also, I saw a post, think it was here earlier about other women being attracted vs WW being disrespectful. Forgot who commented on that but it was brief and made me think. Other women are attracted because they don't really know us yet. They haven't been living with us for years to know our bad habits. I hope we don't forget the work that needs to be put into ourselves and think that because someone is new, that things will automatically be better, while we are most likely close to the same or more guarded than before.
I know I sound like a Debbie Downer. I don't want you to crash when you're by yourself and there's no one else around and think something is wrong because you thought you had detached. This is really a great stride in the right direction. Live P and enjoy life.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
