LBS dealing with WW (part 7) (piecing?)

[LH19]

Joe,

Stay strong my friend!

[BluWave]

I decided to end it. It was too much.

I uncovered two texts to exes that XW sent, and did not tell me about. In one of them she broke things off with one of her exes. In the other she flirted with the other guy. She was confronted, and she blocked both of them.

I found out more things that she was hiding from me. An addiction. Apparently, an addiction she hid for a very very long time. I tried very hard to be her accountability. She decided to continue to use, and I was not willing to have this around my S.

I decided that I would never get full truth from her. She will always hide serious things like this from me.

I had to end it. I am feeling so guilty. I feel like such a failure. I feel like I let her down. I feel like I let her S down too.

But this is for the best. I have to protect myself and my son.

It was just too much for me. I wasn't strong enough. I'm crushed.

(((Joe))) I am sorry this happened. Perhaps a day will come down the road when she shows you someone you can learn to trust and forgive. Maybe in 6 months, a couple years, or maybe not at all. In my strong opinion, piecing is hard enough as it is, and if there is dishonesty, addiction, a lack of remorse, or any piece not in place, it is near impossible. You made the right decision given what you have in front of you and what you know.

Here is my concern:
"I am feeling so guilty. ... I feel like such a failure ... I wasn't strong enough ..." and you state that you let her and her son down.

Joe! Please, please revisit this thread and reread your words several times, and especially as you begin to feel better. You are far too hard on yourself!

You are so hard on yourself and are accepting blame for a good decision. I hope you know that? I hope you just poured your heart out in a vulnerable moment here. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are not a failure. And you are incredibly strong! Just the fact that you were willing to give her a chance, speaks volumes about your character.

Please continue to post and update us, even if you two don't reconcile. There is a lot to be learned from your story. All of us come here because we want our S back. Most do not come back. Of those that do, they absolutely must have done the hard work and show us a person that has changed. Even then, piecing is very difficult and does not always work.

I wish you the best on your next step. You deserve much better than this. You are your own success, and control your success, and that has nothing to do with her or your M. That is true for all of us!

Blu

[NicoleR]

Joe,

This is a heartbreaking update. I'm so sorry. I can easily see myself in your shoes in a few years and I can't even fathom having to say goodbye a second time when you love someone so much, gave them so many chances, and tried so hard. You really tried hard. It was evident in your updates here. I admire you. You made the right decision but it's a hard lesson for your ex-wife to learn and an excruciating discovery for you to find out what she's been hiding. There aren't really any winners in this situation. It's sad for everyone but I completely agree with what you did. I think we can both still agree that Iraq was nothing compared to this.

[Jim1234]

I am feeling so guilty. I feel like such a failure. I feel like I let her down. I feel like I let her S down too.

It was just too much for me. I wasn't strong enough. I'm crushed.

Joe, if you read about someone else's situation, and saw them write this, you would think they were crazy. I don't mean to invalidate your feelings. I just think you're too close to the forest to see the trees. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you didn't let her down. I know it doesn't really do any good to hear from strangers on a board tell you that, but you can keep your head high knowing you did everything right.

[Surfer]

Hey Joe,

You did not fail. You protected. That's not failing. It might 'feel' like that. But it is not. This is hard [DB], but to protect is indeed a noble thing. Remember they are just transient - those feelings. And, the feeling of failure, it will pass. Like the feeling of fear, egg-shall walking etc . They all pass.

Stay Strong.

Surfer.