It's really hard to detach living in the same house. I am guessing it's even harder for you because your husband pursues at times and says some nice things to you.
It's really hard to detach living in the same house. I am guessing it's even harder for you because your husband pursues at times and says some nice things to you.
LH 19 it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. We basically have to see each other every day. And yes my H pursues. He really pursues like a mad man when I don't talk to him. Trust me when I say, in a couple days of me not talking to him, I will hear how he misses me and misses talking to me.
He is leaving at the end of this month for 2 weeks for his guys gone wild trip. So I will get a break from him. Last night he finally provided me with more details of his trip. He said he hadn't given me all the details because the trip was still being planned and that he didn't want to rub his trip in my face. Jerk. He says as soon as we finalize everything, I will give you all the details. He doesn't even have to bother.
Last edited by Living; 02/06/1903:22 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I guess I have to start all over with the detachment and going dark again. I can't bear to go through this emotional pain again so this time I have to be consistent. Time to truly work on letting go. I thought I had done that and I was on the right path but I let him pull me back in. That is my fault, not his.
It's really so sad that it has to come to this but this is how it almost always plays out. The LBS tries to hang on but the WAS just keeps slapping them back down again. Finally the LBS has been through so much hurt and pain that they just can't do it anymore. They raise their walls up and drop the rope. THEN the WAS realizes they've lost them and goes into pursuit mode. But after the LBS had truly dropped the rope, they don't want to pick it up again. Who can blame them, after what they've been through why would they want to chance ever going through it all again? Why can't people fall in love and just stay in love. Why aren't people willing to work at anything anymore. I just don't understand.
I guess I have to start all over with the detachment and going dark again. I can't bear to go through this emotional pain again so this time I have to be consistent. Time to truly work on letting go. I thought I had done that and I was on the right path but I let him pull me back in. That is my fault, not his.
It's really so sad that it has to come to this but this is how it almost always plays out. The LBS tries to hang on but the WAS just keeps slapping them back down again. Finally the LBS has been through so much hurt and pain that they just can't do it anymore. They raise their walls up and drop the rope. THEN the WAS realizes they've lost them and goes into pursuit mode. But after the LBS had truly dropped the rope, they don't want to pick it up again. Who can blame them, after what they've been through why would they want to chance ever going through it all again? Why can't people fall in love and just stay in love. Why aren't people willing to work at anything anymore. I just don't understand.
So much truth in that right there. Why do people give up so easily now days on m. It amazes me how many really do just walk away .
I guess I have to start all over with the detachment and going dark again. I can't bear to go through this emotional pain again so this time I have to be consistent. Time to truly work on letting go. I thought I had done that and I was on the right path but I let him pull me back in. That is my fault, not his.
It's really so sad that it has to come to this but this is how it almost always plays out. The LBS tries to hang on but the WAS just keeps slapping them back down again. Finally the LBS has been through so much hurt and pain that they just can't do it anymore. They raise their walls up and drop the rope. THEN the WAS realizes they've lost them and goes into pursuit mode. But after the LBS had truly dropped the rope, they don't want to pick it up again. Who can blame them, after what they've been through why would they want to chance ever going through it all again? Why can't people fall in love and just stay in love. Why aren't people willing to work at anything anymore. I just don't understand.
Once I drop the rope once and for all, I am almost positive I won't have it in me to be able to pick up again. I know this because when I dropped the rope with my ex (we were not married but were together 7 years) I never wanted him again. He pursued me like crazy and I shot all of his advances down. He lied, cheated, and was verbally abusive. Once I let him go, he finally realized what he had lost. He came crawling back full of regret but no I wasn't having it. After me, he has been in one relationship after another. Leaving him was one of the best decisions I have ever made in life. To this day, he still tells some of my family members that he was a fool for letting me get away. I know it is wrong but I wish the same fate for my H. lol! Sorry, not sorry.
As far as your last question...WHEW if we had the answer to that question this world would be a much happier place. I don't desire to spend my life alone so hopefully one day I can find a man that is capable of falling in love and staying in love. Or at the very least making the choice to love me in good times and bad, just like the vows say.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
(((Living))). Those talks really, really s#ck....Yes...you have to pick yourself up. Same game plan. Nothing has changed except that you had an R talk when he is clearly in the same frame of mind that he was at BD. You don’t know how this is going to end up but you do know that nothing is going to change overnight. ....Ultimately, of course, you would like to save your marriage but the only chance you have to do that is to let him go. Give him space and time. Get busy. Get out of the house... a lot. Stop worrying about and wondering what he is thinking or doing. Treat him like he is your roommate. Take care of yourself and let him take care of himself. Don’t ask questions that you may not want the answer to. When/if his feelings start to change, you will know it. Until then, live life for you and your S. Right now it is going to take a lot of effort and you aren’t going to feel like doing it. It will get easier, I promise. (((HUGS)))
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I am thinking it might be better for you to be alone this weekend and let H take care of S. I am sure you need some emotional release.
PS: Would you also add S age in your tagline.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
(((Living))). Those talks really, really s#ck....Yes...you have to pick yourself up. Same game plan. Nothing has changed except that you had an R talk when he is clearly in the same frame of mind that he was at BD. You don’t know how this is going to end up but you do know that nothing is going to change overnight. ....Ultimately, of course, you would like to save your marriage but the only chance you have to do that is to let him go. Give him space and time. Get busy. Get out of the house... a lot. Stop worrying about and wondering what he is thinking or doing. Treat him like he is your roommate. Take care of yourself and let him take care of himself. Don’t ask questions that you may not want the answer to. When/if his feelings start to change, you will know it. Until then, live life for you and your S. Right now it is going to take a lot of effort and you aren’t going to feel like doing it. It will get easier, I promise. (((HUGS)))
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I am thinking it might be better for you to be alone this weekend and let H take care of S. I am sure you need some emotional release.
PS: Would you also add S age in your tagline.
I agree and I thought it over and I’m either leaving my S home or he will go stay with a friend. I need the time to myself.
I need emotional release and I need to get myself together. I need to get myself back to where I was before I hoped back on his roller coaster.
I’m joining a gym and when I have the time during the week. I’m going to be gone as much as I can. I can gas my S with me go the gym. He loves playing basketball at the gym. I love being at home but I can’t stand the thought of being trapped in here with my H.
I know I may not be ready for this but I’m going to look at an appartment tomorrow. They just built some beautiful ones in my time in my sons school district. Like I said, I’m not sure I’m ready to leave. Kind of [censored] that I would have to be the one to leave when he is the one that wants out. But I don’t know how much more I can take.
Like I said he alll be gone for a couple of weeks starting at the end of this month, so I can enjoy quiet time at home while he is gone. Until then, I need to avoid him like the plague.
My S is 15 by the way. I’ll add that.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
S15 is old enough where he does not need constant adult supervision. Good.
Wait until Friday afternoon, then text this:
W:"H, something important came up. I will not be home this weekend. Nothing you need to worry about. S15 is planning on bla bla bla. I will let him know to contact you if he needs anything."
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
S15 is old enough where he does not need constant adult supervision. Good.
Wait until Friday afternoon, then text this:
W:"H, something important came up. I will not be home this weekend. Nothing you need to worry about. S15 is planning on bla bla bla. I will let him know to contact you if he needs anything."
Thanks Ready2Change I will do just that. Yes thankfull my son is a little older. I’m booking my room as we speak.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
