Instead per his claims, he had been feeling like our marriage was in trouble for years, yet he never said a word. He never suggested counseling...nothing. He just decided to give up. And for that I’m angry with him and probably will be for a long time.
The long timeline is script. It's re-writing history. Do YOU feel he was unhappy the whole time? Does your timeline line up with his?
Originally Posted by Living
I also think he’s created this fantasy that we are still going to be the best of friends once things are over. No Sir! He’s convinced himself that he will be happier without me. That is life will be happier when he’s not married. He’s convinced that he deserves to someday have another meaningful relationship. For me to say he doesn’t deserve that he thinks I’m wishing bad on him.
Who knows, maybe he will be happier without me. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe he won’t ever regret walking away. He seems to be convinced that this is what he wants. Maybe I’m kidding myself for thinking one day he will feel regret and remorse. Maybe that’s just the part of me that wants him to suffer that thinks that. Maybe he will be happier than ever once he escapes this prison known as marriage.
There are a few old sitches in the archives (sorry, I don't have any names off the top of my head) where folks who were in MLC did speak to this detached feeling. To me it screams of depression, as that detachment in a large part IS how the depression manifests.
It is not worthy of your time to debate yourself whether you think he will or won't be happier without you. Don't do that to yourself.
*Best of friends after Divorce = script *Unhappy forever = script *Happier without you = LBS script (YOU can stop this one)
The fact that he does not understand why you are upset shows he is in a different mental state. As I've read others say about MLC - "his empathy chip is broken".
You all are correct. He never once said he wanted the M. Just that he loves me, is going through something, is confused, misses me, can't understand how I can just cut him off, blah blah blah. He has said all kind of crap...he wants out of the M but isn't sure if he wants a D.
It's me again:)
I'm going to suggest you read some old MLCer threads. If it helps you see things "through" your H's eyes it may help you to detach and let him go. People who say the things he said are not coming from a healthy place. They're in pain too. I'm not trying to give him excuses, I'm only trying to show where he is coming from. For me I have found it helpful and calming to know that W is going through her own stuff, not tearing up our life just for fun. They're not doing this for fun - and for me that helps with my own pain.
Wonka is a woman who went through a MLC and recounted her mentality. Also AmyC. And there were some men but I just can't recall the screen names now.
Instead per his claims, he had been feeling like our marriage was in trouble for years, yet he never said a word. He never suggested counseling...nothing. He just decided to give up. And for that I’m angry with him and probably will be for a long time.
The long timeline is script. It's re-writing history. Do YOU feel he was unhappy the whole time? Does your timeline line up with his?
Originally Posted by Living
I also think he’s created this fantasy that we are still going to be the best of friends once things are over. No Sir! He’s convinced himself that he will be happier without me. That is life will be happier when he’s not married. He’s convinced that he deserves to someday have another meaningful relationship. For me to say he doesn’t deserve that he thinks I’m wishing bad on him.
Who knows, maybe he will be happier without me. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe he won’t ever regret walking away. He seems to be convinced that this is what he wants. Maybe I’m kidding myself for thinking one day he will feel regret and remorse. Maybe that’s just the part of me that wants him to suffer that thinks that. Maybe he will be happier than ever once he escapes this prison known as marriage.
There are a few old sitches in the archives (sorry, I don't have any names off the top of my head) where folks who were in MLC did speak to this detached feeling. To me it screams of depression, as that detachment in a large part IS how the depression manifests.
It is not worthy of your time to debate yourself whether you think he will or won't be happier without you. Don't do that to yourself.
*Best of friends after Divorce = script *Unhappy forever = script *Happier without you = LBS script (YOU can stop this one)
The fact that he does not understand why you are upset shows he is in a different mental state. As I've read others say about MLC - "his empathy chip is broken".
Yail, I honestly had no clue he was unhappy. I mean no marriage is perfect but when I say I was blindsided, it’s the truth. He claimed that he had been unhappy for a long time. However, he went along with his day and showed no signs of what was to come.
I’m in a bad state right now. Physically I feel ill. And it [censored] that I’m going through thisZ
I know there is a MLC script because when I started to research MLC, after a friend suggested she thought that was what was going on with my H, I was shocked to read many of the things that he had said to me.
I’m not sure what his mental state is but he’s definitely off.
I think he wants to continue this IHS because financially it’s convenient for him. I think he’s been playing me all along. I don’t think he wants this M and yes he is in the MLC fog but he’s trying to play me.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
You all are correct. He never once said he wanted the M. Just that he loves me, is going through something, is confused, misses me, can't understand how I can just cut him off, blah blah blah. He has said all kind of crap...he wants out of the M but isn't sure if he wants a D.
It's me again:)
I'm going to suggest you read some old MLCer threads. If it helps you see things "through" your H's eyes it may help you to detach and let him go. People who say the things he said are not coming from a healthy place. They're in pain too. I'm not trying to give him excuses, I'm only trying to show where he is coming from. For me I have found it helpful and calming to know that W is going through her own stuff, not tearing up our life just for fun. They're not doing this for fun - and for me that helps with my own pain.
Wonka is a woman who went through a MLC and recounted her mentality. Also AmyC. And there were some men but I just can't recall the screen names now.
Originally Posted by Yail
[quote=Living]You all are correct. He never once said he wanted the M. Just that he loves me, is going through something, is confused, misses me, can't understand how I can just cut him off, blah blah blah. He has said all kind of crap...he wants out of the M but isn't sure if he wants a D.
It's me again:)
I will take your advice and spend some time reading these later this evening. Thank you so much!!!!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Instead per his claims, he had been feeling like our marriage was in trouble for years, yet he never said a word. He never suggested counseling...nothing. He just decided to give up. And for that I’m angry with him and probably will be for a long time.
The long timeline is script. It's re-writing history. Do YOU feel he was unhappy the whole time? Does your timeline line up with his?
Originally Posted by Living
I also think he’s created this fantasy that we are still going to be the best of friends once things are over. No Sir! He’s convinced himself that he will be happier without me. That is life will be happier when he’s not married. He’s convinced that he deserves to someday have another meaningful relationship. For me to say he doesn’t deserve that he thinks I’m wishing bad on him.
Who knows, maybe he will be happier without me. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe he won’t ever regret walking away. He seems to be convinced that this is what he wants. Maybe I’m kidding myself for thinking one day he will feel regret and remorse. Maybe that’s just the part of me that wants him to suffer that thinks that. Maybe he will be happier than ever once he escapes this prison known as marriage.
There are a few old sitches in the archives (sorry, I don't have any names off the top of my head) where folks who were in MLC did speak to this detached feeling. To me it screams of depression, as that detachment in a large part IS how the depression manifests.
It is not worthy of your time to debate yourself whether you think he will or won't be happier without you. Don't do that to yourself.
*Best of friends after Divorce = script *Unhappy forever = script *Happier without you = LBS script (YOU can stop this one)
The fact that he does not understand why you are upset shows he is in a different mental state. As I've read others say about MLC - "his empathy chip is broken".
Yail, I honestly had no clue he was unhappy. I mean no marriage is perfect but when I say I was blindsided, it’s the truth. He claimed that he had been unhappy for a long time. However, he went along with his day and showed no signs of what was to come.
I’m in a bad state right now. Physically I feel ill. And it [censored] that I’m going through thisZ
I know there is a MLC script because when I started to research MLC, after a friend suggested she thought that was what was going on with my H, I was shocked to read many of the things that he had said to me.
I’m not sure what his mental state is but he’s definitely off.
I think he wants to continue this IHS because financially it’s convenient for him. I think he’s been playing me all along. I don’t think he wants this M and yes he is in the MLC fog but he’s trying to play me.
Ya and my W and i were trying to have a child together and a few weeks later came the big BD. Same thing as you said i know the m wasn't perfect obviously. We were using meds to help conceive and were actively using them when i got the bd . Now that was like being hit by a freightliner
Instead per his claims, he had been feeling like our marriage was in trouble for years, yet he never said a word. He never suggested counseling...nothing. He just decided to give up. And for that I’m angry with him and probably will be for a long time.
The long timeline is script. It's re-writing history. Do YOU feel he was unhappy the whole time? Does your timeline line up with his?
Originally Posted by Living
I also think he’s created this fantasy that we are still going to be the best of friends once things are over. No Sir! He’s convinced himself that he will be happier without me. That is life will be happier when he’s not married. He’s convinced that he deserves to someday have another meaningful relationship. For me to say he doesn’t deserve that he thinks I’m wishing bad on him.
Who knows, maybe he will be happier without me. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe he won’t ever regret walking away. He seems to be convinced that this is what he wants. Maybe I’m kidding myself for thinking one day he will feel regret and remorse. Maybe that’s just the part of me that wants him to suffer that thinks that. Maybe he will be happier than ever once he escapes this prison known as marriage.
There are a few old sitches in the archives (sorry, I don't have any names off the top of my head) where folks who were in MLC did speak to this detached feeling. To me it screams of depression, as that detachment in a large part IS how the depression manifests.
It is not worthy of your time to debate yourself whether you think he will or won't be happier without you. Don't do that to yourself.
*Best of friends after Divorce = script *Unhappy forever = script *Happier without you = LBS script (YOU can stop this one)
The fact that he does not understand why you are upset shows he is in a different mental state. As I've read others say about MLC - "his empathy chip is broken".
Yail, I honestly had no clue he was unhappy. I mean no marriage is perfect but when I say I was blindsided, it’s the truth. He claimed that he had been unhappy for a long time. However, he went along with his day and showed no signs of what was to come.
I’m in a bad state right now. Physically I feel ill. And it [censored] that I’m going through thisZ
I know there is a MLC script because when I started to research MLC, after a friend suggested she thought that was what was going on with my H, I was shocked to read many of the things that he had said to me.
I’m not sure what his mental state is but he’s definitely off.
I think he wants to continue this IHS because financially it’s convenient for him. I think he’s been playing me all along. I don’t think he wants this M and yes he is in the MLC fog but he’s trying to play me.
Ya and my W and i were trying to have a child together and a few weeks later came the big BD. Same thing as you said i know the m wasn't perfect obviously. We were using meds to help conceive and were actively using them when i got the bd . Now that was like being hit by a freightliner
Oh dear Bubbs16 I am so sorry to hear about your sitch with trying for a baby. Sending you hugs. If there is a silver lining, at least you all aren’t bringing a baby into the chaos. I’m not sure if you all already have kids but newborns can wreak havoc on a relationship. I’m a mess today but I’m again sending you lots of hugs. I truly hope your sitch gets better.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Bubba 16 I hear you buddy my wife and I had to use IVF for our first child and she went through hell with it. she was actually going to schedule to have her eggs retrieved again this year but then she decided against it since she's thinking about leaving me it's really hard breaking brother I feel you I really really do. I'm still not sure whether I have a WAW or mlc on my hands
Bubba 16 I hear you buddy my wife and I had to use IVF for our first child and she went through hell with it. she was actually going to schedule to have her eggs retrieved again this year but then she decided against it since she's thinking about leaving me it's really hard breaking brother I feel you I really really do. I'm still not sure whether I have a WAW or mlc on my hands
