Still foggy, still going (Phoenix9 DB XI)

[ovrrnbw]

Phoenix, I love that post! It's amazing man, you were working every day, taking small steps that lead to big change. Imagine where you'll be in another 6 months...

I had my breakthrough back in August when women were talking to me and I felt just like you do. It feels great.

Detachment and emotions are funny. They come and go. You continue to work on it though. Just yesterday I got a bit emotional, but for the most part I'm fine and I shut that down quickly. My W even commented that it doesn't seem like I care. But I just had to remind her that this just doesn't hurt like it used to, that my heart was crushed on BD/OM discovery and I slowly got tired of her crap.

Meetup is nice it just helps get people out of the house and make friends and live their lives. I'm glad you are enjoying your life b/c you should be happy. How's your little girl?

[Phoenix9]

Day 199,

Dealing with a historic amount of snow right now.

I’ll post updates soon.

D4 and I are good, we just haven’t seen much of each other since the beginning of this snowstorm.

[Phoenix9]

Day 200,

Another century day mark passed. I look back to who I was and who I am now and even I am in awe at how much I have grown. I never thought when I first signed up here that I would be the man I am now. I thought that by day 200 I would have my WW back and I would be a better H. And that's not the case at all. It still feels surreal. I am conscious of the changes I have made and ask myself "Can I make these changes permanent?" I know I need to. I have no other choice. I cannot go back to being my old self. I know I am capable of much more. I am finally understanding and accepting what people around me have been telling me for years. That I am an amazing, awesome, man and that I can and will get the best life has to offer me.

I have talked to my MC and we essentially wrote what is likely the final chapter of WW and I's first R. Starting next session, MC and I are going to continue to write the chapter of Phoenix9. A man who will continue to build on what he has worked on the last 200 days. A man only a fool would leave.

My pain from WW has decreased significantly. When I think about the things WW did to me, I wince in pain and then I move forward. I then tell myself "I put in my hard work. I did not cheat my way to another R. I started from the bottom and worked my a$$ off to be who I am now. I love me." I still wonder what awaits WW as she progressed her R with OM2. That being said, she and him deserve whatever is coming to them.

R2C, does it count if I get a date before the 30 days are up? Because (as of now) I have a date for tomorrow. It's time. I am going to start my journey again. This time, I am not seeking an R. I don't need an R to be whole. I want an R to share the love I have for myself, my family, and my life.

[Ready2Change]

R2C, does it count if I get a date before the 30 days are up? Because (as of now) I have a date for tomorrow. It's time. I am going to start my journey again. This time, I am not seeking an R. I don't need an R to be whole. I want an R to share the love I have for myself, my family, and my life.

I believe the goal is to do all the challenges. More for reprogramming your belief system and building confidence. It is about the journey and not the final destination.


Evaluate your choices. Conciser the consequences of each of the options. Make a choice. Live with the consequences of that choice. Repeat.

[Phoenix9]

Day 205,

There have been a lot of things going on in my life since my last update. First thing first though. I have finally come to the realization that I don't want my WW back anymore. My last bit of feelings of R for her gone. All I have now are memories, good and bad. I'm trying to not dwell on the mistakes I made and I am still trying to not have angry thoughts about the way she treated me, what she said, etc. I keep reminding myself that I contributed towards her behavior and she is deeply hurt. I also think about who she was when I first met her and how happy I made her. Then it goes downhill when I remember my passive-aggressive behaviors when she was pregnant, the mean things I said about our R, the angry outbursts, all stuff that contributed to the end. I feel guilt for my contribution towards it. I feel sad that when I look at my WW I see the shell of a woman who I fell in love with but is a different person dating someone else. And I think, "If I just...it would not have happened." Maybe it was supposed to end this way. But I know that I have to live with the heartbreak I caused to someone who truly loved me for who I was.

I am still struggling to do tasks that require my knowledge (taxes, hospital bills, childcare, etc.). I still have a problem of making a promise to do something then I don't do it. I have good reason not to do it, but I would tell her when she yells at me my reasoning for not doing it. For example, I was supposed to take some stuff to Goodwill. I told her I would take care of it months ago. Months later, the stuff is still there. When she yelled at me I told her why I couldn't...months later. I don't know if it's still my NGS or something else. I just know that I made promises to get stuff taken care of and I just don't want to do it for one reason or another.

In my life:

- Health is great. I feel better daily.
- WW is moving out in May. Either legal separation or divorce papers will be filed.
- I am going on a date tonight with someone I met at a Meetup three weeks ago.
- I am tentatively being assigned my own company car

In other words: I'm loving life.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I am going on a date with someone I met at a Meetup. I know that I am on the tail end of this journey, and with all of the confidence I was gaining and working it was going to be a matter of time before I would start embarking on a new R journey. That being said, I know I'm going to have to take it slow. I also know that Sandy told me to let her (all of you) know when I do. I am going to need that. If something comes of this, I want to make sure that the foundation I am laying down is one not only of love, but of strength, teamwork, and fair compromise. And I need to make sure that I continue to apply the things I have learned towards this new potential R. I really mean it when I say that I want my second chance to my last one.

Love you all.

[SoTorn]

It feela great doesnt it?!?! There are so many women out there. When you are confident and make the effort to dress nice and hit the gym, you are very attractive. I am still not used to the level of attention I get from women. .

I never thought in my wildest dreams that someone 13 years younger than me (25) would remotely be interested in me. But I was wrong. I chat up every woman that I can. The funny thing is that its never my intention to date anyone.

I just talk and thats it. You are a beast!! Go enjoy life. I sure as hell have been enjoying life to the fullest.

[ovrrnbw]

I like the update, I think in your sitch it's great to see you gaining confidence and getting a date, but I'm always worried that it won't look good b/c you are still married. I'm a bit torn.

[Phoenix9]

ST, it feels liberating. When I finally, truly let go. I felt a wave of relief and warmth. I felt happier. I don’t think I could have dropped her any sooner. As painfully slow as I put myself through this process. I have felt every thing, large and small. But every shot I took gave me the opportunity to learn from it. I would not be the man I’m becoming if I did not take the path I took.

ovr, I can understand. When we got married, our vows were about being together for better or worse. We were not married in front of God. I kind of find it silly that the stigma of dating while married goes away once the legal system formalizes it.

[Phoenix9]

Day 207,

I was going to post about my social life but something happened (WW claims accident) about an hour ago that just wrecked me. I will not go into details now, but I do know this:

I'm done with my WW. There is not, nor there will EVER be any reconciliation with her. EVER. The R is dead.

The R is dead.

[neffer]

And you are alive P. You have taken your time to get into what you are today. You have done a long voyage and the darkness is behind you. Your future is ahead and you’ll move forward with honor and respect.

Sending a big hug P, stay strong there. Take your time to enjoy D4, be THE parent.

Honor and respect P. We are there with you man.

(((Hugs)))