Sandi, it seems that your H dropped the rope on you? If so, how did he end up changing his mind to where he wanted to R with you? I ask because I am at the point where I have no desire to R with my WW. I am actually repulsed by her. I don't want to talk to her, be around her, nothing. I couldn't imagine ever being in love, close or intimate with her again. I just can't.
You would have to ask him that question.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
A damper end to what was a great weekend. I started out by going out to a GAL event and talking and getting someone's phone number for a possible meetup again (if she contacts me back). I had a good Saturday with D4 continuing to update my wardrobe, buy groceries, and ended up with us having dinner at a friend's house. Quieter day today, even with the Super Bowl. I called the woman I met Friday a few hours ago and waiting to hear back (again, if she contacts me back).
The skills I learned in DBing is applying to my (impending?) dating life. Don't pursue, GAL, PMA, look after yourself, and live your own life the way you want to live it.
I just now need to brace myself for the fun (I say that with half-sarcasm and half-seriousness) of courting. I think my mostly unsuccessful dating experience prior to me meeting WW is flaring up some insecurities that I thought were gone again.
I know this, I may not be ready, but I'll need to go through hopefully a less painful journey in my quest for Mrs. Phoenix (or some positive dating experiences).
No change in my sitch. In fact my WW seems to be deeper in...something for OM.
But you know what? I'm the happiest I have ever been. In the last month, I have been getting a LOT more admiring looks from a lot of women. I have been able to chat and lightly flirt with them, and 98% of them have been positively responsive. The social GAL thing I went to last Friday skyrocketed my confidence to a new high.
I'm now believing the thing that all of you have been telling me for months:
I'm a wonderful, awesome person and will attract a lot of folks who are looking for a person who has those qualities. I always thought my WW was my one and only. I thought that she is gone and I will not find anyone like her again.
That is not the case. I am AMOAFWL would leave. I now realize that there are women BETTER than WW that I can be with. I know I'm not only capable but excelling at finding them.
I'm so happy, everyone. I still have dips and sometimes crash which comes with the reality of this sitch. But overall, since I joined this board, I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life. Even happier than when I met my WW for the first time.
I'm so happy, everyone. I still have dips and sometimes crash which comes with the reality of this sitch. But overall, since I joined this board, I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life. Even happier than when I met my WW for the first time.
Maybe all this time you just needed your male confidence boosted.
Enjoy your elation.
Last edited by sandi2; 02/05/1905:45 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm going to split my status updates today into two parts. I am still doing the RotG missions and want to post Day 2.
1. What three accomplishments would you like to achieve to make you happier? [list] - Get into a body shape in which my stomach does not distend. Not a six-pack, just a flat stomach while continuing to build and tone muscle. - Save $1000 in my savings account by the end of this summer. - Sign a client to have their photo taken. A paid photography gig.
2. What are the reasons these accomplishments will make you happier? - I am loving my body more daily and that is due to the hard work I have been putting in at the gym. I am seeing results and I am getting more confident about my appearance daily. I want to continue this. - I want to be able to have some spare money to enjoy experiences that I have been putting off for years. Primarily traveling out of the state. I love to travel. - Photography has been a hobby I have been doing for the last 5 and a half years. I have gained great feedback from my friends and it's given me the confidence and encouragement to progress. People love my work.
3. What is my personal mission?
I will become a man who will be a well-known photographer in this area within 8-10 months.
4. List three specific results that will let you know that you've accomplished your mission.
- I will have completed three paid portrait photography sessions. - I will have clients who come back for repeat sessions - My bank account for my photography will show me that I am serious about turning this into a side-business
Because if I don't pursue it now, I will continue to suffer over the next year and - My motivation to continue to my interests will decrease and fail. - My resolution to see my personal goals will decrease and I will be complacent with things as is again. - My motivation to pursue other interests decrease.
But if I do pursue it now, I will enjoy the next few years and - My enthusiasm for my hobbies will increase over time. - My curiousity to continue to build on top of what I have accomplished will increase over time. - My determination to be the best will improve over time.
I will finish the mission of making eye contact with strangers and note their eye color by the end of this day.
As promised, my status for not only this day, but for the last 11 days.
It's been 85-90% positive and happiness. And that figure is unarguably the highest I have ever rated my happiness.
I am drawing a good amount of positive, attractive attention from women. I have been flirting and having conversations with women about anything. And they are responding very positively. I feel attractive. I AM attractive. It starts with my body language and the way I carry myself. My confidence in my body carries the good attitude (weight lifting has been amazing for me) and it goes from there. I talk to as many people I can, man or woman. Anyone who would enjoy talking about their day, what they like to eat, the weather, and so on. The response has been all positive.
Last Friday I decided to take an opportunity of Grandma watching D4 and I got dressed in my finest Men's Warehouse wardrobe (Dark Levi's jeans, blue dress shirt, tan vest, brown overcoat, brown dress shoes) and go to a Meetup social event in Portland.
From there my confidence skyrocketed. I talked to more women. One was a very attractive health care worker who came to me ( :o) and we hit it off. Lots of talking, lots of eye contact, she would not leave my side. I left to go to the bathroom and she asked me if I was leaving. I was not leaving. We sat next to each other and continued to talk to the other folks there for a good 3 hours. At the end of the night, I walked her to her car and asked for her number to make plans to go on a date the next Tuesday (yesterday. More on that in a moment). The next day, I hit another sale at Men's warehouse and picked up two shirts, snazzy black dress shoes, and a black suede belt. My wardrobe shift continues.
I confirmed plans with her Super Bowl sunday by leaving her a message on her phone. She texted me back the next day with enthusiasm and told me she is looking forward to it.
Yesterday was the day of the date and I was nervous but looking forward to it. And then she texted me that she had to cancel because she was sick. Bummer. She was disappointed that we could not go this weekend since she is out of town and works until Friday next week. So we made plans to meet next Friday.
I could have changed my plans and just go lift and stay at my friend's.
I did not.
I got dressed in my date clothes, and drove into the city for a night in one or Portland's vibrant arts districts (that was our date plan). I got there and the place was very slow. Everything except bars and restaurants were closed. Stores and art galleries were shuttered and there were not many people walking the street. To add, it was bitterly cold. I then realized that her being sick was a blessing in disguise. I don't think she would have enjoyed herself yesterday. I made the most of my time alone and had a nice dinner and ice cream at Salt and Straw (where I continued to chat to random friendly folks). Drove back late, lifted, and went to sleep.
I had a long day at work, but when it was all done, I felt great. I was not angry or bummed out like I was. I felt and still feeling very happy. I love this job.
The impending snowstorm this coming weekend has me considering plans with D4 and what we're going to do. Chances are it will just be me and D4 for the entire weekend since WW will be with OM2 and cozying up to him in the snow. I care less now. Her loss. I am amazing. My date (maybe) is proof that not only can I still draw them (thank you again everyone for the vote of confidence), but keep them engaged, whether it's a friendly chat, a date, or a bowling partner.
I'm saying this now: 2019 has been a great year so far. I truly feel reborn.
Originally Posted by sandi2
Maybe all this time you just needed your male confidence boosted.
Enjoy your elation.
No maybes about it, Sandi. It was a huge shot in the arm. I am loving where I am now.
