when I was in the thick of my situation, I really didn't want to see my W. She would be with OM at his parent's house but come home every few days for clothes or whatever. She also tried talking to me then. So I completely ignored her calls and texts and also, if she was home, I wouldn't come home. I'd stay with my sister or go out for a bit until she left. Even during the week. I just didn't want to see her or talk to her and it let her come home to an empty house and get the little bit of time with me that she wanted. I wasn't content to just talk to her a couple hours here and there.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
That’s why I’m here, I’m angry and it helps that you all keep me from making a stupid mistake.
That is why we are here as well. More options you are aware of the better.
Is S15 aware of your marital issues?
Thank you Ready2Change, you guys help more than you know.
Yes my S(15) knows about our marital situation. He has hopes that we will work it out, poor little guy. He said if we don’t he has friends that he can lean on that have been through a divorce with their parents. He seems to be doing pretty good though. But I think that’s becusse as of now, we are all still together. For his sake H and I agreed to remain civil. So S pretty much sees us behave in a respectable manor. Whenever H and I do have intense discussions, we take a ride so S doesn’t hear the conversation.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
when I was in the thick of my situation, I really didn't want to see my W. She would be with OM at his parent's house but come home every few days for clothes or whatever. She also tried talking to me then. So I completely ignored her calls and texts and also, if she was home, I wouldn't come home. I'd stay with my sister or go out for a bit until she left. Even during the week. I just didn't want to see her or talk to her and it let her come home to an empty house and get the little bit of time with me that she wanted. I wasn't content to just talk to her a couple hours here and there.
It’s tough for sure. I wish I had somewhere else to go but I don’t. Plus I run my business from out of my home office so that requires me to be home a nice portion of the day.
My sitch is tough but it’s what I have until we can wrap things up. My H makes it harder with his pursuit and roller coaster of emotions. However, I’m just going to have to learn how to ignore him.
I’m going to work, and when I get home retreat to my office or bedroom each day. That [censored] but hey it’s what I have. When I can, I’ll be away from home. But again, I’m running a business and raising a son so I can’t be gone everyday all day.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
My little hotel get away is going ok. I got a million calls and a million text messages from the H when he realized I wasn’t coming home. He literally lost it and is very made.
He send me a text saying he’s worried about me and doesn’t know if I’m out drunk or need help. I responded that I was fine and there was no need to worry.
What followed was phone calls and text messages.
He wanted to know where I was. I didn’t answer.
Somewhere in all of his text message rants he tells me that this seals the deal for him and that the M is over. He says he can’t beleive I didn’t come home.
He then goes on to say that I could never handle the truth about our sitch. And the reason I’m acting this way is because I can’t handle the truth.
He then goes on to say that the truth is, I’m not the woman for him. I’m a good woman but just not what he wants. He says we aren’t compatible. That the M just didn’t work out the way he wanted. He says that he messed up in the M for not holding me accountable for issues he had with me. And for not discussing the problems he was having with the M. He claims for that he’s sorry.
Says he was unhappy with me and the M for a long time and just try to force himself to act happy. That he did fall in love with me but he realized at some point that I wasn’t the woman for him and he should have left then.
He said he loves me but it just isn’t there anymore. Again, I’m just not the woman that he needs or desires. He’s said that sexually, I’m not enough. Again I’m just not the woman for him and that’s why he wants out.
He says he will leave me alone and stop pursuing me. He says that will be hard for him but both of us deserve to find the person that will make us happy. Says I can’t give him what he needs and he can’t give me what I need. Says me not coming home put it all into perspective for him.
I will be honest here guys...hearing all the above hurts like he11. “I’m just not the woman for him?” Wow OUCH! He’s been unhappy for a long time and faked it. The guy deserves an Oscar because I had no clue. His words cut like a knife and mentally I’m a msss. But I didn’t respond to his messages.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
It does hurt, i know people here will say dont listen to it blah blah blah but it still CUTS DEEP. My w told me all that I cant be the man she needs me to be ever etc etc. looking back she realizes she was never happy blah blah blah. Just like you said THEY DESERVE an oscar award cause she could have fooled me as well...
It does hurt, i know people here will say dont listen to it blah blah blah but it still CUTS DEEP. My w told me all that I cant be the man she needs me to be ever etc etc. looking back she realizes she was never happy blah blah blah. Just like you said THEY DESERVE an oscar award cause she could have fooled me as well...
I’m sorry to hear that your wife said these things to you. It does hurt and we aren’t robots and unlike him I’m not capable of acting as if things don’t bother me. It’s obvious he has communication problems. He chose to keep the issues he was having with the M inside rather than address them. How can a person know what the problem is if you won’t tell them?
Why would a person just stay in a M they knew they weren’t happy in?
There were things that we were both unhappy with regarding the M. The things that he initially told me he had a problem with, I tried to fix. At least I can honestly say I freaking tried. He didn’t.
I should also add that he’s says there is no reason to rush into a D. That he wants us to wait until we both will be ok financially. He wants to be able to keep me on his medical insurance. So we don’t have to rush. However he claims he will leave me alone and we can just live like roommates.
He said but he doesn’t understand why we can’t go out to dinner or a movie from time to time because we are still married.
He’s been calling and texting off and on all night and now through the day. He wants to know whew I’m at and who I’m with. I haven’t responded.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
i guess lots of reasons. they dont want the lbs to know ? they are scared? they think they can fix it themselves? im not really sure. Of course some of it is them rewriting history .
Heck even if they sat you down and said look Im really struggling in the M and these are the things that need to be adressed moving forward or im not sure i can keep doing this any longer .
No they just get to a point where they say I'm done. 100% done. I dont want to work on it and you cant fix yourself
i guess lots of reasons. they dont want the lbs to know ? they are scared? they think they can fix it themselves? im not really sure. Of course some of it is them rewriting history .
I will never for the life of me understand how anyone can fake happiness for years. Perhaps he was scared to tell me how he was feeling. Maybe he was scared to hurt my feelings. But hopefully he will see that is not how to handle things. Hopefully he will at least learn that lesson before he gets into another R.
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Heck even if they sat you down and said look Im really struggling in the M and these are the things that need to be adressed moving forward or im not sure i can keep doing this any longer .
That is exactly what should have happened. He should have addressed the issues he had before he allowed them to fester. It just shows me that he lacks some serious relationship skills. The crazy thing is we always talked about how important communication is in a M. We vowed to communicate with one another.
I don’t claim to be perfect and some of the issues he had with me he has every right to have. I just wish he would have come to me. I wish he would have felt comfortable enough to come and talk to me. I wish he would have known that I would have truly listened and worked on my shortcomings.
But after listening to him, I’m not sure that even if I would have fixed everything it would have been enough. It’s obviously not enough now. I just think he really doesn’t want to be with me and like he said, I’m just not the woman for him.
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No they just get to a point where they say I'm done. 100% done. I dont want to work on it and you cant fix yourself
And that’s the part that hurts the most. You will throw away 13 years before ever even trying. So what that means to me is that you were never really 100 % committed to this M. I’m not an irrational person...I would have way more respect for him if he would have come to me and if he actually at least tried work on the M before just pulling the plug.
So when we took our wedding vows when we said for better or for worse. What he really meant was I’m only here for the better. When we said in good times and bad. What he really meant was I’m only here for the good times. When the bad times come I’m out. When he said and forsaken all others. What he really meant is only when I feel I’m getting what I want. When I’m not, I’ll go out and cheat.
When we with through pre-marital counseling with our pastor, it’s obvious he didn’t listen or really take heed the advice we were given.
Again I wasn’t perfect, I failed too. The difference is I’m doing the work self and was willing to work on the M.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
