Jac... you can’t worry about what your w is thinking or feeling right now. There is no doubt that she isn’t happy and she is trying to figure out why. I’m sure the partying is starting to get a bit old. She is likely trying to come to terms with her dad’s illness and his inevitable passing. I think you are doing really well. Keep doing what you are doing. Live your life for you and your son...maintain a positive R with your w but don’t pursue. She needs time and space to figure things out and if you chase her, she will become more cemented in her position. I know how hard this is but there is no short cut. Have faith that you are doing the right thing. Your w’s stubbornness may prevent her from reaching out initially but if she truly decides she made a mistake and wants to return, she will let you know. It is very hard not to do something to try and expedite the process but trust everyone on here, sometimes the absolute best thing to do is to do nothing. (((HUGS)))
Thank you Deja. I'm doing what I can to detach and give her space to figure herself out. Some days are good, other days I break down (just in my own home, never in front of her).
I realize it's still very early in the process but the idea of continuing like this [censored]. I guess this is why the GAL is so important (and I am keeping busy seeing friends). It does help but I wish I could do more to help my W but I realize she doesn't want that from me right now.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
This is my wknd with my Son who turns 2 on Friday. My mom is back from Florida and we are having an impromptu bday celebration (pizza, cake and presents) for him this evening. My brother and 2 of my friends are also coming.
Should I have invited my W? She moved out of the home Feb 1. She has previously asked what we should do for his birthday and I know she's anticipating seeing her side of the family next weekend when she has our son. I know she will invite me to join that day.
To be honest, I don't really want her here tonight. I'd prefer to have a nice evening with my family and friends but I feel bad not inviting her.
Looks like this has already come and gone but I did want to comment because I'm sure similar things will happen in the future. This is one of those grey areas of DB'ing that is really up to you. My personal take on it is I felt it was important for the ex and I to continue to do joint bday parties for the kids to show that despite our differences we were still united in support of them. We also went to sporting and school activities and sat together (drove separately though). We continued to do that throughout S and D and in fact continue it to this day. Neither of us brought an OP along though. Some WAW's insist on bringing an OM along, if my ex had been like that I'm not sure I would have been OK with doing things jointly and probably would have done my own thing with the kids.
That said, if you don't want her there then don't feel obligated. Sounds like you had a nice get-together planned without her, and certainly that's a fine way to handle it as well.
This is my wknd with my Son who turns 2 on Friday. My mom is back from Florida and we are having an impromptu bday celebration (pizza, cake and presents) for him this evening. My brother and 2 of my friends are also coming.
Should I have invited my W? She moved out of the home Feb 1. She has previously asked what we should do for his birthday and I know she's anticipating seeing her side of the family next weekend when she has our son. I know she will invite me to join that day.
To be honest, I don't really want her here tonight. I'd prefer to have a nice evening with my family and friends but I feel bad not inviting her.
Looks like this has already come and gone but I did want to comment because I'm sure similar things will happen in the future. This is one of those grey areas of DB'ing that is really up to you. My personal take on it is I felt it was important for the ex and I to continue to do joint bday parties for the kids to show that despite our differences we were still united in support of them. We also went to sporting and school activities and sat together (drove separately though). We continued to do that throughout S and D and in fact continue it to this day. Neither of us brought an OP along though. Some WAW's insist on bringing an OM along, if my ex had been like that I'm not sure I would have been OK with doing things jointly and probably would have done my own thing with the kids.
That said, if you don't want her there then don't feel obligated. Sounds like you had a nice get-together planned without her, and certainly that's a fine way to handle it as well.
Thanks Another...If things don't work out with us I do want us to be able to be be in places together as a family when appropriate.
Some of the advice I've gotten from some family is let her see the consequences of her actions, what she's missing out on, etc and the sooner this happens the better as she's living in a fantasy world right now.
So here is a good question: As of now, she's not contributing to our marital home. I'm self employed and she makes 3x what I make (I do well and can handle things on my own). She has said she doesn't think she should be paying half our our mortgage/taxes bc she has to pay for her own place and if she did pay and couldn't afford it she would be resentful towards me. (most of her income is in bonuses so if they don't pan out she can't afford the luxury condo she's in now AND pay support to me).
At what point do I bring up this conversation again? I kind of feel like laying low is the best strategy right now as she experiences this life but I can't drag this on forever. I am restructuring my business so I can be at home in the evenings for my son and I will likely take a financial hit as I get things going again.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
She is feeling guilty and is hoping you will say "its okay, we forgive you." Anyway, I would let this sit, do not respond. Later when she says "Did you get my text?" Just say "Yes." Don't feed the monster.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So here is a good question: As of now, she's not contributing to our marital home. I'm self employed and she makes 3x what I make (I do well and can handle things on my own). She has said she doesn't think she should be paying half our our mortgage/taxes bc she has to pay for her own place and if she did pay and couldn't afford it she would be resentful towards me. (most of her income is in bonuses so if they don't pan out she can't afford the luxury condo she's in now AND pay support to me).
At what point do I bring up this conversation again? I kind of feel like laying low is the best strategy right now as she experiences this life but I can't drag this on forever. I am restructuring my business so I can be at home in the evenings for my son and I will likely take a financial hit as I get things going again.
Get it resolved ASAP. DO NOT roll over expecting it'll earn you any brownie points with her, it won't. In fact she'll likely see you as being a weak pushover if you do nothing. She'll respect you even less.
Quote
"I woke with happiness and sadness this morning. I just want to apologize to how I've treated you and "our son" these past few months"
How do I respond???
As Steve said, don't respond. I would question her motives for saying this, she may be trying to soften you up for the financial settlement. Even if she did mean it, it was likely just a brief outburst after which she went right back to being a WAS.
So today my W asks me if I would be ok moving into her condo if things work out between us, until we figure out where we will buy a house. She apparently doesn't like the house we currently own...
This weekend is her weekend with our Son and it's his bday on Friday. She said maybe we should hang out together on the weekend as a family but she would still go home and sleep in her bed.
Up and Down like a Yo-yo. I don't know if she's planning on leaving when he goes to bed or if she wants to hang out together a bit before she leaves but since it's her weekend with him I feel like he should sleep at her place so he can get used to it.
Is she softening? Is her Condo single life not as glamorous as she hoped?
I feel like I need to stay pretty neutral and let her do the talking...don't put too much stock into what she says right now.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
