SV hope you are feeling a bit better and getting over the sickness that has kept you and your D down.
Understanding the how's and whys is something i see on almost every thread on this site. I am no expert, but I don't see a ton of definitive answers. I know I don't have any in my sitch. I too am a scientific guy that likes to figure out the why answers to better understand and prevent negative outcomes in the future. This site preaches as do many books and other sites that you must work on yourself. That is very difficult for someone that is looking for reasons this happened outside of oneself. Look inside and find those things that you can change to improve yourself. I spent a lot of time reading about things I thought were wrong with her. It did nothing to help me dig out.
I too am still very unsure about this whole process, other than the lawyers are out to take all of your money. My W would email her L to inform me via my L that she wanted to hire a plumber to unclog the sink. $200 to the plumber, $900 to the lawyer. I am currently proposing to her that we should be mature enough to negotiate and communicate stuff like this and finances without the L because it's just wasting our money and destroying our savings in a hurry. She is neither for it not against it, but is considering it. I will not push the issue, but will not do anything financially to help her until she is willing to talk and negotiate without demands on me. Educate yourself and decide what mountains you will die on and what you will give ground on.
The stuff posted by R2C is good stuff! Thanks for posting that!
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
SV hope you are feeling a bit better and getting over the sickness that has kept you and your D down.
Still down and out. It's brutal - but thanks for asking.... appreciated!
Originally Posted by LB55
I too am still very unsure about this whole process, other than the lawyers are out to take all of your money. My W would email her L to inform me via my L that she wanted to hire a plumber to unclog the sink. $200 to the plumber, $900 to the lawyer.
What. Wow. That is not going to fly with me. As of now there has not been L talk (yet) but I am going to try my best not to let it get to that point. LB - i feel for you. I believe you did the right thing - yes it should not have to come to that!.
SV hope you are feeling a bit better and getting over the sickness that has kept you and your D down.
Still down and out. It's brutal - but thanks for asking.... appreciated!
Originally Posted by LB55
I too am still very unsure about this whole process, other than the lawyers are out to take all of your money. My W would email her L to inform me via my L that she wanted to hire a plumber to unclog the sink. $200 to the plumber, $900 to the lawyer.
What. Wow. That is not going to fly with me. As of now there has not been L talk (yet) but I am going to try my best not to let it get to that point. LB - i feel for you. I believe you did the right thing - yes it should not have to come to that!.
Too bad, that's always tough to be laid up with the sickness like that! Keep fighting, it will break soon.
Yes the L adds up in a hurry. I bet we are $15k into it or more, not sure what her bill is. I will just leave my invite out there and she can put her pants on and meet to discuss finances or she can maintain status quo. I don't know how people less fortunate financially can do this.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Finally woke up yesterday and didnt have the imminent feeling I was going to die today. Think (and pray) this sickness is working it's way out.
sv, just be aware every day is different. During my sitch I would wake up one morning feeling like I was ready to move on with my life without her. The next I woke up feeling like my life was over. The roller-coaster ride is real.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
...what it is that changes so suddenly in these women.... I cant.wrap.brain.around.it.
The woman didn't change. Your awareness changed.
That's definitely true to a point!
What makes you think anything was sudden? In most of these cases, the hurt and rejection that the WS has felt for many years finally culminates in a decision to walkaway....or to start an affair. Its just that you havent noticed it until it's reached this point. Ive posted that to me, it feels like a lake freezing upward - over the years, the water is turning to ice, but you dont notice it until that top layer changes....at that point, the whole lake is solid, but you may have only just noticed the change because it was all under the surface.
WW asked me tonight if we could talk. I said sure. She said are we ready to go mediator route, no L's? I said sure, do whatever you have to do. Draw it up.
She then asked if I had anything else to say, to which I replied 'nope'.
WW asked me tonight if we could talk. I said sure. She said are we ready to go mediator route, no L's? I said sure, do whatever you have to do. Draw it up.
She then asked if I had anything else to say, to which I replied 'nope'.
She got up and left.
Good job of removing the pressure. Now don't be surprised if she doesn't do a thing about it! Try to avoid asking her about it.
WW asked me tonight if we could talk. I said sure. She said are we ready to go mediator route, no L's? I said sure, do whatever you have to do. Draw it up.
She then asked if I had anything else to say, to which I replied 'nope'.
She got up and left.
Good job of removing the pressure. Now don't be surprised if she doesn't do a thing about it! Try to avoid asking her about it.
I guess Im a little confused. Are you planning to go through with mediation? My understanding is that the process requires both parties to come to the table and discuss and agree on terms. If thats not what youre planning, then why agree to it? Is there anything you need to fight for?
