MLC and WAS

[Kwandoku]

Truth is, right now, I have no idea how I feel.

Up until finding out I was 100% committed to finding a way through this. Prepared to give her as long as she needed.

Now, I don't know.

I feel like a line has been crossed, and she is without a doubt not the same girl I married.

Will I ever be able to trust again?

My plan is to as calmly as possible tell her she will need to find other sleeping arrangements tonight outside of the mbr.

We will see if she comes clean at that stage.

[LB55]

Remember do not tell her what you know. Only that you know it.

H: W you will need to sleep elsewhere.

W: You are such a jerk! I haven’t done anything to deserve this!

H: we both know that isn’t true.

Don’t reveal what you know. She will just deny it anyway. Mysterious man you must be.

[SoTorn]

Well guys, it's confirmed.There's OM.

Someone she goes to uni with. Someone more like her.

I feel like my heart has collapsed, and it's hard to swallow.

She was going to Singapore alone for a few days in April to find herself before heading to a yoga retreat. Turns out she had booked tickets for the both of them.

I don't know what to do. Do I confront her?

I feel like I should ask her to leave.

Im sorry you had to face this. Nothing hurts more. I also thought my WW was a WAS until i hired a PI to confirm. It hurts. Let yourself feel your emotions. I decided it was a dealbreaker for me. It hurt but I DBd like a madman and detached myself enough to see that my WW is a narcissistic emotionally abusive woman. I am just about to finalize D with her.

I have also started dating as well and have met another woman who is simply amazing. Taking it very slow on that end but there are better women out there that wouldnt even consider doing this to someone who loves them so deeply.

Keep posting. Keep up the DB and GAL. Life [censored] right now and the betrayal is very difficult to deal with. We are here for you to vent and talk.

[SoTorn]

Well guys, it's confirmed.There's OM.

Someone she goes to uni with. Someone more like her.

I feel like my heart has collapsed, and it's hard to swallow.

She was going to Singapore alone for a few days in April to find herself before heading to a yoga retreat. Turns out she had booked tickets for the both of them.

I don't know what to do. Do I confront her?

I feel like I should ask her to leave.

Also, a W going to WW seems like a trend once they start going to yoga and pilates and make a bunch of "free spirit " type friends. Thats exactly what mine did. My WW is no more than a piece of trash that mothered my children.

I will never trust her again and I will cut her completely from my life. I dont allow a person who could hurt me so badly to be in my life at all.

[Kwandoku]

Thanks SoTorn.

Before finding out about the A I told myself that I would accept anything but an A to repair our relationship, even if it took years.

Now though, I just feel numb. One second angry, one second bowling my eyes out, the next second calm and collected.

The OM is a uni 'friend'. 5 years younger than she is and studies sustainability as she does. Cares about the environment but has no moral values.

I'm back home and have put some of her clothes and toiletries at the base of the bed.

Thanks for all the support.

Deep breaths.

[neffer]

Sorry about the news Kwandoku. Set boundaries and stick to DB basics. You have a long road ahead.
Keep reading what you are getting here and keep posting. It´s time to detach and work on yourself. GAL is very important, try to get it.

It takes time and patience. You need to be strong. Start walking man. You are not alone.

[Kwandoku]

Confronted the W about OM tonight when she got home.

As expected she pulled out all the stops - played dumb, kept asking me what's wrong, etc, never admitting to anything.

When I presented her with the proof of the air ticket, she says that they are just friends and for convenience booked the tickets together.

She vehemently denies she has feelings for him, but admitted that he may have feelings for her, but hadn't acted on anything yet.

I told her I wasn't going to be the fool who waited around for that to happen.

Here's the kicker, to her she was perfectly justified to book the flight with her "friend" because apparently we had agreed to separate already - we had not, merely had a conversation to entertain it as a way to give her space.

We didn't actually have the talk around the logistics of separating, boundaries etc. She was still in our bed up till last night! Tickets were booked Feb 5 ...the day of my birthday no less.

I told her in plain English that she would not be allowed to sleep in our bed tonight, and that tomorrow morning we could facilitate the actual separation discussions. Not a trial one, but an actual one.

I'm in so much pain. Don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight.

[neffer]

Stay strong there man. Remember: believe nothing that they say and half of what they do...

Take your time, set and keep your boundaries. NO steps back. No open M clearances.

Stay away from MR talks. Keep DBing.

You can do it man. You are just at the start of the marathon. Deep breath and go: forward!

[Kwandoku]

Thank you Neffer.

I honestly wouldn't know how I'd be coping right now had I not found this forum for encouragement and guidance from all of you.

The cat is out of the bag now. My inlaws, who are currently stay with us, know there's something up.

I've told them that we will tell them what's going on, ie the separation, tomorrow morning. I feel bad for them, they have been my equal parents for the past 14 years, since I was 17.

I wonder how the W will defend her A "friend" and trip. She is deep in the fog I'm afraid, and just getting started.

[Kwandoku]

I know I made the right call tonight, but I recurring doubts that maybe at this stage they are just friends.

I'm not naive enough to think that it wouldn't just be a matter of time before it turned into a full blown A, especially on their trip to Singapore, but still, have I just pushed her directly into his arms?

No, she was already gone.