If I remember right you are in WA which is no fault. However, can proving the A help your child custody case?
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Sorry to hear about the OM. What did your son have to say about him?
It's seriously pathetic how 90% of the WAS's have to line up something and start an affair before leaving.
Yes, it is pathetic.
It is also pathetic that they tell all kinds of people that are not their spouse how many problems they have with their spouse. I know its part of the process they go through and it will never make sense to us.
I did not probe about him, I am not going to get a restraining order again for asking my kids to tell me more. If they tell me on their own, I can't control what they say. Honestly I don't care too much, just a confirmation of what I suspected. Not the who I suspected, but doesn't make much difference. Single dude, 4 kids, lives with his parents is what I can infer from what they said.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
If I remember right you are in WA which is no fault. However, can proving the A help your child custody case?
Yes I am in WA. No fault is correct. They would award the spouse 50% of everything because he/she doesn't like green beans and you do. The marriage is irrevocably broken.
They only care that the kids have food, clothes, and housing with custody unless there is abuse. She could be smoking MJ and getting in bed with 5 dudes a night at the house and the state doesn't care. Liberal justice.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
I will give her a quick reply when she asks about it: W, In compliance with your requests that no negotiations take place between us outside of court orders, and the court orders do not address our plans to sell investments to pay bills, I am unable to discuss a plan to sell investments to pay for bills. Please consult with your L and draft up your proposal for review by my L. Regards, H”
LB I'm honestly kind of stuck on this. On the one hand your W has painted you into this "litigation" corner, but on the other hand I kind of feel like maybe you shouldn't feed it anymore than you have to. I mean I'm sure it is costing both of you out the butt regardless. Is your position that you don't want to cash in any of the investments right now? Is there a reason for that? I mean they will have to be split up during the D anyway I would think, so whether you do it now or later probably doesn't matter much. If you don't want to for now then just tell her that. "W, I don't want to cash in the investments at this time." If she keeps hounding you about it, then you can say "draft up your proposal and I will review it with my L."
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Single dude, 4 kids, lives with his parents is what I can infer from what they said.
Wow, yet another classic case of "affairing down". I'm glad to hear it hasn't affected you too much. Do discuss it with your L though, because as Twofeet said it may very well help your custody case even in a no fault state.
On a side note, if anyone didn't already think your W was a scuzzy sleazeball then knowing she's secretly been carrying on an affair with a loser living in his parents' basement should convince them!
LB I'm honestly kind of stuck on this. On the one hand your W has painted you into this "litigation" corner, but on the other hand I kind of feel like maybe you shouldn't feed it anymore than you have to. I mean I'm sure it is costing both of you out the butt regardless. Is your position that you don't want to cash in any of the investments right now? Is there a reason for that? I mean they will have to be split up during the D anyway I would think, so whether you do it now or later probably doesn't matter much. If you don't want to for now then just tell her that. "W, I don't want to cash in the investments at this time." If she keeps hounding you about it, then you can say "draft up your proposal and I will review it with my L."
Yes I am at the same place. I want to negotiate with her on items. However she only wants to negotiate on finances. If I want an extra day with the kids mid week, then its 'the court orders don't allow for that. We do not have the power to negotiate outside of the court orders. Court orders are in the best interest of the kids.' Her L still has not gotten around to typing them up. I am beginning to wonder if she can't pay him and he is not working anymore on her case.
I understand that finances will be split eventually. However this is one of the few angles I have to try and force the realization of her decision upon her. She doesn't miss me doing things around the house, or watching the kids, or going grocery shopping, or any of those spousally shared tasks because I have been gone for a year and she has been doing them anyway. I need a few months to pass with her not getting full income to start to let the credit card stack up(not a joint account). If we sell investments to 'pad each of our singular bank accounts to ease this transition' it makes this process easy for her. I am fine without the extra padding in my account.
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Single dude, 4 kids, lives with his parents is what I can infer from what they said.
Wow, yet another classic case of "affairing down". I'm glad to hear it hasn't affected you too much. Do discuss it with your L though, because as Twofeet said it may very well help your custody case even in a no fault state.
On a side note, if anyone didn't already think your W was a scuzzy sleazeball then knowing she's secretly been carrying on an affair with a loser living in his parents' basement should convince them!
Don't get me wrong, it does affect me, just not in a way that makes me angry. Maybe I will be angry about it someday, I don't know. I am much more upset that she is isolating me from the kids, telling them to hush up about things, ordering them to block me from any form of electronic communications, and basically blowing up our family for her own selfish actions. Definitely moving down the ladder. For my kids sake, I am still open to R someday if she decides to take the elevator back up a few floors. I have a ways to go on myself, and I would need a lot from her for me to consider a R scenario, but at this point an A doesn't mean the end of the road for me. I am better equipped even after just a couple months of this to be a better H, even with work to do on myself. I reserve the right to change my feelings tomorrow though. lol
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Born and raised here in WA. However I lived in farm country on the east side of the state, which is the conservative side. The whole states politics are driven by 3 counties with the majority of the population.
If this was happening in SC, she would have been booted out of the house, I would have the kids, she wouldnt' get a dime, and depending on the county, I could beat her with a stick no bigger than my thumb on the courthouse steps on sundays. I likely wouldn't execute my right to the stick beating though.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Guess I have my answer now. Suspected A, pretty much confirmed now.
All the confirmation you need.
I am glad to hear you enjoyed your time with the kids. The years fly by, so burn these times into your brain.
D5 is now D16. Went by in a flash.
All too aware of that fact. Seems like yesterday we brought S11 home in a snowstorm in Charleston SC. It was a crazy day!
I am hopeful that eventually W will send me pics of the early days with the kids. I had a dumb phone and no pics and she has them all on her cloud which I cannot access. I got a smartphone in September so I have pics of them since then.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
