Kwandoku, we usually warn newcomers that are sure their WAS has no one else to brace themselves. Either they really do or there is one waiting in the wings, or the WAS is on the prowl for one. However, it doesn't change what you should do much.
One thing it does do is requires no sexual contact between the two of you. Don't put your own health at risk. Also, kick her out of the MBR. When she argues, complains, cries, asks where she should sleep, etc, you stand firm. That is not your problem. Your stance should be that you refuse to allow a cheater to share the MBR with you.
Kwandoku, stay strong buddy. It will get better!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I know I made the right call tonight, but I recurring doubts that maybe at this stage they are just friends.
K,
It is normal to have doubts because you can't believe that your spouse would actually do something like this to you. Unfortunately I am willing to bet my savings account they are more then just friends. At this time you have a short window to turn this around if you stay strong. If you act weak and don't set boundaries your chances for a quick turnaround diminish substantially. It's really hard but you need to stay strong.
I didn't want to/was blinded by my W ever in a million years having an A. I've accepted she is not the same person I married. A stranger in my W's body.
She is staying the night at her brother's place. He called me to ask if that was ok, to which I replied I have no concerns over where she stays now, so long as it's not here. After 14 years together, we're as close as actual brothers. This [censored] for everyone.
We haven't had sex for over 2 months, and there's no chance of that happening at this stage. 3-4 months ago we were trying for a child. I guess the silver lining here is that we don't have children...
Second consequence is that we officially separate, at which point she will have to move to the spare bedroom or out of the house, splitting our finances so that she can no longer fund her A with our money etc.
Second consequence is that we officially separate, at which point she will have to move to the spare bedroom or out of the house, splitting our finances so that she can no longer fund her A with our money etc.
At this stage I'll be moving towards a D.
Kwan I support this. Most states (assuming you are in the U.S.) do not allow you to "boot" her. She has a right to stay in the marital home just like you do. However, yes, keep the MBR. As LH says IHS isn't always ideal but unfortunately for most couples is a legal and financial reality.
Plus it gives her the opportunity to see a man only a fool would leave. This is why you need to be strong, confident, kind, present, but detached. Treat her like the cashier at the store.
Hang in there and post often!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
K, I think you were right to confront her about this and it's no surprise that she denied and played dumb. You did well standing firm in the face of this. Her line that they booked together out of convenience is the kind of outrageous lie that only a WAS could deliver with a straight face. Now you've got to stand firm because if you back down from your position then she is going to see you as weak and easily manipulated.
Also while it is true that you can't legally kick her out, you can most certainly demand that she leave. And she might. So that's an option.
No matter what she says to try and "explain" things to you, just tell her you know what she's doing and you won't be disrespected by being lied to and leave it at that. The only way you should be willing to listen is if she is offering a heartfelt apology.
As a side note this news officially puts your W into the "wayward wife" category which is different than a WAS. Read through Sandi's comments in people's threads, she talks a lot about the wayward mindset. Your wife has zero respect for you right now so you've got to stand firm to get the respect back.
