I'm going to say this for the people that are reading this and earlier in their sitches.
If your plan to get your wife back is to “convince her” to change her mind or to “earn” her love with changes in yourself, there is a frustrating and futile road ahead of you.
If you think this is just my opinion due to my recent personal experience, I trust that one day you will agree with me. I'm not saying you shouldn't make the changes. Become the man you wish to be regardless.
Patience is important but not at the expense of your own heart. Have a plan B if your plan A is to show her how your 180s are sticking and you are a changed man. If you don't, you will grow to have expectations. You will, even if you tell yourself not to. Time and a positive response have a way of doing this to you. Have a plan "B". Timing is everything and her timing may not synchronize with your plan "A".
My plan "B" which I have instated before with results, but now plan to turn up the efforts. I'm not sure exactly how but I will, because it's the only thing I can control. I will also say that "playing hard to get" simply to "mind control", though tempting is ultimately disappointing.
My plan B is to make her pursue me. Before I send a text or have a conversation I will ask myself "does this support my goal". I will become an even more detached, man of mystery. This should be exciting.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Trying hard not confront or to write my W a note telling her how I feel right now.
Remember she's not a "Trier". Now granted she wants results, she just doesn't want to try.
She has shown that she is capable of justifying any action, no matter who gets hurt. Bad things happen to her. Never because of her actions.
She wants to be trusted, yet she doesn't want to do the things necessary to regain trust.
I'm so ready to tell her that I want her to plan on getting out of here. "If you're not interested in trying then you just need to go."
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Just don´t do it man. Don´t tell her nothing. You need to use the most subtle way. Some detaching with love...
Reinforce GAL, get in touch with the girls. Show W you have your life going on. And you wont wait for her any more. Don´t say, show! Start getting speed, full ahead!
You´ll still be needing patience and time my friend. You are a commited fighter RR, we admire that on you. Go for the amoafwl, get him.
Strong hugs for you.
[[[[RR]]]]
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I not doing anything right now and when I do it will be from a place of calm.
I think sandi said it best. There comes a point when the LBS just gets tired of trying. I've GALed to the point that any more would be considered abandonment.
Wife has a 3 day business trip coming up. I don't trust that it is exactly what she has presented it to be. That level of trust is a luxury that this marriage just can't afford right now.
Right now, I believe that more serious measures are necessary. I really don't feel like I want to be with this person for the rest of my life. I'm well aware that these feelings can change, so, for now, I will vent here. But I have walked away from relationships before and I know what the point where you no longer care to try feels like. I feel very close.
Today is day 3 of NC. I still make the coffee but I come and go without notice and she is in D19s bedroom with the door shut when I return. Usually, these things blow over when something happens that requires us to communicate and she goes on good behavior and we both restore a politeness.
Well, I tired of this cycle. Tired of trying to prove anything.
Even friends don't treat a friend the way she proceeds. Even staying shows a weakness that I don't wish to portray.
Last edited by RR17; 02/19/1901:36 PM.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
We are all well aware of your sitch man. Ease your mind, find a way to detach from those long lasting expectations. You have done a good fight. Take some rest, it´s ok to be tired, who wouldn´t be...Be proud of where you stand my friend. Keep hope, exclude expectations. Protect yourself some more.
I always ask you for time. You know that. Now you need time to shake the inertia and start moving forward. It´s your life.
Respect.
((((((RR))))))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Why are you in NC? That's going to come off as you pouting because she wouldn't have sex with you.
No notes have a face to face conversation. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you have made some mistakes in the past and that you would like to start over with her. Tell her in "your words" that you find her to irresistible be in a platonic relationship with her.
If she tells you she is not willing to work towards that goal then you have no choice but to move on.
As I stated before I see you have two choices 1. accept that it is highly likely the dynamic in your relationship will change 2. State what you need and be willing to walk away if you don't get it
Why are you in NC? That's going to come off as you pouting because she wouldn't have sex with you.
No notes have a face to face conversation. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you have made some mistakes in the past and that you would like to start over with her. Tell her in "your words" that you find her to irresistible be in a platonic relationship with her.
If she tells you she is not willing to work towards that goal then you have no choice but to move on.
The NC is mutual. A cooling off period.
Once again, it isn't about sex. Never was. We have already had the above-mentioned conversation. I told her in my own words.
It is time to move on.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
From: Me Since you don't want to have any more conversations and your not a trier, I am left with no other option than to ask you to please go. I don't trust that your business trip is all you have presented it to be and that you are willing to do whatever you desire without consideration for who you hurt. I can no longer tolerate this level of mistreatment. Even friends don't do this to each other expecting to remain friends. Fact is, I don't want to be friends. You have pushed me to this point and I need you out of my life. 2019/02/19 09:53:31AM
Her: I'm not going anywhere. If you want to leave, you may. My trip is purely business and you can choose to believe that or not. I will have another conversation but we don't see eye to eye. Neither one of us looks at anything from the other persons perspective. 2019/02/19 10:08:21AM
From: Me You can't try and you don't care to be trusted. There is really nothing more to discuss. 2019/02/19 10:11:45AM
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I guess my first question is why would you send a text as opposed to an in person conversation? My next question is what were you trying to accomplish with that message?
Originally Posted by RR17
I don't trust that your business trip is all you have presented it to be and that you are willing to do whatever you desire without consideration for who you hurt.
Just out of curiosity why do you think she is up to no good?
Originally Posted by RR17
I can no longer tolerate this level of mistreatment. Even friends don't do this to each other expecting to remain friends.
How is she mistreating you other than she doesn't want to have sex with you? I know you keep saying it's not about sex. What else is she doing that is so wrong?
Originally Posted by RR17
I'm not going anywhere. If you want to leave, you may. My trip is purely business and you can choose to believe that or not. I will have another conversation but we don't see eye to eye. Neither one of us looks at anything from the other persons perspective.
Ok. So you told her you need her to leave and she said no. Now what?
Originally Posted by RR17
You can't try and you don't care to be trusted. There is really nothing more to discuss.
So you start out by telling her she doesn't want to have a conversation and she says she will have another conversation and then you say there is nothing to talk about.
I guess my first question is why would you send a text as opposed to an in person conversation? My next question is what were you trying to accomplish with that message?
Read back. W said she never wanted to have the conversation again. NC When I text she reads and doesn't just defend and dismiss. I also don't feel the need to defend.
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Just out of curiosity why do you think she is up to no good?
Past experience. Suspicious details about her trip. BTW, never said "no good".
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Ok. So you told her you need her to leave and she said no. Now what?
Good question and I guess it depends on her response. See, that's the nice thing about me. I will do whatever I want. I might leave. I might remove her stuff while she is on her trip. Who knows, she might wake up. All I do know is what I done for a year hasn't worked.
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How is she mistreating you other than she doesn't want to have sex with you? I know you keep saying it's not about sex. What else is she doing that is so wrong?
What do all WW do? W said she "was never going back". That pretty much says it right there. I'm not interested in remaining in the Friend Zone.
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So you start out by telling her she doesn't want to have a conversation and she says she will have another conversation and then you say there is nothing to talk about.
Yep, it has reached that point. I am tired of demonstrating that I am AMOAFWL. We are approaching a year of DBing Judge all you want but until you walk a mile in my shoes..
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Not a very good idea to send that message was it?
At some point, any man with half a self esteem has had enough. It's time had come. No regrets here.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
