change is good

[Dawn70]

Actions speak louder than words. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And, as I always say, everyone is different. Just because he isn't saying it doesn't mean he isn't feeling it. There could be a myriad of reasons why he hasn't put it into those words, but he seems to be showing you over and over and over again. While you trust your friends and cousin, I wouldn't put too much stock into their opinion on this one.....unless YOU are of the mind that he needs to be saying it. But, if you are truly ok with the fact that he is showing it more than saying it, I'd say just relax and bask in the glow of a lovely relationship.

[Ginger1]

Thanks guys. I really do not need to hear it. I have heard it from 2 other men in my life and it's been lip service. ANd when I felt the "need" to hear it, it was because I wasn't feeling it from them. ANd I feel it and it's much better than hearing it. I think I really am going to bask in that glow.

We were texting today (it's his son's actual birthday) and I said something to the effect of how much I enjoyed seeing them together and him in dad mode. He said to me that seeing D11 makes him feel like he could see what I was like when I was a kid. I told him I would take that as a compliment. He said "she's a super smart, well-mannered beautiful young lady, so yes, a compliment" Melt my heart. I won't see him until this weekend but I can't wait. I was going to have my dad and stepmom come and meet him, but my dad is having awful back problems and doesn't think he is going to be able to make it. But we haven't had a weekend without me working or kids in a while, so I hope we can have a nice late night out together and sleep in.


Things really couldn't be any better. ANd it felt so nice being around his family and friends was just awesome. I've mentioned how I have like no family and felt nice being around his. His mom I think likes me. I imagine I must seem like an angel compared to his evil ex wife, lol. The crazy B tried to physically attack his mom!

[Ginger1]

I've been so crazy busy losing my mind lately. Those of you who saw my FB know my dog got into some trouble and kept me up since 2am fri night. But I did get to go out to dinner with a friend Friday night. I realized how much I needed to see my friends. I wasn't going to go and just sleep, but I am so happy I went. Fri, I got to see another friend I hadn't seen since September yesterday and we had a good time catching up. Then M and I had a GREAT date night which we were overdue for. We had a late dinner at a very nice Italian restaraunt. Then we went to a bar down the street with a band and actually stayed out until 1am! Big deal for us, lol. This morning we slept in until 10, just in and out of sleep this morning. He gave me the strength to let the dog cry it out in the crate. I had been dying to sleep in and with him it was so so so good. He may come back over for dinner tonight. AND, he initiated the "love you" when he left this morning. I hadn't said it since and figured I would just give him the chance to do it at his own pace and he did. Things couldn't be better between us. AT dinner, my friend said she is so happy to hear that I am finally in a real relationship. I am too. Too many half-arsed weird situations I put myself in. I love our pace and our R.


I need to do a whole bunch of stuff today, but sitting on the couch with my dog who is sleeping is so much better.

[AndrewP]

What a lovely update Ginger. Proving that not forcing things makes it all the better when it happens on it's own. Then you know it's real.

[Dawn70]

So glad things are progressing so well for you, G. Congrats! I'm happy for you.

[Ginger1]

Thanks guys. I can't believe I am in a real relationship sometimes. I still get moments of anxiety that he is just going to come out of nowhere and say "nah, I am not interested anymore" but he gives me no indication of that. At this point, there usually is a real reason for ending things. My moments of anxiety are less and less.

Not much to report. We had Wednesday night date night at hot yoga, then he came over with sushi and he stayed over. I told him yesterday that I think it would be a good idea if the 4 of us hung out again before we go away to make his son more comfortable. He said it was a good call and he might come over tomorrow with the kid and dog and we are introducing dogs too. Speaking of dogs, mine still continues to be the spawn of satan causing me to lose my mind and sleep.

I've recognized some differences in our struggles with single parenting that he may not see the way I do. My job is very demanding now and taking a day off or leaving for a sick kid is not all that possible. ON a day this week when we were shorthanded, my load was heavy, I got a call from school saying I had to pick up D11 she had a headache and stomach ache and a 99.2 temp. Normally, a 99.2 temp does not constitiue a pick up but there has been a flu epidemic at school and she was in the home of someone who tested positive. she was at her dads the night before and I was a little p1ssed I was getting a call an hour after she was dropped off. Long story short, she wasn't really sick, I had to rush out of work, pick her up (and her friend) and just drop her off at home and go back to work with a very heavy patient load.

I have changed jobs a bunch of times to make sure I have one that allows me to be with my kid when she is sick and all that stuff because I do not have help. It's me. Now she is older and can stay alone, I didn't have to be so diligent about that. But I sad something about how I wish she would have waited before she goes to the nurse because I know her symptoms subside fast. he says "I would have did what she did, she's a smart girl!" He said he used ot fake illness all the time to not go to school, but his mom never missed work because there were so many aunts and uncles around. I know he was kidding, but the truth is, I don't have that. I never had that. The struggle has been a very real one for the past 11 years that made me leave jobs I loved, take jobs that were horrible fits, because I had no one. I can tell he can't grasp that. He has a forgiving job that allows him to do what he needs, never has him a weekday morning where he has to get to school yet and his mom helps him ALOT. watches hi every friday, picks him up from daycare, stays with him when he is sick.... I had nothing like that and still don't. I never talk about it to him, never complain about it, but it does get a little under my skin. Like he loves snow. Loves loves it. I do not. Why? Because I work in healthcare. Because I had to work no matter what, risked my life a few times in it to get to work and freaked out about who was going to care for my baby when I had to go to work, or when there was no school. Snow meant my life was going to be extra difficult and I was at risk for losing my job.

So, we have some opposite views on certain things that have affected our lives differently. I think we are for the most part respectful of it. He has the struggles of not having his child not as much as he would like and a crazy ex wife. I have the struggles of almost being soley in charge of my daughter with little to no help. 2 different struggles. I admit it got under my skin a little when he doesn't really recognize how something that seems little and a joke to him could cause havoc for me and he makes some comments about it. But that's just me being sensitive to a struggle that really only I understand because I live it and he doesn't. so I don't get p1ssy about it. I post it here. I'm sure sometimes he might get resentful if I mention I could use a break one night because the kiddo was making me nutso. I try never to say that around him, because I know how dearly he wishes he had his child as much as I have mine.


Lots of rambling there. It was the first times something hit a nerve, and I thought I would write it out and explore it. And in the end, I was being overly sensitive I realize. I did say to him when he said D11 was smart I would have done the same thing, "I respectfully disagree, this momma has to keep her new job!" But that's it.


ANyways it's snowing here and I am so to go visit my dad and stepmom for the St. Paddy's day parade we won't make. It's a bit of a trip, but they want us to come and D11 reallyw ants us to come,s o as soon as the roads get better, we will leave. exH is taking the dog for the night and I am looking forward to a night without the dog!

Lord help me.

[JujuB]

Just want to say I get it..even if I’m not going through what you are. I would have been fired long ago, if it were not for my mom. It is really hard to account for a child’s sick and vacation and half days when you need to work. We have a similar snow policy, that doesn’t really apply to my profession cause we are not critical care but we have to abide by it cause the nurses do and it [censored]. I sometimes end up just getting docked a day of pay but I hate it. I ended up taking on homecares to supplement cause of the flexibility but as I’m sure you know they end up being more work with documenting. It is a complete blessing to have majority of custody and I would never ever trade it in for anything. But the sacrifices are there and certainly not recognized by the courts or laws regarding child support and perhaps family rights in general.

The good thing is you are conscious and aware and sensitive to the differences and perspectives between you and M. He is really lucky to have met you btw. You are a great mom!!!!

[Ginger1]

Juju, thank you! I likewise agree that you are An incredible mom. The love you have for your son is palpable.

This weekend D11 and I had a great weekend. We went to my dads yesterday and we came home today. The ex took the dog. The dog was not good the whole time and had him up at 4:40am. However, you could kind of tell he likes the dog .

Then today M came over with his son and dog. The dogs were funny as heck. We all got a kick out of it. Coolest part of it all: his son had a lot of fun and was just real comfortable real fast. And remembered the game we played when he would say “look over there” D11asked if they were staying for dinner and his son was like “yeah dad, can we stay for dinner???” ( they couldn’t because they had to get the dog home and the kid back to mom) I said they could definitely come over for dinner one night soon and he was excited. M finaly told him about our trip together and he is excited. The 6 of us had a very nice visit. When you introduce dogs , you know it’s serious, lol. M told me this morning that he was way more nervous to meet D11 than before our first date. He is so cute. So far, so good on the scariest part of it all, the kid meetings. And the dog meeting.

It’s snowing heavily here again. Happy March! Delayed opening for school again! Tomorrow is my busiest day at work then we have back to back dentist appointments. Fun. I work this weekend. Blech. I have off Thursday and I am going to meet up with my friend for lunch. The ex is going away in a week, then I’ve got the kid for 2 weeks straight. The good thing is I can spend time with D11 and M at the same time now.

Things are good.

[TBSakaJ9]

Good for you G....I am glad you are feeling really positive!

[Dawn70]

I'm so glad you are in a good place.