Yeh, I had to engage lawyers for the separation agreement because it's tricky and I wanted an agreement with good legal standing. Plenty of people have tried to DIY this process and seen the agreements thrown out in court. Then you end up spending more money and the process lingers on. I just wanted to get it done right the first time around and so it's over with.
WIth the D, we just have to fill out some forms, get some of them notarized, and pay the fees. Then it's done and it's just waiting in queue for a judge to look at it and make the D decree. No need to even go to court. Gonna avoid the lawyers for the D process as we can do it ourselves. I don't anticipate any major problems.
Hope it goes smooth as well. My advice is that if you can get everything hammered out between the two of you, then you can avoid lawyer fees and costs. The separation agreement might cost me about 3K, but it's worth the investment to get it done.
I haven't started climbing yet. I am at 99.9% with my knee. My plan is to start in March, and take the next few weeks to strengthen it further. I can't wait. I think I might just start crying when I go back. climbing means so much to me and being away has been very difficult. Can't wait to tackle some 5.10s and 5.11s this year and move up some grades and make technical improvements in my footwork. It's on my mind all the time lol.
Alright people! Maika's life just got a tad more interesting.
I woke up this morning to a lengthy text from exW about how she's seeing someone and she took the kids to meet him and his kids to a fast food joint to kinda interact informally. She introduced him as a 'friend', and will probably talk to them about who he is as things progress between them.
So, not the best way to wake up in the morning. It didn't really hit me in the nuts as I had imagined it would. I figured she's been on the dating scene for a long time and this was going to happen at some point. What I am annoyed about is that she introduced the kids to him, even if it was informally, without first letting me know. The only reason for this is that we had agreed on this previously. Clearly I am not happy about that.
I haven't responded back to her but I'll do so later today. Part of what she wrote was that him and I would get along quite well - WTF??? I am still amazed at what the WS/WAS is thinking? Like what - we're going to be some stupid version of the Modern Family? It's really mind boggling for her to think that this could be a reality. Of course I will be civil and etc, but for me to interact with someone she's banging beyond the appropriate politeness and civility is out of the question.
I have always intended to meet anyone she's introducing the kids to. In my response to her I will asking her to set up a meet as soon as possible before things progress further and he's around my kids more.
I think I will probably have a stronger emotional response to this later in the day. Right now I am not really feeling anything outside of the impact to the kids.
But if anything, this has kinda lit a small fire under my ass to keep my $hit moving and keep at my goals with even more determination. I am still doing good. The separation agreement stuff is moving ahead and hopefully gets resolved very soon.
Gonna take the day to let it all sink in and then see what the next steps are for me. I guess the timing is about right - separation and divorce is getting finalized in the next few months and she's already found someone. The closure to all of this is coming as a trifecta. Wow!
Hey LH - no, there was no timeframe discussed. Didn't really think that it would have to go into that much detail. It was like - before any of us introduces the kids to someone we're dating, give the other person notice. I figured that was good enough and an easy judgment call to make. I guess I should've spelled it out more lol.
Anyways, now that it's done, the only thing I can convey to her is my disappointment about this.
I will let revenge and becoming my version of AMOAFWL propel my motivation and drive for a little. I know that using revenge and wanting to show up others over the long run becomes corrosive as you're not doing it for yourself, but someone else. But, it's a good firestarter spark to let your shuttle pass the gravitational forces and then you see the beauty of the universe and realize why you're doing what you're doing.
In the last few weeks, I have just felt so tired of living a mediocre life. Everything has slowed me down in the past and crushed me to the ground, but I can't live like that anymore. I've made steady progress, but I have found the hunger in the last little while as I have peeled off layers of my weaknesses and confronted them.
F#$k if I let my exW and her $hitty actions define who I am and my self-worth. I'm so past that, but this stupid thing this morning is a good reminder that what she's doing holds no power over me.
I have never loved myself more. I have never been so aware of my worth in my whole life - as a parent, friend, professional, and person as a whole.
I have literally felt this physical hunger in my stomach 24/7 for the past many weeks making me realize that 'being hungry / stay hungry' has a real physiological basis. The drive that I have is unparalleled and I have been non-stop in my actions to achieve my goals.
I do feel dope and I know the level of control I have to make the life that I want. I am doing it.
Sorry you were forced to deal with this and that your W so brazenly ignored the guidelines that the two of you had agreed to. It is amazing the contortions that they can go to in order to justify/rationalize their actions, and the fantasy world in which they live. The idea that the two of you would get along great is as risible as my W's desire to remain close friends and big parts of each other's lives.
Keep pushing forward, man!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Hey D - thanks man! Yeah I think her just ignoring what we had discussed and trying to soft land what happened as her only introducing the guy as a 'friend' is garbage. Kids are far more perceptive and I am sure they'll chat with me about it when I have them soon. And the fact that she said we would get along makes me laugh so hard. What fantasy world do these people live in? She just put me aside like I was trash and she thinks this is how it's all going to unfold? Every time I feel like I am slipping, I remind myself how I felt when I was tossed aside like I was nothing and it gets me grounded and centered.
Anyways, I still haven't responded to her and I probably should soon. I am in a bit of a funk but I am going to sit with it and let it pass. I've just come too far along now for myself and I just need to keep going.
I replied back and let her know that I am disappointed in how this went down, and that I'd like to meet him right away if he's going to around the kids more. She responded back saying that she'll arrange something right away, but no apology on going against what we had agreed upon. Well, I guess that's the best I will get in this situation.
I'll get to see what this guy is made of this week then. Should be interesting. Gonna keep it under 10 minutes and let him know my expectations for him for my kids. Anyone ever done this? Any tips? I am not planning to approach it as a discussion, more me conveying to him what I expect, in a polite civil way. I think that should be good. Any thoughts?
Ugh. That s#cks Maika. I haven’t bothered talking about this with my WAH. It is pointless IMO. He hasn’t honoured any of the promises he made to me in the past so why would I expect him to now? My kids have met lots of his “friends”. At the time, it was sold to me as people he knew with kids their age that they could play with. We’ve moved to a different city now so I will never know if that is the case or not. I’ve stopped caring. It IS amazing how they think though. On BD#1, my H actually talked about buying side-by-side townhouses so our kids could just go back and forth. I thought he had lost his mind.
Regarding meeting the OM... remember... he may, in actuality, be a good guy [let’s hope for the sake of your kids]. I’m sure your WAW has told him she was in a bad marriage that was over ages ago or something along those lines. I am sure if my WAH has someone, he has told her the same thing. They can’t actually be honest. Who would want to date them if they were?
Anyway...when you meet him, I would be less focused on telling him your expectations and more focused on figuring out what kind of a person he is. What kind of expectations are you planning on laying out for him? Anything different than what your WAW would have for him interacting with your kids? I get that you have expectations, of course, but I’m not sure telling him what those are will necessarily ensure they are followed. I think it would come across as controlling and angry. IDK...these are just my thoughts...I have not been through this yet so I would appreciate others’ opinions who have been through it. (((HUGS)))
