Lol...well I mean outside of getting mid-evil on him. In reality you have no control over the situation and you have to trust your xw that she would not bring some [censored] bag into your kids life. If [censored] goes south then obviously step in and do what you need to do I just didnt want to make it a cock fight and both of us flop it on the table and see who's is bigger.
I'm glad I havent met the dude. He needs to wonder about me and soak it all in. Must not be that bad of a guy with 50/50, and still sending his xw money every month. Let him chew on that [censored].
I'm sorry to hear of this latest development! Honestly I think that's terrible. This is what I'm afraid of in my situation with the other woman who lives in our house. I already know she's not a good role model for our daughter. I hope the guy your wife chose is decent. I hope your kids don't realize what's going on and I hope they don't get too close to him in case he's not around for the long-term. I have to wonder why you want to meet him? That sounds traumatizing in my opinion! And really uncomfortable. If it doesn't go well with him you still have no power over your wife's decisions and how she involves him with the kids so is there any real reason why you have to meet him??
M...my 10 cents. I have no regrets not meeting my xws bf, no one whatsoever. She never talks about him and neither do my girls. My xw has also never brought him around me or has ever asked me to meet him. If she does then I would but I would really think twice before you do. If you did then you could be seeing him a lot more often. I would not make it easy for her or comfortable.
So, as I have had time to process this, I've gotten more upset and angry with how this whole thing went down. I am not going to go meet him right now until I'm more emotionally grounded.
I've just drafted an email to her about all this bull$hit and I am not going to lie down and let myself be disrespected. She needs to up her co-parenting game and not go against something we explicitly agreed upon. I am tempted to put my email here, but if she google searches it, she'll come right here. So, for now, I'll let it be. I am sleeping on the draft tonight and will re-read it tomorrow again and see if i need to change anything.
I am not going to let anything slide anymore. I've been way more accommodating and amicable about a lot of things now. I am not going to minimize how I feel and she deserves to know it straight up. Heck, she told me that was one of the reasons why she left me because I wasn't open. Well, now she gets what she is asking for.
Also, all of this just made me realize how unattractive as a person she is now. I knew that, but this just put such a fine point on it. I deserve so much better.
Why do you think this raised such a forceful reaction in you?
Sleeping on it and waiting to meet until you feel grounded seems like the best way forward. You always want to be operating from a place of strength and be in control of your emotions.
This all s#cks but you have the tools to handle it.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I am not doing this as a retaliation for her BF. Here is what I am upset about:
- she brazenly ignored our agreement and offered no apology or even acknowledgment that she did this - as the father, I feel disrespected and my feelings are on par with hers when it comes to the kids - she's had no problems calling me out when I didn't take her feelings into account. I am holding her to the same standard - introducing someone to the kids lives in the 'beginning' stages is either a clean lie or she has bad judgment. this has consequences on the kids and I don't want that to slide - reinforcing the fact that when it comes to the kids, I am on par with her and not anyone else
Some other stuff:
- expressing my feelings on having to take on the burden of doing the separation agreement and divorce when clearly she should've had follow-through on it since she was the one who decided to end it all. - She's clearly moved on and has been dating, so why not finalize all the legal business to bring it to a close? - I've made the process amicable, transparent, and open without any acknowledgment from her. she even accused me of not wanting to see 'surprises' in the agreement. I find that highly disrespectful considering I've gone to great lengths to make sure it's been very honest and straight forward - Her dragging her a$$ on the agreement when we are basically on the same page with the terms.
I feel like my amicability is just still NGS behavior on these issues. Remember J when you helped your ex move out to her place and then felt rotten about it later? I am kinda feeling the same way. I feel like my good nature is being taken advantage of - I need to put a stop to that.
Anyways, some of it does feel like wresting control back but also clearly communicating to her that she's not meeting the standards she's expecting from me. If I let this stuff slide, what does that make me look like?
No one is going to stand up for me but me. I've made all of this so easy on her and I don't feel good about it. Why should I continue eating more $hit sandwiches?
I did re-read the draft of the message and I do need to rework some of the language. But I am also wondering if I need to do this face-to-face rather than an email.
Okay. So I am going to do this in-person. If I am going to model being a good co-parent, I need to walk the talk. I am cancelling the meet with her new bf and just going to go talk to her on the weekend.
