I’ve just been trying to control my mind and my thoughts. Sometimes they are all over the place.
I’ve been focusing on getting healthy. Started meal planning last week and got back on MyFitnessPal. In the last week, I’ve lost 4 pounds. Probably mostly water weight but it’s a start.
I just want to feel better and see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have good days and bad.
H dropped a bomb last week...he claims he wants to fight for our marriage. I’m skeptical because we all know he’s been all over the place.
While he’s been away on his guys gone wild trip, I’ve made a point not to answer his calls and text messages right away. I don’t want him thinking I’m sitting around waiting for him to call.
This trip is messing with me mentally becusse only God knows what he’s doing. I know I shouldn’t care but hey, I’m human.
So that’s it so far.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
(P.S I am new here but I have been lurking on your thread for a while and wish you all the best).
Hello nice to meet you.
I didn’t say anything when he said it. He’s said so much, I can’t trust his words.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Forgot to mention, he said he’s moving back into the MBR when he gets back from his trip. I said no you are not. He replied, we can’t work on our M in separate rooms. Said he’s going to continue to get help. Even asked if I wanted to go to MC. I’m not sure where all of this came from but again, I don’t trust a thing he says. Not to mention, I am of course thinking the worst when I think of how he’s behaving on this trip.
Last edited by Living; 03/02/1908:26 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Is there something in particular you are looking for before those things - him sleeping in the MB, going to therapy etc, can take place? Does he know what it is?
Is there something in particular you are looking for before those things - him sleeping in the MB, going to therapy etc, can take place? Does he know what it is?
I’m not sure. I wasn’t expecting to hear him say that so I’m not sure. However what I will say is that I don’t think he’s capable of putting in the work to save this M. I think he thinks it’s going to be easy. He claims he’s going to prove to me that he’s willing to do the work blah blah blah.
At this point I don’t have any concrete actions from him to back his words up. Again he’s away right now and he dropped this mess a few days before he left.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
That sounds really hard. I understand why you're feeling the way you are. It is hard to trust and probably not that helpful to have hope in a situation like this.
Maybe as he is away you have the time and space to think about what actions from him would make a difference to you? I have read on other people's threads (I am still very new here) that starting small is best. Would him phoning a MC himself and making a first appointment without you asking him to do it be meaningful to you?
That sounds really hard. I understand why you're feeling the way you are. It is hard to trust and probably not that helpful to have hope in a situation like this.
Maybe as he is away you have the time and space to think about what actions from him would make a difference to you? I have read on other people's threads (I am still very new here) that starting small is best. Would him phoning a MC himself and making a first appointment without you asking him to do it be meaningful to you?
If he called and booked us an appointment with a MC himself, I would be SHOCKED! However, that would at least show me that he’s trying. Don’t suggest MC and then leave it up to me to book an appointment.
I think I’m just so tired of all this that I’m starting to just get numb to things. I’m hoping Ready2Change can give me some tips but when he gets back, I’m going to continue to do things that show I’m moving on. He needs to do some serious work to show me he wants this M. Like I need to see some real effort. He also needs to be ready to work hard and know things won’t be fixed over night. I get the sense from him that he thinks things will fall back into place pretty fast. He’s sadly mistaken. I’ve had a lot of time to sit and reflect on our situation and there won’t be any quick fixes.
I haven’t called him once since he’s been away. He’s called me several times. I’ve answered one call, returned one call, and let the other go to VM. One day he called and I waited 3 hours before I sent him a text message back. The two times I’ve spoken with him, I rushed off the phone. I wanted to be the first to end the conversation.
His mom called me yesterday and was wondering what was going on with him. She said he seems different. I didn’t tell her our business. They have a strained relationship.
His best friend also called me yesterday, he was supposed to go in the guys gone wild trip but had something come up and couldn’t go. He called me to check on me and see if I needed anything. I thought that was sweet but told him, I’m good.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
It sounds to me like you have this in hand. Working on yourself and moving forward towards what is good for you can't ever be a bad idea? And more experienced DBers who know your situation better will be able to give you better suggestions. I suppose the risk is that if you aren't willing to trust a little, and accept what small concrete actions he might be putting forward (and you're right - words aren't actions) then you and he will stay stuck where you are. I wish you well.
