AA, she was in a 3some with her and the BFF, the oral sex she gave you is an excuse for your W to do whatever she wants. As I said, neither of you have a right to the moral high ground here. Both need IC (I know you are getting it),and then if both are ready to commit back to the MR, then MC. I don't see MC helping you guys until you both get individual help first.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She keeps saying she wants the MC and IC. I am hoping in MC that the OM will be addressed for good or we will stop the MC if it doesn’t.
She has only had two IC appointments. she is now scheduled weekly. Let’s hope she can get her stuff worked out as well. Do any Waw go get IC or open to IC during this fog?
She keeps saying she wants the MC and IC. I am hoping in MC that the OM will be addressed for good or we will stop the MC if it doesn’t.
She has only had two IC appointments. she is now scheduled weekly. Let’s hope she can get her stuff worked out as well. Do any Waw go get IC or open to IC during this fog?
Yes. However, it isn't always positive. Some find an IC that will justify what they are doing "You have to do what you need to in order for you to be happy......." or they just go through the motion to again say they tried everything.
The fog is that they have little patience for listening to anyone that tells them what they are doing is wrong.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Her BFF was here last night while my wife was coming home from IC. I let her in, only said you can let her know you are here and went up to my room.
Why on earth would you let her in the house when your W is gone? Did you not learn anything from your experience with this so called BFF? You don't let other women (other than family) come into your house when the W is out. You especially don't let them in and then go to the bedroom. This BFF is not to be trusted.
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I am hoping in MC that the OM will be addressed for good or we will stop the MC if it doesn’t.
So you want to attend MC so that your W's affair will be addressed for good? Do you mean, fix it for good? Apparently, that is your only reason for considering MC. The reason I said I thought the two of you would need long term MC is b/c neither of you seem to have a sense of ethical core values. You don't seem to apply good judgement. Frankly, I don't think just regular MC is going to do much of anything to end her affair. If she has a really good IC, then whatever emotional baggage she brought from her past, hopefully the IC can help her face and deal with it. Both of you are currently in IC. A good one might give you tools to deal with issues in your lives........and should your W (and you) decide to commit to the M, and stop having sex with others, then MC would be the next step. If the counselors all work together, then why not ask the two IC's to say when they think each of you have progressed enough to come together in MC?
Do you understand there is more here than your W having an affair? OM is not the real source of your problems. You want him out of the picture, but I promise you she would have OM#2 before you could turn around. So, don't rush into MC thinking it will fix the OM problem once and for all.
BTW, don't tell your W another word that was spoken in your IC sessions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The bff and her are talking. The BFF 15 yo daughter was with her too which my kids know. I was too busy trying to get my kids in and out of the shower. She stayed in kitchen area and I stayed upstairs away. Evidently she forgot her boots in my wife’s car but had to wait for my wife to get back. Hindsight, I should have told her she could just wait outside.
On the MC, that may be a good idea of asking the two counselors when they think we are ready for marriage counseling. We can go to one MC and then go from there too. I want to address more than the OM in Mc. I want to learn to trust, communicate, be self confident, relaxed and listen or validate more.
Well that may have changed things. I was sleeping and then just woke up at 11ish. Couldn’t sleep. 1130 look out the window and a car is in front of my drive. It is the OM and who knows what they are doing in the car. I walk out and she gets out real quick and drives away.
She admits that she set up the threesome ron”get me off her back” and she had BFF help. She said she hates me. I brought up how sad she was last weekend on Sunday when she left me in the middle of the date. She started hitting me, kicking me and slapped me a few times. She is drunk.
Well that may have changed things. I was sleeping and then just woke up at 11ish. Couldn’t sleep. 1130 look out the window and a car is in front of my drive. It is the OM and who knows what they are doing in the car. I walk out and she gets out real quick and drives away.
She admits that she set up the threesome ron”get me off her back” and she had BFF help. She said she hates me. I brought up how sad she was last weekend on Sunday when she left me in the middle of the date. She started hitting me, kicking me and slapped me a few times. She is drunk.
Sorry to hear this is going on. She's drunk and violent. Your boundaries are for you. No idea if she will remember but you shouldn't allow W to get physical with you. Be careful. Hope she will be safe and not end up passed out in her puke. You need to safely remove yourself from this and not allow things to escalate any further. It's on you now.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Call the police, get a restraining order and get her out of the house. Physical abuse is never ok. My opinion is that you guys should physically separate. For the kids sake. You are both in a very unhealthy situation. You both have a ton of personal issues you need to address before anything else happens. Your kids mental, physical and emotional wellbeing need to be front and center.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
She is talking about moving across the street rent free to neighbors house. The other option is she continues to be here in the spare bedroom. I told her it may be too close but she didn’t like that. She will have freedom there but he doesn’t have a lot of the amenities at our hiuse like soft water, reverse osmosis and other luxuries. But she said she could come over to get kids on the bus and such still. Not sure what to do but living here with me is a nonstarter especially with OM in the picture.
She is talking about moving out and me having kids stay here with me of course.
Why on earth would you let her in the house when your W is gone? Did you not learn anything from your experience with this so called BFF? You don't let other women (other than family) come into your house when the W is out. You especially don't let them in and then go to the bedroom. This BFF is not to be trusted.