Tonight we had our agreed upon weekly catch up to mainly talk over logistical things.
Kept it strictly business, no R talk. Kept to the agenda, ie "have you set up your bank account?" ok good, I will close our joint credit card on this date etc etc.
No dramas, everything wrapped up in 5 minutes.
I get up to leave, and she calls out and asks if she should contact my parents and siblings (who I know she is very close with).
I say sure, you can do what you want. She asked what she should expect, and what I have told them as to why we have separated, which I said, the truth, that you are having an emotional affair.
She started to cry and then asked if they'd want to speak with her, to which I said no, which is the truth. Then she really started to cry. I simply left to go into my room after that.
Was that too cold? Should I have done that?
At the end of the day I didn't lie, both my parents and siblings are furious at her actions, and have told me that they do not intend to speak with her.
Maybe she's starting to realise what her actions will actually cost her.
It was hard to walk away with her crying. She has still not admitted to anything though.
Seeing her cry about my family not wanting to speak with her really got to me though. I left when she started to because I know if I'd stayed any longer I would've broken down too.
It was like I got a glimpse of my old W, who I hadn't seen in over a month, and it broke my heart all over again.
Maybe she's starting to realize what her actions will actually cost her.
K unfortunately this is highly unlikely, that will be many years down the road. She is thinking with her emotions and her feelings to the addiction of the affair supersede any kind of logic or reason.
I've been reading some old quotes threads by ready2change and there was some mention of the 2a Affair busting method or something to that effect. I can't seem to find what it actually was, does anyone here know?
The W still won't admit to any wrongdoing to anyone she speaks to. Is there anything I can do to move things along or do I just need to let it run its course whilst making it clear what my boundaries are - ie if she continues to lie and stay in the A then we will remain separated.
The tricky thing is before I found out about the A she'd already indicated that she'd want a separation. I guess it doesn't matter, because its also what I want if she continues to be wayward.
"some mention of the 2a Affair busting method or something to that effect"
It sounds like you are still looking for a magic bullet: do this and the affair will end. Etc.
There is no magic bullet. There is only doing things to work on you and improve you. That is what becoming a man only fool would leave is all about. It makes you look better than the competition! So keep detaching, keep working on your 180s, and keep GAL. Do not slow down on GAL. IN fact, pick up on it. Always be being busy. Do not think "Oh, she doesn't see when I m busy anyway, so I am not going to be busy. This is wrong thinking. Do not do anything to try to control or manipulate her or she will feel that and resent it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You are in a tough spot because she is choosing he AP over you. You separating while it shows some strength on your part isn't enough to stop the affair. She has no fear of losing you right now.
Your options are:
1. You can work on yourself and be plan B in hope the A fizzles out and maybe she comes back to you. 2. Decide this is BS and you love yourself too much to be someone's plan B and file for divorce.
Time and patience. No magic bullets here, as Steve says. You need to detach so as to keep calm and control anxiety. This´s a marathon, you are just starting.
Stay away from her. Take time to yourself, you´ll need a lot. Read and learn, keep posting, keep reading.
Be there for your kids, that´s rule number one.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
