What I learned from Wife's MLC- Part2

[LH19]

Wow. Was it clear it was to see a counselor in regards to reconciliation or was she maybe talking about for better communication skills for the sake of the kids?

Wonder if it wasn't a temp check?

Your timeline is right at what I have read they have second thoughts. 18-24 months.

[kiro]

Oh yes, we explicitly talked about possibilities of MR reconciliation. She said her main worry is that if we did that I would bring it up in future to shame her. This is when I suggested that it would be too early to make such a decision now anyway and that it’s better to consider seeing a professional to focus on communication first and then seeing where it leads. We were not talking in coded terms or insinuating things. It was a very open and direct conversation. But again, this is why I wrote my other post about perceptions.

But you’re right, LH. This is the timing. She’s definitely getting out of her euphoric phase and starting to see certain things as they really are. She sees the damage done or at least some of it. She’s not as happy as she was the first year after BD. She’s worried and afraid of the future. She’s afraid she will regret her decision. She’s starting to see glimpses of the good sides she had during our MR. She doesn’t deny that she also has issues of her own although she still blames me for everything. And she is a little less arrogant and selfish as before.

So she’s definitely in a transition to another stage. But she still hasn’t faced her real issues and she hasn’t made her own decision to return. I just caught her off guard I think. So I was able to see some of her inner struggles and she ended up dropping her emotional wall for these 2 hours and saying things that she hadn’t planned and was not really committed to do.

Who knows what happened the next day? Maybe she regretted saying these things. Maybe she’s afraid and expects me to pursue her more. Maybe she forgot the conversation or interpreted it differently. Maybe she just changed her. Or she talked to someone else. Maybe she’s seeing another person... who knows?!

[LH19]

I am fascinated by the way these sitches play out and how scripted they are from day one. I believe AS once said he polled 11-12 LBS and 10 of them said the WW tried to recon at some point. Obviously we don't get all the data here because most LBS leave the site before the 2 year mark.

I know at some point my ex will start to become worried and afraid of the future. The fact she took out a 30 mortgage at 45 blew my mind based on her past history of frugality. Just goes to show you how they think with nothing but emotions going through the process.

[Phoenix9]

I am fascinated by the way these sitches play out and how scripted they are from day one. I believe AS once said he polled 11-12 LBS and 10 of them said the WW tried to recon at some point. Obviously we don't get all the data here because most LBS leave the site before the 2 year mark.

The part where the WW (at least mine) tries to recon seems very far-fetched.

I originally read somewhere that by the time the 2 year mark rolls around the LBS has moved on to bigger and better things. That part I know is true-I'm well on my way there.

[LH19]

The part where the WW (at least mine) tries to recon seems very far-fetched.

I originally read somewhere that by the time the 2 year mark rolls around the LBS has moved on to bigger and better things. That part I know is true-I'm well on my way there.

Well that supports the theory on why recon is so low. Not because the WW doesn't want to recon, it's because the LBS has moved on and is not interested in recon.

[LH19]

The part where the WW (at least mine) tries to recon seems very far-fetched.

I originally read somewhere that by the time the 2 year mark rolls around the LBS has moved on to bigger and better things. That part I know is true-I'm well on my way there.

Well that supports the theory on why recon is so low. Not because the WW doesn't want to recon, it's because the LBS has moved on and is not interested in recon.

[kiro]

The part where the WW (at least mine) tries to recon seems very far-fetched.

The reason I continue to write on this forum is to give an update to others who are in earlier stages than me. Up until last week, I would have never ever imagined that my W would ever consider or talk about recon.

I think you’re right: most LBSs will move on before this happens. Before last week’s conversation, I had totally moved on. I got confused for a day, but now, I’m back to my previous state.