Yes you are. Also, you are back in the house but where are you sleeping?
Keep working on detachment. Remember the rules about her texts. If she texts information, do not respond. If she texts a direct question, answer it in your own time (not always right away) and in as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.
On the trial separation, I've always said that women do not need to be living apart to find themselves or to work on the marriage. women need to be living apart in order to have the freedom to sleep with other people. The trial separation, as you now know full well, was not the right move.
Unless you want a D, do not do any of the work for it. WWs are notorious for not following through. The chance of her getting a lawyer is low. She is being mean to you to try to get you to file for D. Just keep riding this out.
What is OM's situation? Single or married? What is the likelihood of anything long-term?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OM is a 29-year old low life that barely makes minimum wage. She is big time trading down. Apparently, this is not uncommon.
She states that she fears not getting support from me and having to move "into a shelter." She says, "we have to do what's best for the kids." Yeah, I'm not falling for this one.
When I came home, I slept in the basement. I would assume go back into my bedroom, but I don't know how hard I should be poking the bear at this point.
She pulls the, "do what's best for the children." My POV is that what's best for the children is for her to get her head out of her tail pipe and start making better decisions. If there is no arguing, nobody can argue that having both parents in the house is not what's best for the children.
Let me see if I'm doing this right, ww just texted me, "[lawyer name] is available Wednesday, March 6 from 10 to 12 if you would like to continue the mediation. I do believe we need these formal boundaries during this time in order to alleviate tensions with each other."
I have no issues w/ boundaries. I haven't responded, but I believe my answer should be a simple, "no." Correct?
She is taking issue w/ the fact that I moved back into the house, has no money and wants a quick way out...
She states that she fears not getting support from me and having to move "into a shelter."
"W, that would be unfortunate but you have fired me as H and you may very well have to live with some fallout from that."
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She says, "we have to do what's best for the kids."
"W, I assure you I will do everything to make sure the kids and I will be OK."
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When I came home, I slept in the basement. I would assume go back into my bedroom, but I don't know how hard I should be poking the bear at this point.
What is she going to do, BD you? Newsflash, you've already been BD'd and she's pursuing D. She's played her cards, there's nothing else she can do to you. If she gets violent then call the police.
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Let me see if I'm doing this right, ww just texted me, "[lawyer name] is available Wednesday, March 6 from 10 to 12 if you would like to continue the mediation. I do believe we need these formal boundaries during this time in order to alleviate tensions with each other."
I have no issues w/ boundaries. I haven't responded, but I believe my answer should be a simple, "no." Correct?
First of all, what "formal boundaries" is she talking about? Does she mean emailing you about it rather than talking face-to-face? On the mediation, the purpose of a mediator is to help you resolve differences in the D settlement. It seems kind of pointless to just walk in there without having had any discussion at all on how you are splitting marital assets and how child custody will work. FIRST she should prepare a proposed settlement, then you review it, and THEN if the two of you can't resolve your differences it's time to go to the mediator who can hopefully help you iron it out. So you might reply back with something along those lines.
I agree that she's played her cards and has nothing left to play.
When she says "formal boundaries," she really wants both rules of engagement and a formal property settlement agreement. She wants a clear path to when she can get a new place, a new car and move into her new life. The limbo is killing her.
She hates that I won't walk straight into the mediator and let her go off into the dreamworld she has in her mind. She thinks I'm preventing her future and she's not getting any younger (boo hoo). Again, the limbo is killing her.
If she gets into bed first (while I'm out GAL), is it wrong just to hop in next to her and let her move if she wants to?
