I swear they all read the same instructions. My WW said the same thing. "You are trying to bully me into staying married to you!"
Uh, nope.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
She is beyond angry at me today. She started down the, "what's best for the kids route last night." I responded that, "you being in a relationship while still married is not what's best for the kids." I said I'd go for 70/30 custody (me being 70). She exploded at me and said, "you are trying to take my kids away from me."
Her behavior has been erratic and I requested she get a psych eval. She is going to see a psychologist tomorrow. She also said that she is going to be breaking up w/ the guy today (affairs where I have evidence don't look good in court). We will see if that actually happens.
She was up all night feverishly texting people. This morning she is pushing me for a mediation appointment and says that she is super bitter towards me. She also said that she will be staying in the house 100% of the time until separation agreement is drafted as she will not "abandon" the kids (smart move on her part).
I believe my chances at R to be around 0% right now. Think my next moves are to get a mediator on the books in the next couple of weeks. Thoughts?
R is never at 0%. jeepdog many people get a D and then have the WAS come back wanting to R. AS long as you are both still alive there is always a chance of Ring. Unless you just flat out say you don't want it.
Good job on the rest. I would probably have not made the 70/30 comment. Even if true, don't give away your gameplan before the game is played. Mediation is fine but STILL consult a lawyer. D is a legal process, you need a legal expert's guidance.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Consulted a Lawyer. There's little she can do over the next year (minus draining bank accounts...sigh). The move is patience here and being a lighthouse in the storm.
We have an hour consult w/ the mediator next Wednesday.
Yes because you are finally standing up for yourself and not letting her steamroll you so she's gone to Plan B which is "get mean and angry until he comes back under my control". If you stick to your gameplan then at some point you can expect Plan C which is "cry and pout and act miserable until he comes back under my control." Plan D is "dangle the carrot" where she will make you promises of rekindling the relationship, if only you will just leave the house for a few months. When that fails she will loop back around and repeat.
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This morning she is pushing me for a mediation appointment and says that she is super bitter towards me.
"But do what I want and things will go so much better for you." Don't buy into the hype!
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I believe my chances at R to be around 0% right now.
Yes, you are correct. Right now there's a 0% chance. But the more time that goes by the more those chances go up. I would say that given a 2 year timeframe the chances are better than 50-50. But right now, no, not going to happen.
Your move is no move. DB'ing isn't a chess game, it's kind of the opposite in fact. You let her do all the moves while you focus on you. A couple of suggestions:
- You rarely comment/ respond to people's posts here. If you want to make maximum use of this board then start interacting more rather than just using it for pure journaling.
- Focus more effort on your GAL and detachment. Post more about what you are doing in those regards. It's fine to come here and vent, that's another reason we are here. But when your posts are 100% about your M then some correction is needed.
Yes because you are finally standing up for yourself and not letting her steamroll you so she's gone to Plan B which is "get mean and angry until he comes back under my control". If you stick to your gameplan then at some point you can expect Plan C which is "cry and pout and act miserable until he comes back under my control." Plan D is "dangle the carrot" where she will make you promises of rekindling the relationship, if only you will just leave the house for a few months. When that fails she will loop back around and repeat.
Quote
This morning she is pushing me for a mediation appointment and says that she is super bitter towards me.
"But do what I want and things will go so much better for you." Don't buy into the hype!
Quote
I believe my chances at R to be around 0% right now.
Yes, you are correct. Right now there's a 0% chance. But the more time that goes by the more those chances go up. I would say that given a 2 year timeframe the chances are better than 50-50. But right now, no, not going to happen.
Jeep,
Trust AS on this (and lots of other things, tbh)—he’s usually money about these sorts of things.
I want to let you know that you are not alone in this, in any sense of the term—we’re all (or have been) in similar boats.
What AS describes about Plans B-D is 100% correct, and I’ve seen my W do these, and I won’t put it past her doing this again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Sunrise, sunset.
Stick to your guns and don’t let her control you (admittedly, this can be hard, and I’ve had to learn not to do this).
But yes, don’t buy into her hype—odds are, with a WAS / WAW, it will probably change soon enough anyway.
Oh, and I would add—don’t let her use recon as a negotiation tactic. W has tried that with me, and you and I (and all of us) are too good for that. Recon is an option when BOTH parties are into it, from a place of mutual love and respect. It’s not a bargaining chip.
