How did I get here...

[SteveLW]

If she gets into bed first (while I'm out GAL), is it wrong just to hop in next to her and let her move if she wants to?

Its' your room and bed too. And she is your W, whether or not she wants to be or not. Nothing wrong at all. When she protests:

"I can understand how you feel. However, this is my room and my bed too, and you are the one that wants out of the marriage. So if you can't sleep in the same place as me you should be the one to leave."

[SteveLW]

Jeepdog, one caveat to this is if she is in an active affair (physical), then you put her out of the room. Don't like Nice Guy Syndrome deter you. The vets here will tell you that you can't nice her back into the marriage.

[jeepdog]

One last question. She states that she is still going to live out of the house during her "off days." More time to "clear her head."

My $.02 is to say that there are no formal on and off days. If I'm in the house, I'm taking care of the kids alongside you. If you leave, that's your call...

[jeepdog]

Here's my thoughts on ground rules:

###
We can talk more Friday in person.

So we can use the time to discuss items, here are my thoughts:

I have no tension w/ you.

I am moving beyond the 2-2-3 schedule we discussed. I assure you I will do what's best for the kids and I. I'm sleeping in the MBR. As you are actively seeing someone, I'll assume ownership of the MBR.

If you're in the house, I will co-parent w/ you. If you're not there, that's your call.

[jeepdog]

One more try:

We can talk more Friday in person.

So we can use the time to discuss items, here are my thoughts:

I have no tension w/ you.

I am moving beyond the 2-2-3 schedule we discussed. I assure you I will do what's best for the kids and I.

I'm sleeping in our bedroom. You're the one that wants out and is actively seeing someone. If you want to sleep elsewhere, that's your call.

If you're in the house, I will co-parent w/ you. If you're not there, that's your call.

[SteveLW]

Action. Not words. Don't discuss anything, just take action.

And yes, let her come and go as she sees fit. In fact, use her next "off" day to move her stuff OUT of the MBR.

[Ready2Change]

I'm sleeping in our bedroom. You're the one that wants out and is actively seeing someone. If you want to sleep elsewhere, that's your call.

W:"Bla bla bla"
H:"W, I decided it is best for me to sleep in my bed. You are free to sleep wherever you want"
W:"Bla bla blab"
H:"I am sorry you feel that way." (or "it must be hard" or "i understand")
W:"Bla bla bla bla"

[Ready2Change]

She says, "we have to do what's best for the kids."

If you hear this again,

H:"I agree. I just don't see how we can with the WAY you are ending our marriage."
W:"What ?? why??"
H:"What is best for our children is addressing our issues and making things better, not making things worse by getting involved with another man before we are divorced."
W:"Bla bla bla bla"
H:"I see many solutions to our issues, but if D is the ONLY way for you to be happy, I will not stand in your way"

[Ready2Change]

When you move her stuff out of the master bed room

W:Bla bla bl why are my things in guest room bla bla bla"
H:"I believe it is best that your stuff is not in my room"
W:"Bla bla bla"

LIsten. Validate.

Talk from your core values. Do not let your emotions control you.

[SteveLW]

listen go R2C. He has helped many LBSs and is very wise.