Whirlwind of Hurt 7

[Bo562]

chase excellence not women

Love this!

[Ready2Change]

Hi TF,

Thanks for the update. Yes D [censored] at first. Keep doing the personal growth stuff. During my "Me Time", I would do dinners alone and interact with the staff. Keep doing the uncomfortable. Soon it is just the new you behavior. I am almost always the first to start conversations now.

[IHCLACS]

chase excellence not women

Love this!

Love this too. This is excellent advice, given the unsurmountable level of hypocrisy that my wife is. Almost makes me want to push through the divorce, and get on with my own life exploring the world.

[Again18]

TF you are a sturdy and safe lighthouse. To bad your XW can't see it from where she's at :-( You are also an inspiration to a lot of people here. Thank you for that.

[Twofeet]

Hey folks I need to vent a little today.

I am post-D and I unfortunately didn't bust my D, but I need some help, perspective, 2x4 etc. LH has often said to me it has to get worse before it get better. I feel like both are happening congruently. My personal, social, career life are on this big uptick. The sitch with my XW from the outside might look like its better or at least on the level, but I feel like its a continual degradation. She has turned into a real piece of work and I barely recognize her anymore.

A couple of weeks ago XW brought the kids to D8 game. It was cold and wet and S3 what running around with no shoes on, just socks. I asked XW where was his shoes. She said she is making him responsible for his own shoes and he forgot them. I said our 3 year old is running around soaking his socks on this cold day and you are telling me he forgot his shoes. She then got sheepish and said she messed up and forgot his shoes.

XW lets kids watch youtube unfettered. I don't like this as I found inappropriate videos the kids have stumble upon in the past. I sent XW news articles about some of the pedos rings and other problems and she agreed to remove youtube from her house or at least sit down and watch it with the kids. Did she do this? Nope. When the kids ask me to let them watch youtube I tell them no. Their response is well mommy lets us watch it as long as we promise to not watch bad shows. OK great, its now up to my 3, 5,& 8 year old to police their own content on the tablets she bought them.

XW is trying to use me as a bank. She wants to pay me her portion for schooling and then have me pay the school everything. I told her no. Despite the fact that she makes more than me, she is having a hard time paying the school on time because of her poor spending habits. I am not bankrolling that train wreck.

I found out by what the kids told my mom, that XW uses my house as a scapegoat for punishment. Ex if you kids don't behave I am going to take you to your dads house, drop you off at your dads house, have you live with your dad.

Two weeks ago XW broke some things in her new house and asked me to come fix them. I told her no, she can take care of it, but if she gets stuck she could call me and I could walk her through this. In hindsight I just should have said no and left it at that. Anyway, she texts me or speaks to me about needing her home fixes at D8 games. When are you going to fix it, when are you coming over to take care of my problems, etc. I finally had enough and said I am not going to fix your problems you need to get your dad to do it. Well guess who showed up to fix it. OM and his boy. So of course she introduces him to the kids as Mommy's friend. So I guess he did all of her honey dos and then they went and played "family" in the backyard afterwards. I guess OM has 3 kids, one in her 20s from one woman and two teens from another. I don't like the fact that she has brought this bozo around or that his kids are so much older than mine. I kind of understand the mindset of some of the people on here, but I don't trust this guy or his kids. I am not sure what was the best way to handle it. I told my kids they may be mommy's friends, but they are still strangers to you. Don't be alone with them, and if they make you feel awkward, touch you, or hurt you, then I need to know immediately. I have heard enough horror stories to not be foolish enough to turn a blind eye and think it couldn't happen to me and my kids.

What kind rubs me raw about this among other things was that XW set up all these rules upon D. For example no kid introductions for at least 6 month of dating, and the other parent meets them before kid introductions. I don't want to be the Divorce Police, but why did she want all these rules if she isn't going to follow them. It sure seems like I am the only one running things by her to follow our agreement while she does whatever the heck she wants.

As always there is much more to this pile of B.S., but these are the only things off the top of my head worth mentioning right now.

She generally is a lying @sshole towards me unless she wants something. My cup is starting to get too full and I am trying to not get to the tipping point. Last weekend at D8 game she pulled some BS on me and blamed me for something she messed up. I temporarily lost my cool and snapped at her pretty damn harshly in front of my mom. Trying to stay on the high road I did later apologize to her for snapping at her in front of my mom, but I feel like maybe I shouldn't have even done this. It wasn't like she apologized for disparaging me in front of my mom for something that wasn't even my problem. I feel like I have the mongol horde at the gates and I am going to have to fight them off for another 15 years. Good grief!

Any vets, any post-D people, heck anyone have some advice I sure would appreciate it!

[Ready2Change]

Hey folks I need to vent a little today.

Great place to do it.

I need some help, perspective, 2x4 etc.

I read the post. I will give my input.

It was cold and wet and S3 what running around with no shoes on, just socks. I asked XW where was his shoes. She said she is making him responsible for his own shoes and he forgot them. I said our 3 year old is running around soaking his socks on this cold day and you are telling me he forgot his shoes. She then got sheepish and said she messed up and forgot his shoes.

Google "parenting with love and logic"

natural consequences work well. As long as there is no "real" danger.

Determining when to criticize the others parenting is learned skill. Some things are worth calling out, others are not. Some need discussing.

XW lets kids watch youtube unfettered.

I had my network locked down with OPENDNS. XWife bought kids smartphones with full access to everything. Pretty much worst thing you can give kids. Nothing I could do.

I found out by what the kids told my mom, that XW uses my house as a scapegoat for punishment. Ex if you kids don't behave I am going to take you to your dads house, drop you off at your dads house, have you live with your dad.

Call her on her BS.Father "Mother, I heard this 'Bla bla bla'. is that true?"

Google "Divorce poison."

[Twofeet]

R2C- Got it, thank you! I googled and now have the info to read. Thanks for the input. I have been doing really well with my own life and development. I just feel like this part the whole D sitch is trying to drag me down. For me to come on here to vent means that I have been chewing at it for a while. Makes me feel bad or childish to do so, but it helps get me back on track.

[Ready2Change]

I had to use the phrase "Hate campaign" with my X once. Got her attention.

[LH19]

What’s new TF?

[Twofeet]

What’s new TF?

Everything....

Work is going well this season. My consulting side gig is bringing in a little extra as well. I have some irons in the fire for expanding that as well as some other business opportunities in the next 3 years. The volunteer work I do related to my job and industry has been going well and has provided a lot of good connections.
My social life has been going well and I have been added to a couple new social circles/ groups of friends. I have some vacations lined up this winter as well.

I hit my weight goal of getting up to 185lbs a while back. I hit a hard plateau so I switched programing that now has me lifting 4 days a week. Last time I weighed myself I was 187lbs and my new target weight is 195 lbs. Because I am busy with work I only have time for hot yoga about once a week. I also run once a week for cardio.


I have been dating through online and through friends. Dating can be kind of meh in my opinion. If you recall my XW was my HS sweetheart and the only person I had been with. So out of my marriage I was basically a virgin to the dating game. Well I found out that if you are a man and you have your act together with minimal to no baggage women line up. Not only that, but I was surprised how easily they want to sleep with me on the first or second date. There is definitely a hookup culture in the age ranges that I date in. I also date 2 to 3 ladies at a time as I have time, currently since I have been so busy I have weeded it down to 1 lady at a time. Before that there was a 29 y/o woman I was dating for a bit that I really liked and we had potential. However, I tend to be a good listener and people like to open up to me. She ended up having more baggage than an airport carousel. When she tried to compare notes all I have is that I am divorced with 3 young well behaved kids, if you want to call that baggage. She told me she was garbage and I deserve someone better than trash like her.... to use her words. She ended it which was fine because her baggage was very serious and I would have ended it either way. Fortunately, from what I gather she stopped dating and is getting help. My thoughts on dating are that I basically will give all walks of life a first date if they seem interesting, and boy have I dated some interesting women. However, the vast majority of women aren't worth a second date. I think its going to take a lot of digging to find anyone worth a serious relationship. Don't settle its not worth it.

My kids are doing well. Glad school is out and the XW has been giving me extra time with them so she can do her thing which is more than likely OM. I have them about 60% of the time, and we have been spending the summer swimming, fishing, and just having a lot of fun. XW has been bringing OM and his teenage boy around the kids and taking kids to OM house. She broke her rule about waiting 6 months and meeting the other parent first. However, I don't want to meet OM. Its funny because when I confronted her about it she said there was no rule, but she still wanted to meet the woman end up with and be able to have convos with her about our kids....LOL. I told her no that wouldn't be happening. Right or wrong I told the kids the reason why mommy divorced daddy was because mommy wanted OM to be her boyfriend. The two youngest didn't get it but D8 did. I let XW know what was said and of course we had words. She denied everything and after I confronted her with some of my evidence she just said I don't give a $h1t what you think anymore. I let her know that was the last time we will ever speak of our former R again. She of course lied to the kids and said OM was just a friend and I don't know what I am talking about. She felt guilty though and bought their love with gifts. That is her usual m.o.... other than that its her usual PITA manipulation and stunts she pulls on me which is getting old. It doesn't work on me despite it being annoying and frustrating. Fortunately, we haven't had much interaction out side of the OM issue. Oh and a side note. I still have a good relationship with XW parents and sister. It sounds like XW had a falling out with her parents and sister, but I don't know why and I don't ask. I don't share XW dirty laundry with anyone. Not my farm, not my fight.

For those who end up D like me you will get to a point when you can look back. You should own your side of the fence because you aren't perfect and you made mistakes. That being said you can see their side of the fence a lot better and have a better perspective of your shared past. I keep learning or seeing new things I never realized and I keep coming to the conclusion that I can't believe the amount of abuse I put up with. My family came very close to cutting ties to XW and I when we were in our MR and now I see why.