It sounds to me like you have this in hand. Working on yourself and moving forward towards what is good for you can't ever be a bad idea? And more experienced DBers who know your situation better will be able to give you better suggestions. I suppose the risk is that if you aren't willing to trust a little, and accept what small concrete actions he might be putting forward (and you're right - words aren't actions) then you and he will stay stuck where you are. I wish you well.
Thank you are so sweet. I’ll have to go read your sitch. It’s sad that we are all here but I’m grateful for this forum. It helps me so much.
I still love my H very much. Trust me when I say, I wish that I didn’t. I wish it was easier to walk away. But what I would need from him is consistency, honesty, effort, and transparency. That’s how you build trust.
The issues that we had in our M before he was abducted by the MLC aliens, can be resolved. However that will require consistent work from the both of us. I’ve been working on myself and my 180’s since last year. I’m not sure I can name one thing he’s worked on. I mean I guess I can give him credit for going to IC.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I know what you mean. I'm angry with my H and I know the way he's acted towards me is just unacceptable. I love him very much and I feel sad he's in a bad place, awful that I can't help him, and contrite for the pain I have caused him. I do accept that if our relationship ends in divorce that my actions will have had a huge role to play in it, and I also accept I can't repair it on my own and I can't make him say or do or feel anything and I can't make him believe that I am working towards being ready to piece things together with him. It is very hard. On dark days, when I am feeling grief striken and lonely or when I am angry and resentful, if someone offered me a magic pill that would turn my love off and just turn him into 'some guy who collects the kids a couple of times a week' I would mortgage my house to buy it from them. I guess there's just no way around the pain but through it.
I would love your perspective on my situation. I am trying to learn a lot here.
I actually wished my husband was dead more than once in the first couple of months after he left. I thought him being dead would have been preferable to him breaking my heart into tiny pieces.
Luckily, I'm mostly glad he's alive most days now Funny how much you realise life has improved with hindsight!
I know what you mean. I'm angry with my H and I know the way he's acted towards me is just unacceptable. I love him very much and I feel sad he's in a bad place, awful that I can't help him, and contrite for the pain I have caused him. I do accept that if our relationship ends in divorce that my actions will have had a huge role to play in it, and I also accept I can't repair it on my own and I can't make him say or do or feel anything and I can't make him believe that I am working towards being ready to piece things together with him. It is very hard. On dark days, when I am feeling grief striken and lonely or when I am angry and resentful, if someone offered me a magic pill that would turn my love off and just turn him into 'some guy who collects the kids a couple of times a week' I would mortgage my house to buy it from them. I guess there's just no way around the pain but through it.
I would love your perspective on my situation. I am trying to learn a lot here.
Sending you hugs! I would love to put in on that magic pill, lol! I quickly read through your sitch but can you give me a little more info. I know your H has been rude to you and said mean things. Is he in MLC?
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I actually wished my husband was dead more than once in the first couple of months after he left. I thought him being dead would have been preferable to him breaking my heart into tiny pieces.
Luckily, I'm mostly glad he's alive most days now Funny how much you realise life has improved with hindsight!
LOL!!!! I know the feeling. I have envisioned myself slapping the dog crap out of my H. It seems like that would feel so good. We want to inflict some pain on them so they can hurt like we hurt. Truth is, they are in pain. I told my H that I wanted to hurt him bad. His reply was, it would probably feel better than the pain I currently feel. They are a mess and in a lot of pain. But it still [censored] that they are hurting us because they are in pain.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I walked past my husband's car this morning (he was at the house picking up youngest) and I had a vision of myself taking my key out of my pocket and scraping it all along the side.
I walked past my husband's car this morning (he was at the house picking up youngest) and I had a vision of myself taking my key out of my pocket and scraping it all along the side.
I didn't though. I'll call that a successful 180!
This is good! I’m glad we are confessing these things. We will never do them but it’s funny to confess them.
Here’s another one of mine. There is a certain laundry detergent that breaks my H out bad. I’ve thought about buying some and washing all his clothes in it. Ha!!!!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I have some thoughts on the MBR. Do you want some input?
Ready2Change, I agree we are not at piecing yet.
Sure I’d love to hear your input on MBR. Share away!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Funny how much you realise life has improved with hindsight!