WAW says I'm the "perfect husband and partner"

[ovrrnbw]

I don't know if she was testing you as much as just trying to keep you away so she could do what she wants regardless of how it inconveniences you. I wouldn't send her a thank you text either, just let it be. Your W and her mom can figure this out on their own, and you don't have to stay away from your own home to accommodate it either. No need to forward her the itinerary either, your W is not keeping you aware of her actions, right?

You should feel good about standing up for yourself in a positive way.

[Ready2Change]

I agree with ovrrnbw.

[Jamine]

I ended up not replying to W's texts at all, and she sent another unprompted text this morning from bed saying that our dog keeps looking for me in our guest room (W and I were switching off rooms after 2nd BD) along with another picture of him looking very sad. I replied, "I wish he was here with me" in a moment of weakness.

I know that I should be ignoring W's texts, but I really really like getting them. I know it sounds silly to many, but I do miss my dog a crazy amount. I've only sent replies to direct questions so far, except for my acknowledgement today. LRT is hard - I felt so strong about this yesterday and feel so much weaker and emotional today. Maybe a workout will help.

[Ready2Change]

I know that I should be ignoring W's texts, but I really really like getting them.

It is not about ignoring the text. It is about how you respond. Steve's advise above is dead on. Read it again.

You are not busy enough. Focus on doing things that you enjoy. Things that you want to do. Things that you need to do. Get out of your head. Be in the moment.

Next time W text about the dog:
H:"W, thanks for sharing. I plan on taking him to the park when I get back."

[sandi2]

I've always been a "nice guy" and a sap with women.

There's the problem. Want her to feel attracted to you? I can tell you what to do. Dump her! You won't listen, b/c you are new and are dying to do ANYTHING.........except dump her. At least, appear that you are through with her.

Look, she's intentionally keeping you on the back burner.....or Plan B (as we call it). I suggest you text her that considering the recent developments, you have a lot to think about and feel it best to go radio silent until you return home, unless there is an extreme emergency. Then sit back and watch all the text, photos, etc. flooding your way. Just don't respond.

[Jamine]

I'm planning to meet up with a friend tonight to catch up. Trying to embrace GAL, but the weather is not cooperating with the outdoor activities I was hoping to do.

I'll wait to see if I hear from her again today. If I do, I'll let her know that I'm taking time to think about things and not to expect any communication from me. I know that I've been put through the ringer, lied to, and mistreated, but I'm still thinking about how I'll hurt her feelings by saying this...I have to stop caring so much.

[Ready2Change]

Everyone want to talk to much (to their wayward spouse). You do not need to explain anything. You can set boundaries with your words if you need to, but I strongly suggest doing it with your actions.

Less words is always better. In person is stronger than text.

Sandi
H:"W, Considering the recent developments, I have a lot to think about and feel it best to go radio silent until I return home, unless there is an extreme emergency"

You
"I'm taking time to think about things so do not expect any communication from me."

Me:
W'bla bla ba"
W"Bla bla ba"
W"Bla bla bla Are you OK? bla bla bla"
1 hour later H"Yes"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla why aren't you answering me?"
W"Bla bla bla H??"
45 minutes later H"W, I am busy and texting is not my top priority."
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"
W"Bla bla bla"

[Jamine]

Update today...
No contact from or to W since her text yesterday morning. I went over to a good friend's house last night and had a great time hanging with him and his family. Started my day with a killer workout - an attractive woman there kept looking at me and smiled at me before I left. Meeting up with a friend I haven't seen in a decade tonight, and I'm excited to reconnect.

Yesterday I really didn't think I could do this. Today is better; I feel more like myself, and CONFIDENT.

I wouldn't be here without the support of all of you. You've helped me more than you can imagine.

[sandi2]

Enjoying life while going through M problems can be very challenging. However, the people who survived healthily, said that GAL was key. Focus on what you enjoy. Keep your calendar full. Listen to upbeat music and watch motivational Youtube videos. Whatever inspires you and keeps your spirit up.,.....your primary goal needs to be YOU. That may sound selfish, but I'm just telling you what works. The more focus you put on your W, the more depressed you will become.

You are going to hear several things that will probably sound completely opposite to what you've always heard to do to have a good MR. You are no longer in that former place of doing things to just build a good MR with your W. By the time people come to the board, the M is in serious trouble and it usually requires counterintuitive actions to save it.

In your spare time while you are away from home, you might purchase a little book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I think you will see yourself within those pages. Unless there is some mental issue with your W, I can almost guarantee you that the root of the problem is that she has lost a certain amount of respect for you as a man. You may have a fantastic job that supplies every material thing she could want. However, if you've allowed her to wear the pants in the relationship, then she has lost attraction for you. That's how it works. Women are designed emotionally to where they have to feel respect for the H, in order to feel attraction/desire for him. Although a woman likes and wants emotional needs met by the H, he cannot coddle her to the point he is in more of a subservient position in the MR. Make sense?

Some men actually brag how they spoil their W, but if she is not appreciative and admires him as a man........then spoiling her is not a good thing. I can't get over how many H's go home from work to their stay at home W (who has not lifted a finger to get anything done) and proceeds to do all the chores b/c he doesn't want his W to have to do it. What? These guys are just asking for trouble! Do you see what I'm saying? Some of these guys actually thought they were showing love by letting the W lay around all day while the man worked and then went home to everything there. Maybe none of this applies to your situation. It's just an example.

Some men become a "Yes, Dear" type of H. They think going along with whatever she says is the way to keep her happy. Of course, this means he doesn't stand up for himself, and he pretty much just lets her call the shots, right or wrong. He would never call her out about her bad treatment. If you want to kill attraction dead its tracks........that's the way to do it.

How have things been in the bedroom for the last couple of years (maybe longer)? Be honest, we're all friends here.

Before this situation came from her recent trip, how would she usually act when you were away from each other?

Yesterday I really didn't think I could do this. Today is better; I feel more like myself, and CONFIDENT.

That's great, Jamine. How long has it been since you've felt like yourself?

I think you previously said something about struggling with not enough confidence. Do you know why this is a struggle for you? Would you say your W builds your confidence by showing admiration, or does she tear you down by critical remarks?

[Jamine]

Just got a text from W asking if I'm monitoring her (I'm not). She said she was freaked out when I said I'd seen a suspicious text on her phone last week (talking about potential OM to her sister, but not conclusive EA or PA). Not sure why this came up now.

I replied, "No, I would never do that. I'm focusing on myself right now, and have no desire to monitor you."

Was this a good response? Trying to train myself to do this right.