The problem is my 180’s are to spend time with her , listening, validating , supporting . The problem with this is 1) I feel like a broken man , 2) this could turn me into the man BF , and she would be happy with that . Ivor gal. Not much so far , gym today , work party last week ( no drinking) , this Saturday I have an opportunity to play poker with some old friends, I have been swarming her with checking what she is doing, I know I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help myself, but won’t do it again
I am , that was a great link , I guess I need to face what it is . Suck up the pain and try and learn . It is hard when battling no sleep and lack of appetite
Goals : Action
Gym : Every other day.
Eat : Force myself even when i don;t feel like it.
Appearance : Take better care and dress better.
Outlook : Smile more and let the things i have no control over or fear off LET GO.
Fix : The things in the house i have let slide. (seperate list) at least 1 step a day.
Sleep : Try Herbal remedy tablets.
Read : Not only read but take in the useful posts here and try and absorb the messages.
Any help on how to deal with tonight? I am tired , and feeling broken, my stomach is in knots. Showing her I am a happy, confident man that wants the best for us is going to be tough
seeing as you have a chemical addiction problem, I'd pass on the herbal sleep aids. Learn your body and learn to live without adding substances to deal with life!
As for exuding confidence when you aren't feeling confident I'd suggest changing your body language. Run in place, put both hands in the air and yell like you just hit the home run in game 7 of the world series. Smile! Make yourself laugh. Do this for 2 minutes, then go in the house. Seriously. Emotions effects our body language but it also works the other way too. That's why people who spend time on the phone working are told to smile when they talk, it change their voice inflection and the way people hear us.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Any help on how to deal with tonight? I am tired , and feeling broken, my stomach is in knots. Showing her I am a happy, confident man that wants the best for us is going to be tough
Is there something in particular going on tonight or are you just asking how to act around her in general? Early on you can't completely hide the fact that you are hurting, and it's OK for her to know that. I mean if she didn't think you were hurting she might wonder what was wrong with you. Just try not to cry in front of her or be overly needy around her. Of course you're sad and she knows you're sad, but put on the best face you can and show inner strength.
AS . No , I said I would cook us dinner, I didn’t sleep well last night , I had a dream that I had lost her in a vast holiday complex and couldn’t find her , my midriff is hurting a bit from the gym and my stomach is hurting from the pain . I also made a big mistake last night of misinterpreting something she said as that she had re chosen me as her man , stupid mistake, but it brought me down a bit . But it has taught me to not hold on to every little signal as a yes or no , nasty little rollercoaster that one
So I gave an ultimatum last week , give me a chance , but I will not continue if you sleep with other men . We agreed 2 weeks which expires Saturday. In some ways I regret it , but I will not continue trying whilst she sleeps with someone else . She responded that she didn’t know and didn’t want to give up her fling “ there’s nothing in it , it’s not like that “ really ? Anyway the downside of this is I guess she is free until then to what she likes even if she then throws me a further maybe line then . I understand in a way that she needs to see I have changed , she said this . But I cannot continue if she does so am considering pulling the plug if she does from now on . Any thoughts?
Just an update , things went well , I validated her criticisms of my cooking techniques;) . Had a nice family meal at the table . Me and SD did most of the convos. It was good XF kept quiet . Just didn’t register or ask her anything and carried on enjoying it . Stripped wallpaper above a door that had been outstanding for a while . Was good to do something that took my mind off things . Did it as best I could and cleaned up afterwards. XF was hanging just out of site , so just carried on as if all was ok . Made her and myself a coffee , read part of a new book of inspirational quotes . Said goodnight and went to bed
