I sent a post before reading the recent updates, then afterwards, I deleted it. I'm confused about this entire emailing situation with OM. Are you saying she never told OM the A was a horrible mistake, that she still loved her H and wanted to save her M? And if she hasn't, why not?
You aren't suppose to constantly watch her phone/email activity.
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She wanted to go away somewhere this weekend with me overnight and we made plans, she is trying right? or is this just being more covert?
If she has been temp checking you hard, after the email stuff........then I'd say it is a red flag. I don't see spending an overnight with her H as "trying" when it immediately follows some questionable emails that were discovered.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She said that's what she said to OM but I was not present. She disclosed his attempts to get in contact with her that one time and said she responded because she wanted him to stop. I told her to ignore. I told her I was only concerned that she did not let me know that she responded this time.
Not sure what to do...
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I don't constantly monitor for that reason so that she doesn't feel "watched"...she has to gain my trust, she said she knows this.
This is huge. I don't think my W would have committed back to the MR if I was constantly monitoring her. Dropping the rope, being differentiated, means that you don't have to monitor constantly. Plus, do you really want her behaving SOLELY because she is afraid to get caught, or do you want her to want to not misbehave on her own?
My IC told me to stop monitoring. That the truth has a way of being discovered all on its own.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We addressed the email that she sent and she explained it. I think she gets it, this OM isn't interested in anything but the hook up and had discounted her family which she said was the reason why it had to end. OM said he couldn't give her anymore.
Funny now that he has continued to try and contact from random numbers, W has grown more and more hostile about the situation and considering changing her number. Maybe he should try DB'ing!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I think she gets it, this OM isn't interested in anything but the hook up and had discounted her family which she said was the reason why it had to end. OM said he couldn't give her anymore.
No, she doesn't get it. This was the wrong answer. Don't you remember wondering why she wouldn't tell OM that their A was a terrible mistake, that she still loves her H and wants to work on the M? That's the reason an affair should end!
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Funny now that he has continued to try and contact from random numbers, W has grown more and more hostile about the situation and considering changing her number. Maybe he should try DB'ing!
No, what is really funny is the fact she won't tell OM in your presence what I just wrote above.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
True Sandi true...things have been better on our front but dang I don't know where to go from here. She needs help in a bad way. Whatever happened to her in the last year plus and all that she is now remembering and processing about her abuse in her teen years are eating at her.
She is carrying the full burden of the A that she had and the damage that is has done to us and our family. I see her spiraling. Hard to define that line of keeping her from crashing and helping her back on her feet.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
