WAW says I'm the "perfect husband and partner"

[Jamine]

LH19, thanks for sharing that post - I know this is the direction I need to go.

I am definitely in a different place now than when this incident happened. This was last week, and honestly it feels like an eternity since then, mostly because of all that I've learned here. Since I've left home, I've completely changed my communication pattern with W. I know that I can improve, and I will continue to.

Divorce Remedy just arrived in the mail. I'll be reading tonight!

[LH19]

J,

That's good but remember that we call it a roller coaster ride for a reason.

Remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint and this will most likely no shake out completely for many months if not years.

Good luck Man!

[Jamine]

Hi everyone - quick update here. I didn't hear from W on 3/7, but then got a message yesterday asking how I was doing and if I needed anything. I replied, "No, I'm good." after about an hour, and W sent me a nice message/emoji almost immediately. I haven't replied to that and haven't heard from her since.

Some couple friends of ours sent a group text to us asking if we wanted to hang out soon. They have no idea about our R troubles - I was thinking of responding that I'd love to see them both when I'm in town in an upbeat way, and not reference my W. Any opinions on dealing with mutual couple friends?

Since my last update I've stayed the course with healthy eating and regular workouts. I've spent time with friends, and family, and I'm about halfway through The Divorce Remedy (reading out of order pertaining to my specific issues). Hoping to do more outdoor activity once the weather is good, but I'm definitely GAL regardless. I'm feeling more independent and confident, but like my life is in a holding pattern. I don't go back to my house until 3/28, and I have no idea what life and interactions will be like at that point.

One week of separation down. Things definitely improve every day, but I'm having trouble thinking about the future. I'm used to planning everything out, and I feel like everything in front of me is a question mark. It's not bad, just unfamiliar and a bit scary.

[Ready2Change]

Some couple friends of ours sent a group text to us asking if we wanted to hang out soon. They have no idea about our R troubles - I was thinking of responding that I'd love to see them both when I'm in town in an upbeat way, and not reference my W. Any opinions on dealing with mutual couple friends?

perfect

[sandi2]

One week of separation down. Things definitely improve every day, but I'm having trouble thinking about the future. I'm used to planning everything out, and I feel like everything in front of me is a question mark. It's not bad, just unfamiliar and a bit scary.

So if you are separated, how would that picture look if you planned the next three or four weeks without your W in the picture?

[Jamine]

It would look like exactly what I'm doing now. Working out regularly, eating healthy, spending time with friends and family, and working on learning a few new skills. I do return home in 2.5 ish weeks - I'm already ready to be there, to sleep in my own bed, live in my house. I guess I'm more nervous about the months afterward, what living in my house will be like, how W will treat me when I'm home...

I almost broke today. I had a great day, but I found myself at home 30 mins ago with my phone in my hand, ready to call her to see how she's doing. Instead, I picked up The Divorce Remedy and read through LRT again, then came here and regained some focus. Phew, feeling much better, and didn't mess up LRT.

[sandi2]

I guess I'm more nervous about the months afterward, what living in my house will be like, how W will treat me when I'm home...

She may give you the full meal deal before time to leave again. Here's the thing, you have determined your actions based on your W's moods or treatment toward you for so long, it is ingrained to plan everything accordingly. However, if you are separated, then I would think you are free to basically plan whatever GAL you like. However, I think you may be more concerned about how to interact with her while in the house together.

The 37 rules is a guide that many people have found to help them have an idea of the do's & don'ts at this point.

If I may give you a piece of advice, I'd tell you to .remember your moral courage and spiritual beliefs. Don't compromise your integrity. This is the biggest thing I see going on with newcomer LBH's. They want the W who doesn't love them, and they jeopardize their own core values trying to cling to someone who doesn't want them. You said you once were a strong man. Find that strength again. Do not seek anything from your W. Let her feel all the freedom in the world. No emotional pressure by saying ILY. No pressure by showing affection. Act in a friend-ly manner, but don't cling to her. Give her all the space you can, but don't feel you must "hide out".

You will probably see all sorts of conduct from your W, which will confuse you. My advice is to stay calm and try not to take every word too seriously. When you see something in her body language that you think suggests she is not as cold as previously......don't fall for it. Just remain calm and act as if nothing has changed......b/c it hasn't. You'll drive yourself crazy if you try to make her every move and/or spoken word as some special sign/meaning that things are shifting in the right direction. I wish I could say we see it happen that easily and that fast all the time, but we don't.

You do not have children together, is that correct? Does she normally travel a lot without you? What's the longest stretch of time has she been completely alone while you were away working?

BTW, keep your DR book concealed and if you share the same computer, you probably need to clean the history. Why? B/c when she sees changes in you, she'll start looking. Women are curious anyway. The DB tools are for you, not her. It's not that you are reading anything bad, but when the W discovers it, she tends to scoff and say your changes are b/c you read that book. It seems more effective when the other team doesn't see your play book. Know what I mean?

Anyway, hold your head up, shoulders back, and walk tall. You will make it through this ordeal

[Jamine]

Sandi,

I'll definitely look to the 37 rules regularly so they are easy to recall once I'm back home. I know this is going to take a ton of self control, and I'm attempting to practice this now while our contact is minimal.

You do not have children together, is that correct? Does she normally travel a lot without you? What's the longest stretch of time has she been completely alone while you were away working?

We do not have children together. We usually travel together, however she's gone on a few "girls" trips in the past. These have mostly been weekends away, and not often. W's trip to India was our first real extended time apart. I usually work from home and have a local office, I'm only away now because I thought W's request for space might be positive for our R. I agreed and booked my tickets before I found out about DB.

I'll definitely keep DR and all of my activity here concealed. We do not share a computer or accounts, so this shouldn't be too difficult.

Thanks so much for your input.

[sandi2]

I'm only away now because I thought W's request for space might be positive for our R.

A couple of things here. 1) When a woman tells a man she needs space, it's never positive. 2) If she requests space, then she should be the one to leave......not him.

[Jamine]

Yeah, at this point I'm kind of stuck here until the end of the month. Had I discovered this site a month ago, I'd not have made this decision.