I know I need to do some more work on myself to resolve my emotional reactivity - not to change my mind about a decision every single time I get a different emotion. It's a huge flaw of mine and something that made it impossible for H to feel emotionally safe with me.
So I think whatever happens I'm not in a fit state to be in a R right now and I won't be until I do that work.
Been a good day , fixed the leaking pipe from the bathroom, finished the pathway , tidied up . Not communicated with F today ( give her space and time ) still wondering what she is doing. Gym and get ready for Monday. I was feeling down as I expect her to come back and say she is done . Not in my control I guess . Need to be strong, hope for the best , prepare for the worst .i am going for a long walk as I don’t want to be in when she returns Good luck everyone
So F is back and all was ok . I know she is not attracted to me . Only hurts a little. A mutual friend rang and asked about how I and F were getting on , I said good , he asked if we were back together and I avoided the question, he asked about her so I said she is beside me and passed the phone to her , he asked a few questions and no was repeated a few times ...... tbh for her saying no is the answer to give . I know she has instinctively said I need to gain weight and I am doing what I can , 4000 cals a day when I don’t feel hungry is a battle but I am doing it . I need help on how to build attraction , she works in a male dominated sports area where the guys are “big” . If anyone can help me on how to build attraction it would be a great help ? google is a bit haphazard !!
A mutual friend rang and asked about how I and F were getting on , I said good , he asked if we were back together and I avoided the question
Good, you don't want to have R discussions with mutual friends. You handled that well.
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I know she has instinctively said I need to gain weight and I am doing what I can , 4000 cals a day when I don’t feel hungry is a battle but I am doing it .
We all go through the "DB diet" for a few months after DB. It's OK (well not really, it's not the healthiest diet to be on) if you need to lose weight because it just flies off, but it's murder if you don't want to lose weight because you can't even hardly force yourself to eat. Just be patient, your appetite will return with time.
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I need help on how to build attraction , she works in a male dominated sports area where the guys are “big” . If anyone can help me on how to build attraction it would be a great help ?
Well but that doesn't mean she's particularly attracted to that. Most people have a "type" that they are attracted to. Apparently you are her type or she wouldn't have been drawn to you to begin with. So gaining 50 pound of muscle may very well turn her off. So don't try to be something you're not, instead try to be the best "you" that you can be. Dress nicely, keep yourself well-groomed, be clean, smell good. Eat well and stay fit. Do things to regain your confidence, this is where GAL is key. Get out and do stuff with friends, it'll help you to feel better about yourself.
Of the couples I know that reconciled, there was one key ingredient that worked- TIME. Really that was it. The men didn't do anything particularly out of the ordinary, they just eventually moved on and later down the road their spouses wanted back.
So true , I have been telling myself this . AS you are a truly great person . I have kind of messed up though already. I have arranged for a carpenter to replace a door that was in a shocking state today . I texted her to remind her . She seemed fine I kept short . 30 mins later I accidentally rang her mobile . I hung up quickly hoping it hadn’t gone through, the. She rang back and said she was returning my call. I said it was a mistake, but gave details on the door, she asked what time I would be back which was a trigger for me as my initial thought was she was arranging to meet om . I said I would get a celebratory take away for us , she said SD was out for the night , so I blurted out that we should go out ourselves. She said fine ,she I said hope your day was good so far , she said it was a bit “bittty” and slow . I said ok gotta get to work and said Catch you later .
I think the om part was just paranoia, I would hope that she wouldn’t do that then go for a meal with me . I guess if it was true then I wouldn’t want to be with anyone that would do that so it will be fine
I wish I hadn’t offered as I was planning on having an early night , and now I have to act if , he the best version of me whilst my heart is broken with the woman I adore who has rejected me . I will have to remind myself of zero expectations and just enjoy it as best I can .
I am not sure how to answer this . There are different layers to this and without any type of assistance I think it will be just another sink hole for me and my thinking
