I read through some emails I saved from last year while deployed, saying how much she trusts me, how she can't imagine a relationship without me, how moving forward in our life and relationship after the military is going to be amazing, how good of a dad I have been, how she is so lucky to have found someone that took her in even with her history of issues, she can't imagine what life would be like if we hadn't met, etc.
Don't read that stuff, it'll mess with your mind. No mind can process how things can so quickly from her being loving and doting to treating you like a leper. It makes no sense, and the more you read old stuff and walk down memory lane, the more confused you will be. And the more convinced you will become that this is just a hiccup and if you say or do the right thing she will snap out of it. But she won't, not anytime soon. Time and space are all you can give her right now, and you need to give it to her in abundance.
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With the recent string of emails, she has been using just the first letter of my name to address me, and the first letter of her name to sign off. Its something we did during that year of deployment; kind of a term of endearment that nobody else could use and we both knew what the other meant. I have been reluctant to start that again, and continue to use the whole first name for both of us. It has a lot of emotional meaning to me when I use just a first letter. I don't know if it still holds meaning to her or not. Trying to not read into it but its difficult.
This isn't unusual. WAS's can sometimes start out really vile and mean and angry, then when you remove all pressure and they realize that you're not going to try to cling to them or stop the D from happening then they don't feel the need to be mean anymore. She's getting what she wants so there's no need for that. But be careful because if you start pressuring her then she will go right back to being a mean girl.
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I told her I won't bring up any R talk and I intend to not do that. I am worried that she might and I need to be ready to just listen and validate as appropriate without any venting of frustration or hurt back towards her. I can do it.
Yes, good. Yes you can do it, you are well-informed now on how to deal with it.
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However I am still waiting for that next time I get stabbed in the back as soon as I let my guard down.
I doubt you will be turning your back to her anymore (figuratively speaking).
Yes I know I am taking a trip down memory lane and shouldn't do that. Haven't done that in a while, and need to get back on that horse again. It does lead to this confusion, and I can't let that cloud my mind.
I won't be applying any sort of pressure, only making sure I keep myself in check while making sure that she knows where the line is that shouldn't be crossed.
Thanks for the affirmation, I can do this. I have missed my motorcycle and it is a good component of GAL for me moving forward. Something I can do by myself of with others, meet new people, and even contribute to charity or good causes through group rides and things. It will be pleasant for more than just a better parking spot at work.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Its a 5 minute ride, I can keep things friendly for that long.
I got the impression it was a longer ride. What type of motorcycle? I have honda shadow. It is covered in snow. Almost rode it 2 days ago...spring is almost here.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Its a 5 minute ride, I can keep things friendly for that long.
I got the impression it was a longer ride. What type of motorcycle? I have honda shadow. It is covered in snow. Almost rode it 2 days ago...spring is almost here.
I have a Harley road king 2006 vintage
Supposed to be almost 70 here this next week, summer and motorcycles go together well in the northwest
Last edited by LB55; 03/14/1910:27 PM.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Ok uneventful trip to get the bike. Some nice small talk, she started in on how hurt her feelings were by me not supporting her startup business and this and that. I just validated with I can see how that would be tough and so forth.
Then it shifted to money; more listening but I didn’t validate her feelings that I was squeezing them financially, just listened.
She kept wanting to talk more and more, I ended it and had to get home with the bike. Have to go back and get my son for dinner tonight. Going to get him some baseball pants and have a dinner just the two of us.
Overall it was a neutral conversation. Faced the fear and it worked out. I told her I was a bit worried, she said she was too, but we both were able to agree the facing our fear is the right answer. Keep on doing what I do.
Was fun to ride the bike! It’s been 15 months since I was on it. It’s super dirty but I left it on a battery tender and it fired right up for me. Will be nice to use it to have some GAL now.
Last edited by LB55; 03/15/1912:23 AM.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Wow I went to little league today and I made it through but couldn’t hold it in any longer once I got home.
I was very involved in little league, had lots of friends there and we as a family did lots with the local teams and league. I haven’t been there since she chose this for us, and it was really hard to go there and not be a family any longer. I came home and just cried and am still pretty emotional. Thought I was doing ok with all this. Very hard day. She is very happy to ensure everyone of our friends knows that this is what we wanted and is best for us. I want them to know it’s not what I wanted nor what I think is best; i am not going to stir the pot there though. Not the right time or place as that’s about the kids and not us. She seems to just want everyone to know how awesome she is and how amazing her life is and that she is just so happy without me. I know I need to let it go and not be emotionally involved anymore but it’s jsut hard.
Haven’t had a tough day in a while, today is definitely tough.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Thanks R2C. I need to repeat that mantra to myself regularly.
A good day today to counteract yesterday. Got up, made a good breakfast, got cleaned up and went to church, then got home and detailed the Harley(it was bad!), Then took it for a nice 90 minute ride, weather is gorgeous today and supposed to be about 70 the next few days. Definitely not in riding shape, got to build up to it.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Well all progress lost. W had ameeting with her L and we are back to square one.
She now wants me to provide all previously listed amounts, she is now asking for backpay to the date she filed for all bills and utilities that she paid for to live at the house. That I was restrained from living in. This is so stupid.
Has it in her head that she is entitled to everything we have and I should t have anything because this is my fault.
Back to the lawyers for all communication.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Sorry to hear this. I am not surprised. Best thing you can do is understand your legal rights. The lawyers will try and get as much money from you as they can. PIA
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Nice! I have 4 bikes, one of them is an 07 Street Glide. Such an awesome highway ride!
Originally Posted by LB55
Well all progress lost. W had ameeting with her L and we are back to square one.
She now wants me to provide all previously listed amounts, she is now asking for backpay to the date she filed for all bills and utilities that she paid for to live at the house. That I was restrained from living in. This is so stupid.
Has it in her head that she is entitled to everything we have and I should t have anything because this is my fault.
Back to the lawyers for all communication.
Good grief! Unfortunately this isn't that unusual, WAS's will hold the olive branch out and then yank it away, throw it on the ground and stomp on it. She's hellbent on "punishing" you but she's really fired all her bullets at this point and the magazine is empty. And you are still standing.
