Thank you! You know it's funny but after reading No More Mister Nice Guy whenever someone tells me I'm nice or great or something I always want to quickly reply "NO I'M NOT"
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I have kind of messed up though already.
Don't sweat it, no one thing got you to this place in your M and no one thing is going to ruin your recon chances either.
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so I blurted out that we should go out ourselves. She said fine ,she I said hope your day was good so far , she said it was a bit “bittty” and slow . I said ok gotta get to work and said Catch you later .
That's OK, it's fine to go, just don't have any expectations that it means anything.
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I wish I hadn’t offered as I was planning on having an early night , and now I have to act if , he the best version of me whilst my heart is broken with the woman I adore who has rejected me . I will have to remind myself of zero expectations and just enjoy it as best I can .
Yes exactly. Just remember, that's a reflection of how she feels right NOW, it could change in a few months or year. So take a long-term view, you may very well recon down the road. Lots of LBS's have reconciled but every single one of them thought at some point that it was all over.
So last night went well , we had a good time , we even danced !!! Later on she got a text of about 60 words , she replied with one word about 6 or 8 characters and then her mood took a turn downwards . I tried to get her to dance again and I said dance with me and say goodbye. She said not to this song . It was getting late so carried on small jokes etc and mentioned that we should think about how to market our home . She has made intimations about long term things , but I am not sleeping in the small guest room forever whilst she continues to decide forever
Look my friend if you don't know you need to do some soul searching because only you know how you are showing up in the R. Start with the most basic thing that you dislike about yourself or want to change and begin there. Are you fat? Are you lazy? Do you earn a decent living? If you have kids what kind of a parent are you? How do you dress? Does your W wear the pants? Are you a "YES" man? Do you stand up for yourself? Have you put your W on a pedestal? Are you depressed? Do you make her laugh? Do you respect her? Do you make time for her? Are you truthful with her? Can she TRUST you?
You said you checked out of your marriage and you have a drinking problem. How did you check out of your marriage? It sounds like from what I have read you have told her you would do certain things in the past and did not follow through on your word. If that is the case can she trust you and feel secure in your relationship?
Yes you are right , I have been doing the things now that I should have been doing . She has been sending pics of the path I built etc to her friends and family. I have also fixed a couple of things that she doesn’t know about yet . I am soldiering on dood , I guess in my moments of weakness I post here and obviously I don’t post when I am galing or doing my business
Good for you it's a start but you will need to do more than just fix some things around the house.
It's good that you have done some things that she doesn't know about yet. Good, don't tell her. Let her find out when she finds out. You don't want to give her the impression you are doing these things for her in order to win her back.
How else are you showing up in the R? Can she trust you? Can she feel secure with you?
She did say a couple of days ago that she trusts me . It came out of the blue and was concerning me not drinking. I do appreciate your guidance btw , been valuable. She saw me as her hero that would save her . Sorting things out for her . She hides from certain things , for example she wouldn’t read an email from an angry client whose order she had messed up , I said I would read it for her and help her retrieve the situation. It wasn’t bad and we got it sorted . She expects help with her car , but no opportunity for that yet . I validate her when she complains about her work all the time ( which I didn’t before)
Off to the gym later , I always feel better afterwards, looking at getting a sunbed session and getting a corn removed from my foot Saturday. Need to go shopping and get some new clothes and shoes .
Friday painting the garage , new battery for my car . I am by nature very honest. The security is an issue I guess , I did check out on her after all . She knows I don’t bad mouth her or put her down . I also keep my word . So I understand she should have doubts , I guess I just have to keep on . TB i truly appreciate your time and input in helping me btw
