Tryhard. I guarantee that if you stick to DBing principles, this will end positively for you. Whether or not it save your marriage or not. The beauty of DBing is that it prepares you for the next phase of your life. Whether that includes your W or not. DBing is about saving yourself, and sometimes it has the side-effect that it saves your marriage too.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I do get that , but I’m not even 1 month in and I am wondering if the dB principals being preached here actually align with the dr book , for example I am making great baby steps , ok I have been impatient most of the time , but we spend time together and enjoy it . I just need to get that attraction/ respect back . Don’t forget I was in effect the wah and she was the lbs
Tryhard, most our sitches occurred because we, the LBS, checked out of the marriage. WAS isn't someone that checks out, it the person that either wants to leave, get a D and/or has another person.
DB principles DO apply to your sitch. Back off, give her time and space, GAL, detach, and 180 on your bad behavior. This helps you become a man only a fool would leave. The question is whether or not she'll be a fool or not. You have no control over that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I feel that the techniques are more aimed at removal of love for the spouse to protect the lbs
This is not true Tryhard. All that you do in DBing should be done in love. Many think that disciplining children is the opposite of loving them. I disagree Not disciplining children is the opposite of loving them. IE we discipline them because we love them. We DB because we love our WAS. Yes it does protect the LBS too. But if you are DBing from a place other than love then you are probably doing it wrong.
You 180'd on your behavior out of love. You should lovingly detach from her because it isn't fair to the your W to put your happiness on her shoulders. And you GAL to give them the time and space they need because you love them.
If you 180 out of spite, if you detach out of spite, if you GAL out of spite, it will come off as manipulative and controlling. Don't do that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Oh I have made that perfectly clear , I am 90% sure that in the last 2-3 weeks there is no om . My main aim is what she has told me , 180 on my bad behaviour and gain weight
