You will have to refinance and pay her. Go talk to a lawyer asap.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Been a while since I've posted. W's attorney sent me the settlement agreement a couple weeks ago. W and I discussed it and agreed to make changes to it. Nothing major so it shouldn't be a problem. She told me nearly two weeks ago she would have her attorney make the changes and I haven't heard a word about it from her or her attorney. Honestly I've reached a point where I don't care anymore. I've had some good conversations with my parents about everything and I'm in a much better place now.
W and I haven't talked about anything other than the agreement and the kids in weeks. I actually feel good where everything is at the moment. The space has helped me tremendously. I haven't had a low day in weeks. I've reached the point where I've let go and realize nothing I do related to our MR matters because it's completely up to her to come back or not. At this point I'll be ok either way. I've been tackling things around that house that have needed to be done for a while.
Whatever happens will happen regardless of what I do so I've stopped giving any time or thoughts to my MR and have been focusing on me and my kids.
I've decided to take out a HELOC and pay her with that rather than refinance. The interest rate on my loan is too good to consider refinancing and my bank offers HELOCs that allow you to make principal and interest payments during the draw period so I would immediately start paying down the principal. I ran the numbers and I would end up paying roughly the same if I refinanced, but I would be starting the mortgage over and I want the house paid off before I retire.
I've decided to take out a HELOC and pay her with that rather than refinance. The interest rate on my loan is too good to consider refinancing and my bank offers HELOCs that allow you to make principal and interest payments during the draw period so I would immediately start paying down the principal. I ran the numbers and I would end up paying roughly the same if I refinanced, but I would be starting the mortgage over and I want the house paid off before I retire.
Nice. Is she not on the title and current mortgage?
I'm in a interesting head space right now. I have reached a point where everything W does annoys me to no end. Things that I looked passed when we were together really bother me. I also find myself not attracted to her in any way. My anger and fear are gone and I am looking forward to my future. I will be signing the finalized separation agreement in the next week and at that point for all intents and purposes we're done. I have reached the point where I am fine with that. If she came to me right now and said she wanted to fix this, I don't know that I would want to. I don't want to be with someone that doesn't love me and who can just walk out on a marriage the way she did.
I am focused solely on me and my kids and our future. I look forward to eventually meeting someone who will love me for me and not walk away when things get tough.
Just remember we call this a roller coaster for a reason. You are at the top of the roller coaster right now making the slow ascent to the first big drop. Fasten your seat belt my friend.
I have reached the point where I am fine with that. If she came to me right now and said she wanted to fix this, I don't know that I would want to. I don't want to be with someone that doesn't love me and who can just walk out on a marriage the way she did.
6 months post-BD is a really short amount of time to have moved on already, but it's different for different people so maybe you have. I would just caution to wait a while before you jump back into dating and make sure you really are over her. Good luck!
