Being strong

[TBSakaJ9]

Well I don't know that I helped you any as the only thing that you indicated you needed to do was fix some stuff around the house and that you guess you checked out on her.

Part of this process is self-reflection and maybe you have you just are not good at articulating it.

Best of luck.

[Tryhard]

Ok I guess I know the answer to this but I suspect she is going to meet om , I am going to check and verify,

[Tryhard]

I did check up and she was with SD . I should have trusted her . She told me tonight she is going to stay with her cousin on Friday night ....so another trigger for me to deal with . So there is probably a chance that I am being a fool and being a gay bff whilst she does her clandestine stuff . That would bring me down with a crash. I was going to ask advice about attraction but I think she is stopping to protect herself which I understand and it makes sense. I know it isn’t easy for her so I have to bear my pain and soldier on and be patient

[Tryhard]

So we are having many positive interactions , we shared a family meal where we all talked like a family and were all engaged. I said I wanted us to be a proper family again . Small to an fro texts as she was doing a presentation she was worried about. And then we go to our separate bedrooms...... I feel as if we are moving very slowly forward. I asked if she had any plans for the weekend and suggested we meet up with a couple of friends for an event. She said it would be better to do for my birthday in 2 weeks . She said she might go and stay with her cousin on Friday night . I have lots to do on Saturday regarding my car and getting paint and other sundries for the house . Tonight I am going bowling with an old friend. I will continue to endure BUT. I will remind her of my boundary of no OM . I will also ask afterwards as she doesn’t lie very well and panics , so I guess I will know , I understand patience is needed but it is hard and my work is beginning to be affected . If anyone can suggest anything I would appreciate it !!

[Tryhard]

As I was reading the discussion on choppys thread , I should say F now always leaves her phone or shows my what she is messaging, been one odd occasion where I saw her being sneaky , but that could have been anything, I am sure she must be communicating with someone about her situation

[AnotherStander]

I said I wanted us to be a proper family again .

Don't get too pushy/ desperate. Just let things unfold. No R talks AT ALL!

And then we go to our separate bedrooms...... I feel as if we are moving very slowly forward.

That's good, but look at them as baby steps that are a result of good DB'ing. This is not the time to abandon what you've learned.

I asked if she had any plans for the weekend and suggested we meet up with a couple of friends for an event.

Slow down! Sounds like you're being too pushy.

I will continue to endure BUT. I will remind her of my boundary of no OM . I will also ask afterwards as she doesn’t lie very well and panics , so I guess I will know , I understand patience is needed but it is hard and my work is beginning to be affected . If anyone can suggest anything I would appreciate it !!

I would suggest not doing that. She knows what your boundary is, you don't have to keep reminding her. The more you remind her the more angry and frustrated she will get at your lack of trust. You've got to give her time and space.

[Tryhard]

Thanks , I knew the answer , just had to be 2x4 on my thick head again !! . Thanks AS

[Tryhard]

So here I am again on the rollercoaster . Happy then sad and empty . When I am with her it is fine , we have fun , she talks a lot ( about herself) we get along then go to bed separately and wake up alone and soldier on through the day . I know it’s early and only been almost 3 weeks since I woke up . I guess it’s nust more waiting and not knowing what she is doing. I don’t want to ask her so I have to suggest things to do together once in a while rather than just staying in together almost suggested going away for a weekend together, but that would be crazy at this stage and would make her feel uncomfortable. More time and space whilst she decides.....

[Tryhard]

So no contact, she just phoned for help on her laptop . It felt good to hear her and so much of me wanted to ask her on a date night ... but didn’t. Gym after work and see then I guess



This is all going to end badly isn’t it ? Looking at other people’s threads I see all the false hope and the aftermath, so depressing

[LH19]

TH,

Just because it ends in divorce doesn't mean it is necessarily going to end badly.

It's one chapter out of a thousand chapter book. You get to decide the ending.