Settling In (LB55 Thread 3)

[LB55]

Just a quick update. Not much has changed with W and her stance. Everything is my fault and blah blah blah. She tried picking a fight with me in the driveway a couple days ago while I was dropping the kids off. Telling me how I’d be less angry if I would just give her what she wants and we can both move on. She said something about how this is my fault and I should take responsibility for my actions.

I did something I’ve never done before. I replied ‘goodnight’. I walked to my truck and I drove away. She yelled ‘I guess you are going to force me to take you to court, huh?” As I was walking away. Closed the door and drove away. No communication since then.

I’ve never walked away from her before I would just stand there and take it. I’m proud of myself for not needing the last word and for walking away from a no win situation.

Supposedly we are going back to court next week. My attitude is lets get it done. This has drug on too long and I am at the acceptance part of this and ready to get on with my life without her drama and stress. The kids love coming to my house, they have both told me they would rather live here; that’s not possible legally nor practically right now. It’s. Not best for them to have to get up at 430Am for a babysitter before school. Another year and a half and that might change we will see. My work schedule could be way different then because I would be moving to a new job with better hours while still serving. We will see.

Been going out a couple nights a week; riding the motorcycle other days, little league umpiring, so things are good. Not on here too much because I’m busy, which is a good thing for me. I’ll post updates as things change.

[Tryhard]

Supposedly we are going back to court next week. My attitude is lets get it done. This has drug on too long and I am at the acceptance part of this and ready to get on with my life without her drama and stress. The kids love coming to my house, they have both told me they would rather live here; that’s not possible legally nor practically right now. It’s. Not best for them to have to get up at 430Am for a babysitter before school. Another year and a half and that might change we will see. My work schedule could be way different then because I would be moving to a new job with better hours while still serving. We will see.

Been going out a couple nights a week; riding the motorcycle other days, little league umpiring, so things are good. Not on here too much because I’m busy, which is a good thing for me. I’ll post updates as things change.

That is how to do it nice GAL , I am in awe of you , knock ‘em dead

[Ready2Change]

I did something I’ve never done before. I replied ‘goodnight’. I walked to my truck and I drove away. She yelled ‘I guess you are going to force me to take you to court, huh?” As I was walking away. Closed the door and drove away. No communication since then.

Well done!

[LB55]

Just a quick update. Went back to court, have temp orders now, but I filed a motion to amend them because it’s been so long since the hearing that things have changed a lot financially. So we will be going back again Friday. Her lawyer refused to amend them before filing, claiming that was against the law. It is t but he wouldn’t budge.

W continues to yo-yo between reasonable bordering on nice and raging crazy wants to see me dead so she can take mylife insurance lady. One thing that is consistent day to day...this is my fault. It’s my fault that we have to get divorced, it’s my fault the kids are upset, it’s my fault she needs more money, etc.

It’s even my fault that my son struck out in a baseball game last week. He struck out because of how I was sitting in the stands. Evidently I was sitting in a mean way and it distracted him so much that he struck out. That’s what W told me anyway. How does she come up with this stuff?

I am trying to move forward, this whole thing still makes me angry. Not everyday, but some days. Yesterday and today I’m prettyworked up about the whole thing. My life is stressful as it is, especially at work, and now adding in home, family, kids, money, and divorce stress, it’s tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel and that fear of the unknown is upsetting. Working to detach but she is playing war with me and using the kids as pawns in it. I refuse to fight back in that way but it’s upsetting.

Not much else to report, will update after the amendment hearing on Friday.

[Ready2Change]

Toughest thing you will most like go through. Keep standing your ground on what is right.

[AnotherStander]

It’s even my fault that my son struck out in a baseball game last week. He struck out because of how I was sitting in the stands. Evidently I was sitting in a mean way and it distracted him so much that he struck out. That’s what W told me anyway. How does she come up with this stuff?

I've been here a while and read hundreds of sitches and your W definitely ranks in the top 5 most memorable on the crazy scale. She may even be number one. I don't know what happened to her but it just defies explanation. You would think she'd be happy to see you there supporting your son but no, there's literally nothing you can do that results in anything but contempt, hatred and resentment from her. All you can do is keep being you and leave her riding on the Crazytown Express.

I am trying to move forward, this whole thing still makes me angry.

Of course it does. You are human! Don't try to fight those feelings, find healthy outlets for them.

Working to detach but she is playing war with me and using the kids as pawns in it. I refuse to fight back in that way but it’s upsetting.

At the end of the day you will be able to stand tall knowing you handled yourself throughout with the utmost dignity, and that will earn you respect from everyone (even her eventually). I definitely have a ton of respect for you and I've never even met you. Hang in there, you're doing great.

[LB55]

AS,

Yes the crazy train is in full runaway train mode. That’s amazing to me that this is a top 5 memorable case. It’s killing me. Not the kind of memories I am into making.

I am trying to get all my stuff done for the court, showing compliance with all their junk they want me to do. I am keeping my mindset on the ‘right by would I want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me?’ mantra. It works for me.

This very much feels like it’s more about punishing me than it is about divorcing me. She keeps saying via her lawyer to the court that I am bullying her and not being fair to her in any way. You’ve seen the numbers above, you’ve seen the story of how this unfolded; it’s only my side but you make that decision. She told me in an email the other day that this is about me not respecting her and she is going to need to feel respected before she can proceed. This sounds like those people on tv demanding respect when they haven’t done anything to earn it. She had every ounce of my respect for years. Staying home with the kids while I was deployed. Taking care of the house while I was deployed. Finances, cooking, cleaning, parenting, being mom and dad at the same time. It’s all part of being a military spouse. Respect those that you know in your life. It’s a hard job too.

I cannot understand. I have mostly stopped trying to. The scientist part of me wants to figure out why. The practical part of me knows I never will and getting out ASAP is the best answer. This angry cycle she needs to keep going must stop. I will fight for what’s right but I will sacrifice to get it over with sooner. I still haven’t been to the house to get any of my stuff, I have what she left for me in storage. The amended orders we are filing on Friday should allow me to go get my things.

Her lawyer is just a greedy POS. He tried arguing that rental house income isn’t income because it’s not from a job. What an idiot. She is getting $3425/month from rental homes but that shouldn’t count as income to calculate child support and maintenance. We just have to make sure our case is bulletproof and he will get steamrolled. I’d don’t hate my W. Her lawyer...he is a liar and I would treat him to the same treatment Bin Laden got it I could. He could careless if I ever saw my kids again so long as he gets paid. Heartless pile of crap.

[Ready2Change]

The lawyers play their games to get as much cash from two emotional people as possible.


You have handled this sitch better than most here.


I feel for you. I am not a law expert, but I know there are claims/counter claims and objections. Many people settle without being ordered by a judge which then becomes the legal order.


I read all the child support and divorce statutes here in CO. I was going to hold hard during some of my later negotiations, but then I got "pro-se" written into the agreement. I bent on the child support to get the lawyers out future negotiations.


I recommend doing as much research as you can. Lawyers also play with words. Find legal definitions of income. Find other cases. I am just throwing ideas out there.

[LB55]

We finally have some temp orders, I still don’t agree with them but they are better than before. I have to keep telling myself they are temporary and will get the rest of this moving forward.

I have been able to get some things from the house, still got a ways to go on that. It’s amazing how much work she can do around our acre lot with her two bum knees that have kept her inside reading romance novels for the last few years. All the neighbors chipping in to help her because of this tough spot she has been subjected to. Such absurdity.

We are at least able to talk, so long as the topic doesn’t shift to money. She told me the other day she thinks a fair and equitable distribution of our assets is me keeping my military retirement and her keeping all 3 homes we own. Basically her portion of my retirement would be about $750/month and she currently gets $3425/month in rental income. Sounds fair and equitable right? Just had to be do be right there.

I am traveling for work stuff for the next 3 weeks, saying goodbye to the kids really tore me up last night. They were fighting because they knew they had to go back. It was just as hard as leaving back at thanksgiving when she told me to stay somewhere else. I shouldn’t have left then, but that’s in the past. I had such a vivid dream the other night, we were talking, happy, hugging, I could smell her hair scent, felt so good to have that physical contact, then I woke up to a truck beeping as it backed up to the grocery store loading dock.

Ugh. This whole work for 12 hours then make it to baseball and eat and shower and sleep plan is making it tough I do anything but brood unhappiness. I rarely have time to do something I want to do unless I skip seeing my son play ball.

[LB55]

Not much change in the situation, doing ok here. Doing my best to GAL and be a Dad.

Got a regular Monday night event with some guys from work, that is a good thing. Got back on the field yesterday as a football referee, got a couple more games before the end of spring football. Will pick that back up again in the fall. Put 700 miles on the Harley in the past couple weeks.

Still working to get my house together, need to buy a table, kids and I are tired of eating on the couch or the floor.

I'm getting closer to the point of not having a reaction when she tells me things like 'I have plans Friday night, so make sure you pick up the kids on time'. I have my reaction in the truck, and I yell at her there, by myself, and get it out, but she can't get a rise out of me anymore on much of anything, she keeps poking and prodding to see if she can. Picking a fight with me has been her way to keep power over me, since I would apologize for whatever she blamed me for every time.

Ready to be done with the process, so the proverbial noose around my neck can be removed. She likes having that power over me and controlling my finances via the court. It will be over soon enough.

Starting to get interest from other women. Hard to not cave and just start a new relationship, given that its been 18 months since I lived at home, even though its only been 5 months since she filed.