How have you or how did you keep the energy up when you may have wanted to give up and you win file and I'll sign. Some days its just plain lonely wo the affection except from the kids adn it just get old always thinking and waiting to be served or a glimpse of hope to occur.
She would probably ask why I am so un-trusting and tell me that this is part of our issues. Because the kids admit to getting the phone and being caught on it.
How have you or how did you keep the energy up when you may have wanted to give up and you win file and I'll sign. Some days its just plain lonely wo the affection except from the kids adn it just get old always thinking and waiting to be served or a glimpse of hope to occur.
Limbo has been described as "soul sucking" and I have been there and it's maybe the worst feeling I have ever incurred. You think about your kids and what they would think about dad giving up on keeping the family together. When this is over you want to be able to look at the man in the mirror and say you did everything in your power to keep the family together.
Are you exercising, eating healthy and getting enough sleep?
Choppy, agree with LH 100%. Limbo is rough. There are days you feel like throwing in the towel. For me I did things that kept my mind occupied. And I used GAL like a madman. For keeping my mind occupied, work, reading, consulting wth a lawyer, this forum, a very good new friend that I met on another forum that I kept in contact with, consulting with anti-D resources and authors etc.
For GAL, I went to the shooting range a lot. Hung out with friends. Just stayed as busy as possible.
Think about it this way: the more activity you do that is centered on her, the closer you get to pursuit and pressure. The more you do that has nothing to do with her the more time and space you give her. The latter is your friend. The former is the fastest way to push her away.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve 85, something you said the other day to another member on here really stuck out and resonated., the more you leave the WAS alone, and the more you change for yourself. Hopefully, the more the WAS realize over time, that YOU WERENT SOLELY THE PROBLEM. That makes perfect sense because if the LBS isn't around to cause a problem and the WAS is still having problems, obviously the LBS person isn't the problem anymore.
Steve 85, something you said the other day to another member on here really stuck out and resonated., the more you leave the WAS alone, and the more you change for yourself. Hopefully, the more the WAS realize over time, that YOU WERENT SOLELY THE PROBLEM. That makes perfect sense because if the LBS isn't around to cause a problem and the WAS is still having problems, obviously the LBS person isn't the problem anymore.
IHC, this is exactly right. WASs are notorious for blaming all the problems in their life on the LBS. By giving them time and space they CAN learn that their problems have nothing to do with the LBS. Unfortunately sometimes that takes separation and D for the WAS to understand that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm staying busy with part of the remodel of one of bathrooms, sailing on Sundays, running and playing with my boys. But I feel bad taking time to myself and one of her issues she mentioned was more family time in one of our lists of changes we would like to see made. She has her time with crafts with girlfriends and volleyball but it is hard for me to not feel bad to take time for some thing I enjoy almost every Sunday.
After reading this post something smack me upside the head with GAL and detaching. Many of you men and women alike, I'm sure that when you first met your spouse you were confident, strong, independent, unattached, etc. You obviously have the ability to attract them then. Overtime people do change they grow in different ways and sometimes apart. However.... What's smack me upside the head is, even though I intellectually got it on here from what everyone has stated, I'd like to make an attempt to piece it together a little bit better.
I still have yet to get to a place where I am not only the person that I was when I first met my wife but also a new and improved version of myself and redefining myself and how I interact with people who I am how I think what my mindset is excetera.
when people say on here that it didn't get this way overnight and sure isn't going to change for the better overnight. I think what they're trying to say is this.....
Even though it's very difficult because we all form codependency and Addictions on other people in our lives especially our spouses. What we think about consumes us, our thoughts, our emotions, etc. So when you actually GAL, do the work in therapy, detach, and put the focus on you. That increases your ability and efficiency to change. Collaboratively if you examine your past relationships and you see patterns of how you contributed to the downfall of them. If you can change those habits, you will present yourself to your spouse in a new light, perception, and attraction of old and new. I think the mindset of most of the WAS, is that they are convinced that you cannot change and the things that have been detrimental to the relationship will never change so they must end it and must leave for they must find someone else depending on whether they are Wayward or not. They will reinvent themselves depending on their desire to change or whether someone outside the marriage influences them to change. Some people have the chameleon effect we're all of a sudden they will start trying out a lot of new things because of outside influences. or some people may have requested their hopes and dreams for so long and have decided to fulfill them that they leave the marriage dead.
I understand the single life can feel lonely sometimes in desperate. But also trying to imagine the excitement and adventure, growth and change that it brought. Have you ever noticed that people make the most significant changes in their life when they decide to end a relationship? this is where the whole mindset of letting them go and rebuilding yourself to save the marriage, is built-in based upon atfraction, and increases your best chances. this is why you don't go in with the mindset of saving the marriage as you will just become more frustrated as some of us have mistakenly for some time.
A lot of the WAS are at this point not because they want to save the marriage but they legitimately feel like they tried, throughout the course of the whole marriage even though it feels like they didn't from our perspective I'm sure. What if you were just a Friendly Stranger enjoying their life, and you just happen to be meeting your spouse again for the first time. How would you act around them? Knowing what you knew then, and how you acted then and knowing what you know now? Somewhat friendly but detached but with boundaries right?
Here's another question for you? If you were to decide to go on a first date with someone right now. how would you act in front of them you probably put on your best self wouldn't you? Because it's new. What if every day was new? what if you didn't have to carry around the baggage from the past anymore? what if every day you did something just a little bit different than the last? What if you were able to interrupt with strategic planning interrupt the moments that you felt pain from all this? because there are patterns to your thoughts, your triggers, and your emotions. Journal them and find the patterns the best that you can and try and interrupt them.
