I didn’t break him so I can’t fix him. It’s up to him to do the hard work on himSELF.
Same thing, He did not break you, it is up to you to do the hard work on yourself.
I wish you well
Absolutely! Thanks Ready2Change!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Happy Easter to all those that celebrate this holiday.
I wanted to provide an update regarding my H and the job(s) he applied for out of state, he didn’t get any of the positions that he applied for. They stated he wasn’t qualified for the positions. Of course as he tells me this, he says but I know I’m qualified for the positions. I just listened and kept it moving. He says he’s planning to keep looking for positions and applying for them. Again, I just listened and kept it moving.
Other than that, I’m still doing me. Still focusing on “me” and getting used to my “new normal”.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I am not gonna waste keystrokes talking about your H, because what matters is how absolutely delightful it is to read how well you are doing. I remember the beginning of your journey on this site. To see that transformation take place, and to see were it lead you, is fantastic. Keep going on that path of yours, it will lead you to many happy places im sure.
Stay strong, stay safe, and BE happy.
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
I am not gonna waste keystrokes talking about your H, because what matters is how absolutely delightful it is to read how well you are doing. I remember the beginning of your journey on this site. To see that transformation take place, and to see were it lead you, is fantastic. Keep going on that path of yours, it will lead you to many happy places im sure.
Stay strong, stay safe, and BE happy.
Hurt213,
Thank you so much! I truly appreciate it. Happy Easter to you as well. I take things one day at a time but I’m so glad I’m not where I was when I first landed on this forum. Living my life!
Hugs!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I thought I would give an update on my sitch. I can’t believe my last post was almost a month ago. I’ve been here though, reading the great advice given to others.
I’ve been taking things one day and one emotion at a time. I have good days and and I have bad days. I’ve learned to just embrace the bad days. When I do have bad days, I no longer allow myself to curl up in the fetal position in my bed. No I force myself to get up and do something. Something to take my mind off things if only for an hour. That has really been working.
I’m trying to get better with the workouts. However, one thing I need to get better at is time management. So this weekend I’m writing out a schedule for next week. My goal is to fit some time in to workout at least 3 times next week. I’m hoping by managing my time better, I’ll be able to fit working out on more. It’s all about priorities.
I miss my family who lives back in my home state. My mother, my sisters, my nieces and nephews, and other immediate family members. I’ve decided that me and the kids will take a trip back home in July. It will be so good to get some unconditional love from my family.
I’m still trying to accept the fact that my M is over. Some days are easier than others. It’s hard to come up with a new plan for your future when you thought you had it all planned out. Life is so unpredictable. However, I’m definitely continuing on working on myself. That’s one of the positive things I’ve found in all of this. This situation, although hurtful, has allowed me to really focus on myself. I’m actually grateful for the journey. It’s not easy but I know that it’s necessary.
As for my H, nothing has changed with him (as far as I can tell). We still live under the same roof. He’s still trying to find a way to run away and I’m not holding him back from that. He has a lot of work to do on himself. He has his own journey to take. There is NOTHING I can do for him. I am civil with him when we interact. I’m not rude and never want to come off as bitter. Am I still angry with certain things he’s done? Sure, but I’m not going to walk around acting angry. I don’t want to give him any reasons to justify what he’s done.
I still find it nuts that for someone who claims he wants out of the marriage, he still tries to peruse me. However, I’ve accepted that will never make sense to me. I’ve cut him completely off. No intimacy or I love you’s. I haven’t told him I love him in probably 6 months.
The only thing I discuss with him is finances and the kids. If he comes to me and discusses other things going on in his life (such as work, etc.) I just listen and end the conversation first.
The truth is I don’t see him changing or growing at all. He goes to therapy very sporadically. Like once every month and a half. Then he never really takes the advice the therapist gives him. He just does what he wants. So that’s why I feel it’s best for me to move on with my life. I really don’t see anything with him changing anytime soon. I could be wrong but my gut tells me he’s going to waste years jumping from one temporary high to the next. He’s going to waste years searching for something that should be within. I can’t live my life like that.
So the hardest part in all of this is LETTING GO of someone that you love so much. However, that’s my only option or I will let this drive me insane. I refuse to go insane. Lol. I decided it’s best to let him go, I can’t save him it help him, letting go is the only option. It’s a tough pill to swallow but it is what it is. It’s also what’s best for me.
So there you have it, my update. Sorry it’s so long! Lol!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Sounds like you’re doing well considering your circumstances. Going to visit your family sounds like a great idea!
Keep on keeping on!
Thanks LH19. I’m looking forward to seeing my family as I miss them so much! Thanks so much for the encouragement and well wishes!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I believe we only grow through pain. Your H doesn't feel the lose, so he doesn't feel the pain, so he doesn't grow.
Anyway, thanks for the update. Focus on enjoying every moment. Get to a point where other people do not effect (or affect, I never know which one to use) your happiness.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
It seems we are in a similar place, though different circumstances. This place of trying to let go and not fight it - but learning that letting go has its own pain that changes each day. It's amazing to me the feelings of strength that can live simultaneously with the hurt.
I agree that it is difficult to come up with a new life plan when you thought you had a perfectly beautiful path ahead of you. I have dubbed 2019 my "Year of Yes". I'm making lists and doing things I never have before in an effort to find this new path for myself. I hope you find your new potential paths and say "yes" to something new every day.
You're doing great, despite the hurt and how hard it is. Continue looking ahead and don't turn around to see if H is still there. If he wants to be on this path with you he's gonna have to do some running to catch up.
