WAW says I'm the "perfect husband and partner"

[Jamine]

Thanks for the reply. I think I got caught in between validating, standing my ground, and my emotions, but your reply helped me realign - I replied with almost your exact words.

[Ready2Change]

Thanks for the reply. I think I got caught in between validating, standing my ground, and my emotions, but your reply helped me realign - I replied with almost your exact words.

What was your reply?

[Jamine]

"W, I agree. The way we have been interacting is not healthy for either of us. I wish things were different"

[Ready2Change]

"W, I agree. The way we have been interacting is not healthy for either of us. I wish things were different"

Perfect. That is better.


It is even better if she is not expecting that response from you.

[Jamine]

W definitely isn't expecting that! I can guarantee she expected me to try to start a relationship talk, and potentially try to argue her logic.

[Jamine]

Heard back after that message. W says she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me, and that's why she won't live in the house with me once I'm back.

I didn't expect this, and I kind of feel like it's a nail in the coffin. How do I come back from this? I want to keep hope, but this was hard to hear.

[Ready2Change]

No reply.

[Jamine]

Thanks, Ready2Change. I'm not going to reply to that one, I have no idea what I'd say anyway.

[sandi2]

W says she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me,

This is a very, very typical response when the WW feels pressure lifted. The minute her H agrees to her wishes, she starts saying this type of mush. It means absolutely nothing!

I suggest you let her have the dog. It's not a child, and co-parenting pets just cause opportunities for more hurt.

Brace yourself for her to act like your BFF. It's just a WW's reaction, nothing more. She loves the dog more than you, so don't be tied to her with a pet.

It's difficult, but this is part of it. She is going to take this time & space, whether you agree and accept it or not. I suggest you do nothing to slow her down. I can't remember at the moment if she works, but apparently, she expects financial support from you. Do what the law states, and don't give more than that.....trying to soften her. She'll take as much as she can get. Be smart.

[Jamine]

Sandi,

Thanks for the reply. I'm actually going to keep the dog in the case that we do get divorced, I made that a requirement and she agreed. She's just being ridiculous with the co-parenting comment.

I won't try to slow her down anymore. She does work, and does very well - she makes quite a bit more than I do, and I'm doing fine. We moved to our current location for her career when she finished her doctorate, which I supported her through. She then supported me through some additional school, which led to my new career (started in a new industry last year).

All of this has brought up so much emotion, but I haven't taken any steps backwards with my DBing...it's just getting harder each day.