R2C, wow!! Masterful craftsmanship on the validation. I recall only responding with something similar on a handful of those.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Spring break week with my kids is winding down. We had a real nice beach outing, my W texted when we were there asking which beach we went to and to send pics. I waited a couple hours to respond and sent her a few of the kids.
I went to NCAA basketball yesterday with some good friends and enjoyed the time away.
Came home early this afternoon to find her texting away with various OM again for a few hours. Tried to ignore as best I could by spending time with the kids and working on projects around the house.
Getting close to her separation house closing now on April 1. At least when she moves out her repeated betrayals won’t be so blatant right in front of me.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
My WW is just the same. She denies there being OM, but grins when she says it. He is just a friend lol..
She spent the night there last night and left me with the children. There was no point in her coming back today, as she is so tired ( assume a night of new relationship passion ) - just ignored the children and fell asleep on the sofa.. Sandi hits the nail on the head when she states that WW are just selfish.. My WW moves into her new house next weekend, so one week left for me.. Then i really can focus on me and my children.. Biggest worry is how she will ignore the children when she has them
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Sorry to hear about your W openness with the texting to OM. Focus on your own happiness and being there for the kids. I hear the more blatant the WW is, the easier it makes the LBS detach. People can get so hung up on trying to save the MR that their focus is on the WAS. I think those blatant actions kinda forces you to rethink where to put that focus.
Remember, you're the rock, the sane, civil one right now. Don't let her actions dictate your happiness.
@R2C, thanks pointing out Coach's words and taking Curtis's list of W phrases and spinning it for the better. Really appreciate you and all that you do to help here.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Biggest worry is how she will ignore the children when she has them
Helpme, I read your sitch and not surprisingly we have experienced much of the same behavior from our WWs. It also seems we are on similar timelines with W moving out. While not all the time, I have watched her ignore the kids (plop then in front of the TV for the day) increasingly over the past few months as her smartphone addiction and fantasy life has ramped up.
These are the times when the LBS must pickup the slack in parenting and prioritize our kids. You can do it, they are most important right now and deserve our time and attention.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
I hear the more blatant the WW is, the easier it makes the LBS detach. People can get so hung up on trying to save the MR that their focus is on the WAS. I think those blatant actions kinda forces you to rethink where to put that focus.
Adam, I think this is true in my case. When you see and know what’s going on right in front of your eyes, you realize just how wayward they are. It sort of grounds your expectations and hope when any small signs of improvement are noticed since her words and actions are likely not genuine when she is still engaged in that type of activity. So, from that POV, detachment becomes easier.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
@R2C, thanks pointing out Coach's words and taking Curtis's list of W phrases and spinning it for the better. Really appreciate you and all that you do to help here.
My pleasure. I always assume someone can benefit. We never know who is reading. My job was easier since curtis put them all in one spot. I know there may be better responses, but it give people an idea of different ways to respond.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Removing her from the MB and packing her stuff for her shows her that you know what is going on and you are not going to sit back and accept that your W is sleeping with other men.
I wanted to thank everyone for the help and guidance so far, the support has been incredible.
I have a question on possible consequences for crossing the boundary in my sitch. Since my W is moving out in just over a week, keeping her out of the MBR is going away. What other types of consequences could I consider if she continues to engage in EA/PAs with the OM during the physical separation?
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Unfortunately with her moving out there is really only one consequence left. Filing for divorce. I am guessing you’re not ready for that. The only thing you can do right now is to take the focus off your wife and put the focus on you and your children. Eat right, excercise and start to think about the kind of life you want for you and your children.
