It’s amazing how they all read from the same script. The talk about communication yet when it comes to something as serious as separating or divorce they don’t communicate how angry, mad or upset they feel. At least not in a direct manner. She said to me I couldn’t tell she was upset. It’s kinda hard to tell when we are having a good time together all the time. Or she said she told me that she was upset that I didn’t greet her at the door every time she came home. 2 problems with that 1. I am not a puppy dog. 2. I did say hello to her it just wasn’t the very second she walked in the door. So let get a divorce because I was suppose to know she was unhappy when she never showed it or expressed it or from little things (I understand it meant a lot to her) that are easily fixable. They all seem to read from the same script to go WW. Where is the script to reconcile? Where is our script to bring them back? It just angers me that they are making decisions on emotions instead of logic. Just needed to get some of this off my chest.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I’m not going back home. How many people on here moved out and then went back? Did it really help the situation?
Forget about helping or hurting your situation it is about getting your respect back right now.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Especially if she decides somehow to buy me out or we put the house up for sale.
What does one thing have to do with another?
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Honestly I’m starting to lose feelings for my wife. Did anyone else feel like that? It’s not that I am giving up, I don’t k ow if I want her back after all the hell she has put this family through.
Your BSing yourself right now to try to stop the pain. Also, that is the reason we call it the roller coaster ride.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
If I do go back give me a plan. What do I say, why, setting boundaries.
You say "W I thought about it and this is my house and I attend to live here until it is sold or you buy me out".
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I know I stink at this that’s why I am here. I need all the help I can get.
You stink at it because you don't want to put any effort into it. You don't know the DB basics, you moved out when things got tough etc. I am not going to BS you Wolfy you are most likely going to get divorced. It's up to you how you come out on the other side when it's over.
They all seem to read from the same script to go WW. Where is the script to reconcile?
You let her go. Give her time and space to figure out that maybe you were not the reason she was unhappy. You work on yourself. You exercise your mind, body and soul everyday. You become interesting with new hobbies, mysterious financially independent and she will notice. Then just maybe she may be interested in reconciliation. If not it doesn't matter because you are so awesome other woman will want a piece of the wolfman.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
It just angers me that they are making decisions on emotions instead of logic. Just needed to get some of this off my chest.
That's because you don't understand woman. I would suggest you start learning by reading How to be a 3% man by Corey Wayne.
Wolfman, I agree with LH. I used to wonder why women have to be so complex. But the real question I should have been asking is why are men so simple?
I was like that too. I would purposely not meet her at the door because, well, I wasn't getting some of my needs met. I like how Dr. Phil puts it....how did that work for you?
Now I bend over backwards to meet her needs. Even the simple ones that I think shouldn't matter. It matters to her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
LH thank you for your honesty. I brought up about moving back in because if she buys me out in a week or 2 what would be the point? I would have to move out again anyway. But I definitely here what you are saying. Going back to my home, I assume I take back the MBR? Then she will saying I’m controlling, which she complained I was in the past. Not listening to her. I definitely need to earn my respect back because when I was there I was playing Mr. Niceguy. Moving out then moving back in she will think I am all over the place mentally. Not that I should care what she thinks. Moving in and taking back the MBR would be a huge 180. I want to say one thing, I know you all are going to rip me and please do. Being out of the home has made it easier to detach. I want to do what works!!! If moving in is my “best” chance at reconciling then I will do it.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Moving into your own new place that is setup for your kids is different then moving into your parents house.
I can tell my teenagers to use protection if they have sex. They can argue with me all they want about why they shouldn't. I know what the natural consequences of both choices are.
You have everyone here telling you to use a condom, and you keep asking what is the point.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
It sounds like all of us LBS' have gone through almost the same sequence of events and listened to the same rationale for irrational emotional decisions by WW's. It is absolutely appalling that W's let it fester so long and then BD us without even a serious conversation that they are approaching such a decision. It's like something clicks overnight where they make a choice that the M is over and no longer worth putting in any effort to reconcile. In my case, I believe it was a combination of W's depression/unhappiness, EA with co-worker, and IC conclusions that led her down a path that her H was/is the root cause of all of the problems in her life, and so begins re-writing history.
Curtis, those are so close to my case. No communication. Depression. New job and EA with co-worker, I am her enemy, rewriting history, are in my wive's script too
Same problem, same words, and same actions here too, minus the PA. Can someone please explain to me here why women ruminate on things for so long, re write history, say that they tried everything to wake us up for so many years, and hope that we could read their minds and social cues?
Does anyone ever notice the dynamics of that women never threaten divorce or announce unhappiness until they reached the point to where they are done. Rather than doing preventive maintenance and coming to their men and say listen these are the in the problems with in the marriage that I'm having with you, can we work on this because it's affecting our marriage, and I don't want to be forced to give you up? Why don't most women ever approach that way, and stew and ruminate on things?
I brought up about moving back in because if she buys me out in a week or 2 what would be the point? I would have to move out again anyway.
At minimum it will take 6 months before you would have to move out.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Going back to my home, I assume I take back the MBR?
Yes
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Then she will saying I’m controlling, which she complained I was in the past. Not listening to her. I definitely need to earn my respect back because when I was there I was playing Mr. Niceguy.
How is that controlling? You move back into the bedroom and let her know she is welcome to stay or she can move out or move into the guest room.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Moving out then moving back in she will think I am all over the place mentally. Not that I should care what she thinks.
Exactly. Who gives a $hit what she thinks.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I want to say one thing, I know you all are going to rip me and please do. Being out of the home has made it easier to detach.
Wolfy, if I had to bet your entire life you took the easy way out? This is the hardest thing you will probably ever do.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I want to do what works!!! If moving in is my “best” chance at reconciling then I will do it.
Realistically it is your best chance to reconcile.
Wolf. I'm in a world of [censored] emotionally being around the W in the IHS. W totally resents me for taking back the MBR as a big FU!. I did it on the night I was supposed to move into the basement from the guest room. As advice from everyone here. W perspective is I moved back at the last minute and force her to leave the MBR, because she thinks I do everything at the last minute and I'm vindictive and manipulative. But whatever that's her opinion and I don't care. That's my truth. When she asks what my reasons were for doing it. I told her this is the master bedroom this is the marital bed you're the one that wants to leave the marriage I like it here and I'm staying here. I gave you the option to stay or go into the guest room or anywhere else in the house. Now granted this is not working in my favor. But let me ask you something? if you were the one that wanted to leave the marriage would you ask your wife to get out of the house or move into a separate part of the house? It's amazing how women feelings stealing ruminate over the years and then they bomb drop us, instead of proactively working with us and working on changes together. I do know a lot of us men can be prideful and stubborn I know I have been in the past. But still... if you were the one leaving the marriage would you ask your wife to move out or moving any other part of the house? it's not the right thing to do and we both know it based on principle, furthermore we are men we protect our wife we protect our family and we protect our house, regardless of what W thinks of us. they can think we're being hard-nosed or spiteful or manipulative or whatever they want to believe, but we have our principles and values and beliefs and they have theirs and their feelings. so if they're the ones that want to leave then let them take the space and time to sort out their feelings. Why in the world would you want to enable anyone that wants to leave who is free to leave to give them everything they want and them going in that direction I'm not saying put up resistance but I'm saying don't help them along with it. Like everyone here says if they want out let them do the heavy lifting
