Wolfman. Im certained we all have a massive amount of problems outside our spouses, and inside our homes that get carried over between the people that are closest to us physically, and in some cases emotionally. I guess this is life and we have to roll with the punches. These panic attacks suck. I get them occaisionallu, but they are mild compared to others. I hope your W is ok and feeling a little better.
This is life and we have no choice but to deal with it in the moment.
If I was to list all of mine and my WAW current problems, inside and outside influences, and circumstances of our own families, all the financial, career, housing, marital and psychological issues, that have cropped up over the last 10 years. People would probably either read it, and ignore it, because it is to elaborative and negative full of dysfunction, and lack of proper coping mechanisms. Or would probably say holy $hit! This is really a significant amount of issues. A lot more than anyone can bear. Some days I just want to end it all because of all the problems that I see now way out of. Everytime I get those thoughts, I know they're fleeting, that they will pass. That the problems will pass. I look at a picture of my son to remind me why I'm alive and who has to take care of him and be his model in life. One day, one problem, one emotion, one hour and one minute at a time. Forward. Keep marching forward!!!
It is no wonder that your wife is experiencing panic attacks given all the anger, resentment, confusion, wanting to flee, stuck in fight or flight mode, due to all the overwhelming problems and emotions. There are some things that you definitely know as your truth, and you are not to blame, and some things that I'm sure you've taken responsibility for.
Life gets to be too much and we have no choice but to either deal and cope, avoid pain and flee, find some type of common distractions to calm us down, or seek a different lifestyle with or without our spouses. Some seek pleasure to replace the pain. Hence the MLC, the WAW, WH or the WW.
You did very good in not taking it personally and becoming reactive in front of W. You did excellent as far as stepping up and taking care of W and family and doing the right thing This is what any good person should do. The right thing. Sadly it's not going to earn you any brownie pointas far as Recon because of the years of resentment and disappontments built up. I really feel you in your situation, that you're not appreciated, as I'm going through the same thing after caring for wife after flu. Bending over backwards in times of need, answering the call to emergencies, and even though it's appreciated, it doesnt get any of us anywhere in the relationship.
I don't think that most people realize that seven different types of love, and too many people in this world are addicted to limmerace and romantic love. if you objectively look at a person's lifespan people go through different types of love from their twenties all the way into their 80s in relationships. Some people have to find pleasure with other people outside the marriage because their current life really [censored] due to all the stress or the unhappiness within the marriage. people usually never take responsibility for their feelings and their actions until it hits them in hindsight years and years later with clarity, that in some cases, the other person wasn't the actual problem. This is probably why everyone here Advocates self care, GAL, 180, etc. if you yourself as an individual was drowning that's little bit difficult to take care of someone else.
Respond to emergencies as needed, be helpful, but as you know, do not pursue. As LH19 here illustrates. I'm sure most of the time we are not the problem but we are blamed as a problem because we are the closest to them even though we are separating. LH is probably right. They're not going to realize what they lost until years later when they've had time to reflect. Some will find life better. Some will find life worse. Some will find that life got better and then became worse without the LBS. I guess this is why we have to detach and rebuild ourselves, focus on ourselves, and make changes.
Please start a new thread and link the two of them together. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You did exactly what I would have done in your sitch. You did the right thing.
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I asked her to please not speak to me like that in front of the kids.
Another option is "I am sorry you feel that way"
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She said oh now you want to speak appropriately in front of the kids?
"Yes"
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Then asked if I was ok. I said yeah, why?
No need to ask why.
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Her response was just making sure that she has so much anger built up inside.
I would have responded. "It is OK to be angry"
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I went out of my way for her twice took all that garbage. And that is the thanks I get.
Drop the expectations. You did the right thing and you should be proud. You should not care what other people (Wife) say. That is her story. Tell you buddy you do not want updates about wife. This is unneeded drama. Drop the rope.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/29/1907:02 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
