WAW says... part 2

[Jamine]

part 1: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2840022#Post2840022

[Jamine]

overrnbw, she told me that she threw them away. W got advice from someone that doing this paperwork herself was an impossible task. She was recommended to a lawyer/mediator that she wants us both to see separately. I suggested a mediator initially, and prefer this setup. I think it will give me more time for DBing too.

She's changed her mind about getting an airbnb, and now wants to stay with a friend until I leave the house. I'm very happy that we won't have to spend that money.

[Jamine]

W just made a bunch of excuses to check me out while I was changing. I had just lifted, and felt super good about myself. I could see the look on her face, and while she didn't say anything outwardly, she kept coming back in to ask inane unimportant questions, "what does this notification on my phone mean?"

I know it has no bearing on our relationship, but damn did it feel good to be looked at like that.

[Nutcrac]

Jamine.. this is quite a development and I am not at all surprised at your Wife's behavior. These are similar qualities exhibited by Wayward / WalkAways. The indecisiveness and borderline personality traits (Not that your wife is mentally ill) are common behavioral traits during these situations.
My ex behaved very similar and exhibited very much similar personality traits like what your wife is doing. Let me repeat it. I have experienced it before. This is just a tough phase you are going through. Its heart wrenching but it will pass! You just have to be strong.
I have a feeling when your wife used the word 'platonic' she is thinking that marriage is all beds and roses. Somehow she feels your sexual life is not as good as you think it is! She may have not been expressing those feelings to you and she is of "The grass is greener on the other side" mindset! Let her leave you and explore. She has to commit mistakes before she realizes the importance of you. So be it and let her go!
Regarding the divorce papers. Be thorough with your review. You don't need to hurry and at the same time do not delay on purpose. Most of these threatening folks comes from their insecurities. You are not responsible for that. What you are responsible is safeguarding your interests. From now on, I don't think hugging and being close, niceties should be entertained. They need to be put to back burner and you should start taking responsibilities for your future and safeguard your future without your wife. You need to man up and prepare as if you are kinda divorced. That does not mean you ill-treat her or speak to her arrogantly. You can be nice to her and still take care of your things as a man would do.
I am amazed the extent to which she is taking full advantage of you and making you dance on your toes. This is how these people are and trust me I went through this phase. Again don't give in and be a strong man!

[Jamine]

Thanks, Nutcrac.

So, tonight was....terrible.

I got an email during the day that said that W had cheated on me. It used her name, and it totally messed up my entire day. It had some weird anonymous reply to address, and there was a link in it (which I did not pay attention to).

W's parents emailed and asked me to call to chat, and I did. They are confused about what's going on, they cried, looking for answers, etc. Her Dad said I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her.

I came home after talking to W's parents, and confronted her about the email. W finally admitted that she kissed someone on her India trip last month, and after I pried she said there was a "romance" but they didn't sleep together. This hurt, a lot, but she seemed to think it was no big deal. Kept downplaying it. I couldn't keep it together...I just wanted her to take some responsibility

I told her that I talked to her parents, and she was fine with that, happy even. She asked what we talked about, and I told her that we were all just confused about what was going on. She started getting really upset, saying I should have told them about her attraction issue, and that I should have told them about our sex issues? Obviously this is not my responsibility. Then she literally flipped out screaming about this, I've never ever seen her act like this.

Then she started asking about the email, accusing me of writing it, and then totally flew off the handle. Accused me of spying, hacking her phone (wtf?), and said she didn't feel safe around me. She really got me on the defensive. I told her I would never do any of this (I didn't!), and she eventually said she believes me, that I'm not spying and didn't write this email. She said we shouldn't be in the same house, nonetheless, and packed a bag to go to her friend's place. She insisted on hiding my gun because she's afraid I'll hurt myself (I won't). Then she left.

After checking out the email again, I'm pretty sure it's spam or something. It had a link to buy a bunch of stuff with bitcoin...I'm assuming they scraped her name from social media?? Bad timing.

So, yeah...I'm pretty sure my marriage is over. I don't see any way to recover from all of this. I cannot believe we've gotten to such a horrible place.

[Jamine]

Got a text from W. Says that she wants to go to therapy so that we can proceed with the divorce process "with love". How do I respond to this?

[LH19]

Tell her you need time to think about it.

[Nutcrac]

Jamine - At least you got to know the true side of her. Prepare for a life without her. Move on. And I am sure she does not deserve you. She betrayed you and she is not ready to accept her fault. Instead trying to blame you for her wrong doings. Do not respond to her going forward. My suggestion is you should reduce any communication with her parents as well going forward. All the best!

[Jamine]

I have to live with her tonight and tomorrow, and will be DBing during this time. I'm starting to think this trip is a very good thing for me, adventure, friends, and some well needed vacation.

[Ready2Change]

will be DBing during this time..

This is a vague statement. What is your plan?